[Bailmor]

Speed, if you find any information, I would be interested as well.  Having been in this for over 5 1/2 years, I, too, haven't been able to find any.  But this is not to discourage you from getting yourself together for either your W or perhaps someone else.  Hang in there, this is not for the faint of heart!

[BBhelp]

Guys...I am a male survivor of this MLC Nightmare.  And I have seen several others, so keep on reading.  But the most important key is understanding that it really doesn't matter much...you usually just need to sub a H for a W and an OM for an OW.

Keep reading and learning here...it is a safe place to ask questions, get feedback and support and try and save yourself some bumps along the road. 

Stay Strong.

BB

[Thunder]

Hi Speed,

I'm not sure if this was what you needed but here are some of the men on this site.

Watcher, MyBrainIsBroken, hawk, Thundarr, Terrified-In-TN, STP, UrsaMajor, Bailmor, Old Pilot, Romans 5:8, Dog Walker, albatross, Sisyphus, GTurk, BBhelp (thanks BB).

I'm sure I'm missing some.  They all don't post often, but their out there.  You're not alone...and no I don't see a big difference between men and women MLCer's.

[MourningDove]

Gentlemen, I suspect some of the "lack of male posts" is because our society does not encourage men to talk about things. We have some brave souls on the forum who are seeking help, as Thunder pointed out.
(No male bashing here, by the way

My cousin's wife left him, due to MLC. He went to a counselor, but the counselor did not believe in MLC. This was 12 years ago. Instead my cousin moved a new woman in. He just told me recently he cares about her, but it was huge mistake. He warned me to let myself heal no matter what happens.

I also have a dear friend who went through MLC and she did return to her H.

From what I have seen it looks like the MLC antics are very similar no matter what gender and the LBS responses and feelings also similar.

[speed racer]

BBhelp,Thunder, MourningDove.


BBhelp:
What do you mean "a survivor."  Are you back together? Did you actually divorce? 
Is there a link I could read your story and where your are at now.

Thunder and MorningDove:
I have read that women MLCr's do not come back like male MLCr's do.
I just found out my timeline to "D" just got shorter, so I am in panic mode.
I'm trying to stay as calm as possible.

I don't even know what to say or if I should say anything
the day I get word that "D" is final. -

This is the most horrible feeling -
Thanks,
Speed

[Thunder]

Speed. just refresh your screen by hitting the Home button under your Hello speed racer picture.
Then you can scroll down and see the various posts.

[StillStanding]

Speed Racer,

I've been at this for a while myself: this week is the 7th anniversary of the initial bomb drop, and Sunday will be 6 years since she moved out. I don't post a lot, but I do read and comment on others' stories and try to offer advice (or point to people smarter than I am about this stuff).

I'm 100% convinced that my wife is in an MLC. The behavior isn't exactly the same as the male MLCers described here, but I got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech; she was involved in an online emotional affair that very likely turned physical—she went and visited him before she moved out, and after she moved out I found evidence that they met at least once before the first BD. I don't know where things stand with them now. If she's still in contact with him or seeing him, no one else in her life has noticed. Her side of the family knows nothing of what is going on since she moved out—I don't think they even know, because I still get mail addressed to her at the house.

She's forgotten and rewritten history; I don't think she realizes how much time has passed since she moved out, because I pointed out that something she though only happened 2-3 years back actually happened over 8 years ago! I haven't gotten the monster since she left, but we had a couple of pretty bad fights before that.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to develop detachment. Learn to recognize and understand that her crisis isn't an attack on you. Also, take care of yourself both physically and financially. If you need to separate your finances, do it. Develop clear boundaries to help protect yourself from her Monster, or doing things to harm the marriage (running up joint credit cards or withdrawing money from bank accounts).

I don't like it when people say that "your marriage is over"—that's scary to read for someone who had just been hit with the bomb drop. But, I do believe that until your wife progresses through her MLC, you can't work on healing your marriage. If she were in the hospital after a bad car accident, you wouldn't ask her to do housework or go to your parents' anniversary dinner, would you?

However, many MLCers do get divorced. They're searching for something they feel they have lost, so they discard parts of their lives they think are holding them back. Maybe they're having an affair and feel that the other person is their true soulmate. Or, they think they are doing you a favor by freeing you up to find someone new, so they can feel less guilty about hurting you. In some cases, a left-behind spouse may seek divorce to protect themselves and their families financially. Divorce might be the end of the old marriage but it doesn't have to be the end of the relationship. You can choose to continue to Stand if you think things can still be reconciled once she's done.

[Thunder]

Sorry StillStanding I forgot to add you and Braveheart  to the list of men.

Great advice!

[dogwalker]

Hi Speed.
I'm man but in touch with my feminine side so happy to talk about my experience and feelings. LOL..
My blog is under "Help! Do I have a MLCer? Part..."

My W is deep in her tunnel. The Hurt and pain both me and my 2 sons have experienced(22+25) over the last 10months since bomb drop has lead me to move on and the boys have a very distant relationship with there mum now. All contact is on her terms when she has time for them or is on a guilt trip. She has told all of us on numerous occasions we are not so important to her and her new life with an alco spending her late mothers inheritance(So far £22k mainly on clothes, booze and pub visits) is her future. We have become a stronger family now. At some point she will come out of it and we will cross that bridge then. Feel free to PM if you want and I can help.

The best advice I got here which took me 9months to accept is "Your marriage that you had is now over. Accept it and build a new life" Since I accepted that life has got easier and we have all began to laugh and live again.

Best of Luck mate
Dogwalker

[Bailmor]

BBHelp, I truly apologize when earlier I stated that I wasn't aware of any males coming through this as an LBS.  I, for one, want to say that I am truly thankful for all your information and insight into this horrible ailment.  I have read your entire thread and recommend any LBSer (whether male or female) to read and understand what you have gone through.

So, speedracer, find BBHelp's thread and read the entire thing to get a better understanding.  Hope this helps.