[FI_Foolish_Idiot]

Hi FI,

I have a question if that's okay. You say that you were trying things that were diversions, were you aware of that eg: saying to yourself I don't feel good and if I just do x or y then I will feel happy. Were you having those thoughts? Were you frustrated when things made you happy only for a short time, then back to square one?

Sd
X

Nope... wasn't even getting to that point. I think I was just trying to not be depressed. I'm not saying that my home was a depressing place. Or that my wife was making it that way. But it was where I just didn't want to be.

[31andcounting]

FI~  your description is very much "the same" as my H's.  We are reconnection/reconciling and he has said that is "where he was" it wasn't that is was me, his wife, he just didn't want to be ..he was looking for anything to make him feel, better, happy whatever, just feel.  he had pulled completely away from me, his family, his friends.....
Early on, even before first BD I guess he would say " I hate coming home" wanted to just keep on driving past the house, I never understood it at the time he said it...it was hurtful, but now I can say he said it without it hurting me as I know he was "not healthy" he was so pulled away from our marriage at the time.
tough stuff for everyone
31andcounting   

[toughtimes]

My mlcer said he didn't want to come home, had nothing to come home to. Nothing except a wife, a baby and a little boy? When we were trying to make it work between BD2 and final BD he suddenly said he felt like he had something worth coming home to! It was all so confusing and so hurtful.

[Anjae]

The not wanting to come home and having nothing to come home to must be more of the MLC script because Mr J also said those things.

[nah]

Yep, my husband said the same things (to others not to me).  He said he missed the kids being little and now that I work, he felt he had nothing to come home to.

[Pixiegirl]

I think this has to do with depression. The only reason I say that is because when our son passed away, I looked in to renting an apartment and was going to leave H and S to be alone. I told H there was nothing for me to come home to. He said what about me and S, I told him I just wanted to be alone.

I envisioned myself in an empty apartment just sitting on the floor staring at the wall.

[Itsanewday]

My H was the same. Stayed at work as much as he could because he didn't want to deal with anything at home.  I think this was one of his first signs of running

Fi thank you for your candor in your responses to the many questions posed to you here. Blessings and best wishes to you

[The lighthouse]

My H stayed at work for long hours too and when he wasn't there he went to the local pub where he met OW.  He seemed to avoid home as much as possible.  Funny thing is, 3 years down the track he's doing the same thing again to OW.  I agree, in hindsight it was the first signs of running.

[trusting]

Mine has definitely used work as a way of running.  He also at one point told me it was because he didn't want to be at home.  That was after BD, I think.

[Anjae]

Funny thing is, 3 years down the track he's doing the same thing again to OW.  I agree, in hindsight it was the first signs of running.

Mr J did it from day one with OW1. He made sure he was always busy, djing clubbing, then he even got a MLC job that keep him working on weekends during the day, the only time he had for OW1. She left him pretty quick afterwards.

With OW2 Mr J used that tactic plus having his man cave = his records room, where she is not allowed and where he spends all his little time in the flat he shares with her. He also made sure he got two additional jobs.