Skip to main content
Pages: [1] 2  All   Go Down

Author Topic: MLC Monster Men's friendships

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 716
  • Gender: Female
MLC Monster Men's friendships
OP: September 21, 2014, 03:13:15 AM
My husband found it very hard to make friends and often complained about it. He felt left out of potential friendships because he didn't want the stereotypical male friendship as he wasn't interested in the usual male pursuits except drinking, of course!  Although I'm sure he would never risk any kind of emotional expression!

Any way, this was posted on Fellowship recently, thought I'd share it here and maybe get your thoughts. Love and light xo

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/why-mens-friendships-can-feel-empty-megasahd/
  • Logged
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 12171
  • Gender: Female
Re: Men's friendships
#1: September 21, 2014, 03:45:15 AM
The ex found friendships problematic as he was uninterested in other people's struggles or problems. Usually focusing on the flaw in someone instead of seeing the good.
If there was someone he could get something from it might motivate him to do something for them.
He only had one friend I know of and I believe now has lost him.
  • Logged
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
s
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1462
  • Gender: Female
Re: Men's friendships
#2: September 21, 2014, 04:20:42 AM
Ditto in it. My h has never been interested in other people as people. He has one friend outside his work and very rarely sees him. If I ask how his sick wife is, my h can't answer me because he hasn't asked.

My h did things for others purely as a means of getting what he needed himself. Eg people thinking he was the good guy, when actually it was all about him and he ultimately resented what he was giving. This also includes his own family.

My h covered up his disinterest as not prying in others business. Rubbish, he genuinely was not interested. He didn't want others to know who he was so he projected this on to other people as a means of maintaining distance. That includes me btw.

I guess it's now at midlife that my h has realised how few people/ friends he actually has, hence my uber clinger. Outside of this house he has pretty much no one.
  • Logged
Relax - they have a Karma bus ticket to ride.
  • *
  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2753
  • Gender: Female
Re: Men's friendships
#3: September 21, 2014, 07:22:19 AM
my h didn't have friends either, he had one really good friend for about the last 10 years but since he went deeper into his mlc he has barely spoken to him in the last 2 years and now i think isn't talking to him at all since he decided to leave. he doesn't want to hear what this friend has to say because he knows he won't agree with it.
  • Logged
Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person
S
  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 6490
  • Gender: Female
  • Strength and honour are her clothing;
Re: Men's friendships
#4: September 21, 2014, 09:09:23 AM
Ditto - my H had two good friends in two separate fields of life (both of whom have been fantastic to me since BD)

However it was never the friendship of true bosom buddies. They had history and always enjoyed their company but H never confided in any of them and not even his brother.

The first person I think he ever confided in was OW!!!!!
  • Logged
BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017.
Separated 2022 (my choice because he wanted to live alone) and yet fully reconnected seeing each other often.
s
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1462
  • Gender: Female
Re: Men's friendships
#5: September 21, 2014, 09:15:43 AM
Same, ow seems to be the first person my h has told anything to. I will never forget the immortal line that came from her to one of my friends  " yes he has told me things he would never dream of telling his wife". Ouch !!!!

Sd
X
  • Logged
Relax - they have a Karma bus ticket to ride.
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 12171
  • Gender: Female
Re: Men's friendships
#6: September 21, 2014, 10:23:50 AM
Well there was no  danger of him confiding in her
A friend of mine talked to the exow and she said she was involved with a man who only focused on HER issues and NONE of his own.

So other than the false front he showed to her she said she wasn't emotionally invested.
Which was bull$h!te I know she thought he was the cat's ass. In the end he had her arrested.

Her knight in shining armor IS an @$$hole in tin foil
  • Logged
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 12171
  • Gender: Female
Re: Men's friendships
#7: September 21, 2014, 10:49:26 AM
IMHO ladies this has NOTHING to do with these ows and everything  to their own poor self image.

They feel they are better on some level than this affair down they pick..it's again all about them.
  • Logged
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
s
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1462
  • Gender: Female
Re: Men's friendships
#8: September 21, 2014, 10:55:49 AM
Totally agree, my h wad getting vicarious selfcesteem boost by pretending to be interested. The level of issues she brought ultimately caused the demise. I would say this is a fruendship pattern for my h. The people buy into his fake persona. Only he does not want their issues and complains.

Sd
X
  • Logged
Relax - they have a Karma bus ticket to ride.
S
  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 6490
  • Gender: Female
  • Strength and honour are her clothing;
Re: Men's friendships
#9: September 21, 2014, 11:20:22 AM
Oh absolutely - my H picked OW because she confided her woes to him and him being rescuer of course  had to confide in her his feelings about her marriage.
How do I know this - she wrote me a letter which H passed onto me telling me what H had told her. He had told her everything about our past and I mean EVERYthing - things I haven't even put on this forum.

Her letter to me showed me what kind of person she is.......and what stage my H was in.
  • Logged
BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017.
Separated 2022 (my choice because he wanted to live alone) and yet fully reconnected seeing each other often.
Pages: [1] 2  All   Go Up
 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.