[Lanzo]

In one of Albatross threads (cant find it right now) there was an exchange between Lanzo and Albatross about women having multiple affair partners.

I can't find the thread, but I've found the quotes where I re quoted them.

As we know, the contents of the unconscious compensate our conscious attitude; since the male tends to be rather polygamous in his outward life, his anima usually appears singly.  The woman on the other hand tends toward monogamy in her real life and thus reveals a polygamous trait in her soul image; which for the woman will be personified in many figures - like an assembly of fathers."

Your  x wife is possessed by own shadow and animus. People possessed by shadow become opposite then their real self. MLCers are under huge influence of own shadow, woman MLCers become polygamous in MLC - means they can have in same time in parallel OM1, OM2  and so on, man MLCers become monogamous, so they can have serial OW1, OW2 and so on. But always one at the time. I believe that is the reason why woman have shorter in time MLC then man.

My xW has several OM on the go all at different stages,  EA, pre-PA, PA, post-PA she really is being controlled by her shadow and animus.


Lanzo

[Darth Obo]

Lanzo, Thanks for pulling that up! I remember trying to find that a while back and couldn't locate it!

Detaching has proven quite tricky. I have been able to detach from W's words and most actions. I still love her as a person but don't necessarily feel "in love" because there really is no connection between us at the moment. I have been working on deciding exactly why I'm standing but ill put that in my own thread.

The bold area could describe where I was around February! She had just went through a big cycle phase and pushed me back again and got really cold. Shortly after, EA2 was discovered. Right after that, I suffered the symptoms of a heart attack. When all was said and done, there was nothing physically wrong with me and determined it was caused by stress and lowered immune system!

I then had the thoughts of the underlined part! That was the nail in the coffin! I looked back on the marriage over the next couple months and saw many red flags! I looked at the current situation and my health issues, and that nailed the coffin shut! I was spent physically, mentally, emotionally and had now just endured a heart attack at age 45 as a perfectly healthy man! I decided this was no way to live; my D11 deserved to have her father and a good healthy parent!

I think that in order to be completely 100% detached means that you have to chose to not love that person any more; that you have to sever the emotional tie between you and your significant other.  Sure, you can still care about them, but the emotional tie is gone. 

I feel that complete detachment is why so many LBS don't take their MLCer back.  When they say that they have "moved on" what they really mean is that they don't love them any more because the emotional tie has been severed.  This is why we have to be careful with how far we go with detachment.

So yes, I allowed myself to start and complete the full detachment process; it was a conscious decision! Some of you may not agree with this; that's ok! We all do what we feel is right for us!


Obo

[honour]

she really is being controlled by her shadow and animus.

Perhaps a swift kick up the animus might do 'em good. 

[Dji76]

Bringing back to the essence of jungian psych and brain function helps me maintain perspective. Great quote from Albatross.

[Lanzo]

I have no idea.  I think they just keep chasing the "newness" of a relationship thinking everyday is supposed to be like that until the end of time (at least while they are in teenager/fog mode).  Or they keep jumping from guy to guy, hoping they find someone with all your traits because I think deep down they know they screwed up, but probably think there's no way we'd forgive them.  And since they usually end up with users and losers, the cycle continues.

One of the first responses I got on this forum was from Old Pilot who said my xW was stuck in a cycle of infidelity, and she would have to go down many cheeseless tunnels before she realises the problem  wasn’t me or the marriage but it is her.

Here is my .02.
Yes your wife is stuck in a cycle of infidelity.
Exposing it may end this affair but it is unlikely to end her MLC.
She needs to go down every cheeseless tunnel first before she sinks to the bottom of her pit.

That may take a while.

I mean she is in love with her latest OM, but she still communicates with the OM she was F’ing last year and by communicating I mean he still sends her pictures of his co’ck asking for sex. I also saw text messages with another guy she knew before she met me, and these were also of a sexual nature.  So for her, she really is stuck in this cycle, looking for newness, something  exciting all the time.

I’m afraid there will be no come back success story in my case, if she ever comes out of her fog, the damage trail to my door will be too great to overcome, I certainly won’t take her back.

Lanzo

[twiceburnt]

Damn Lanzo, I'm sorry to hear that.  I know my W sent pics and vids to OM(s), but I don't know what they were.  It's probably best I didn't see them.  I could just tell from my cell provider's "usage" stats that they were pic/vids.

I did see some texts to OM1 and OM2. OM1 - "you broke my heart".  OM2 - "do you want me now?".  Still painful. 

Yeah, it is completely understandable why LBSers don't take them back.  The emotional pain is almost too much, plus they usually screw us financially, etc. as well. 

I doubt I will take my W back again if she comes back.  I highly doubt she'll do the work/seek help to fix her issues.  It seems like it will be an endless cycle.  Although I have no doubt I'll get a crying MLCer on my doorstep again in a few years. 

[Lanzo]

Hi Twiceburnt,

I had to live with my MLC’er for 2 years while going through the D process and the pics on the phone are not the worse things I saw. It’s been well documented on my early thread about xW,  her OM and their sex video.

Snooping is not a good thing but if I hadn’t  seen the evidence for myself there would always had been a way back for xW. The door is shut now, detachment was a choice and hard to do so I went to the extreme of NC, maybe in years to come I may mellow to the point where I can have a conversation with her.  But not for now, she is on her journey and I am on mine.

Lanzo

[terrified_in_TN]

Wow, guess everyone is a little different.  Although I don't have first hand images or videos, the sex aspect really doesn't bother me that much.  Although we were very conservative throughout our 20 year relationship (11 year marriage) towards the end we got very "liberal" with our sex life.

For ME, the emotional attachment of my W to OM is a hard pill to swallow, but the BIGGEST hurdle for me to over come is the sheer destruction to our family.  And the wedges just keep getting deeper and deeper.  My family has been torn apart physically, financially, and emotionally.  Also, me and step son 25 had a falling out.  Him and his wife used to live with me, and were my wife's "moles".  I fear the relationship with my ss has been obliterated.  This of course has put a strain on D16s relationship with SS25 and his wife.  And of course there is the strain between D16 and her mom.  We went from a loving open family to almost sheer destruction in a month.  Now everyone is picking sides when I have tried to tell the kids (especially the older ones) to step back and take a neutral position in this.

What a mess.  For me, THAT is the part I do not believe I will ever come to terms with.

-EDIT for clarification-  You might be wondering why on earth would anyone take an MLCer side...Well SS25 blames me for his mom's premature departure because although he knew what was going on, I gave her an ultimatum.  He feels robbed of time with his mom and step sister because he thinks I "pushed" her out the door.  He had his first child one month prior to his mom's departure.  Second thing is, things were not working out in our living arrangements.  I asked him to find his own place.  He thinks the reason I "kicked him out" is because his mom wanted a divorce.  Not true-was a stressful household, but he doesn't see it that way.  And lastly, I love him to death...he is a VERY SMART individual, BUT...he is very naive, sheltered, and hate to say it but a "momma's boy", and well, our MLCer is his real mom.

-Terrified

[nah]

I usually abbreviate the names but yours would be T.I.T...did you do that on purpose?   

Anyways, my daughter (24) has also picked the MLCers side.  Both of our kids lived in the house when he left.  I was a puddle to put it mildly.  The kids saw their mother in a state that nobody should ever have to see.  Her anger started to build and she constantly locked herself into her room.  She swore that she would "never, ever lay eyes on that girl"

Well, at my FIL's funeral they were sitting next to each other chatting.  In the meantime, somehow I became the enemy.  She was always "daddy's girl", I was always the bad cop.  He is constantly filtering her money, and I had to say no.  So, at home every time I tried to talk to her, she would literally yell in my face and walk away.  She was treating my son (21) the same way.  I finally told her to treat me with respect or move out.  I haven't seen her since july 1st when she moved out. 

She lives with her (married) girlfriend and sleeps at my husbands house (who lives with his 28 yr-old-girlfriend) once a week. 

[terrified_in_TN]

I usually abbreviate the names but yours would be T.I.T...did you do that on purpose?   

  LOL, I swear I did NOT do that on purpose!  I work in IT, and I am VERY active on the internet (I don't do social media though-no facebook, myspace, etc), so I had to come up with something that is not the usual nickname I use, and well that is EXACTLY how I felt at the time.  Could be subliminal though tee hee?!?!?

  Anyway, glad to hear I am not the only one experiencing a "divide".  I thought for sure my circumstances were going to be unique in that regard.

-Terrified