[confused_but_trying]

Of course God forgives.  All we need to do is ask it of him.  I'm glad that you are back in church now; I too have become closer to him since BD.  It is one of the areas that I had become lax in these last 2 years or so and am now rectifying.  I believe that this whole ordeal will work together for our good in the long run.  I just pray I have the strength and patience required for that task.

[Really?]

A lot of things said resonate with my current situation.  I increasingly come to believe that my W's mind she is done with her affair and she can't wrap her mind around me needing additional confirmation and ongoing support to help me find my trust in her again.

For example she doesn't see it as a big deal that she still has OM's phone number on her phone and him connected to her social media as she doesn't contact him (at least recently).

The handful people who really know about our situation all think that I should find somebody else  and I there are plenty of moments where I wonder the same - however, I still believe that one day W is going to come back and I am panicked by the idea that it will be too late by then and that I will have moved on and wonder the rest of our lives whether we have missed an opportunity.

  It has been a long 15 months now - but as we continue to make SLOW progress I am trying to hold on and continue to stand

[MeNow]

A lot of things said resonate with my current situation.  I increasingly come to believe that my W's mind she is done with her affair and she can't wrap her mind around me needing additional confirmation and ongoing support to help me find my trust in her again.

For example she doesn't see it as a big deal that she still has OM's phone number on her phone and him connected to her social media as she doesn't contact him (at least recently).

The handful people who really know about our situation all think that I should find somebody else  and I there are plenty of moments where I wonder the same - however, I still believe that one day W is going to come back and I am panicked by the idea that it will be too late by then and that I will have moved on and wonder the rest of our lives whether we have missed an opportunity.

  It has been a long 15 months now - but as we continue to make SLOW progress I am trying to hold on and continue to stand

Hi SS,

Her having these contact points with OM and her attitude about it all raises red flags.

Take care.

[Jackolar12]

Hi SS, I agree with Me Now, if she's ready she would avoid all contact. Be very wary.

[Janus2014]

SS,

Does your W have any work connection with OM?  If so, she might be unaware of how to navigate the path forward.

If not, then I agree, she is not ready.  But she does need to feel safe if she moves towards home.

[Darth Obo]

I dont have any statistics to quote, but from all the reading I have done, men just seem to move on faster! There is no one to return too when they come crawling back! Why......I believe in the end most men cannot forgive the betrayal.....especially a physical affair. I have read several times a PA is the worst betrayal and hurt a man can endure! I think this has a lot to do with the fact men pursue physically......the one thing we want most....the physical connection and bond......is willingly given to another!

I know I just got tired of the BS and was burned out mentally, emotionally and physically! It just wasnt logical to me to stand for someone who didnt love me or want me anymore! After some looking back on the marriage, and a lot of thought, I realized I was not standing for the right reasons, so I moved on and honestly, much happier for it! I have one life.....not going to waste it pining away for years on a 50/50 shot at best!

The office admin lady where I live shared her story......she divorced her husband because she was unhappy and lost feelings for him. Coupleyearslater, she remarried him because she missed him and felt she could love hi  like that again. After a fewyears, their son turned 18 and the divorced for the second time. He is happily remarried, she is still single! Not sure if it was mlc or something else. Her opinion as a woman is, once a woman has lost love, she rarely if ever gains it back!

Thank you all for your views of female mid life crisis return stories,why do they sleep around so much, it's no good for their reputations and they may catch something. It must be really embarrassing when the fog lifts and they see people are commenting on their past behaviours in a negative way.

Dont know the answer but I will offer this quote from my X when I confronted EA2. I asked her did she feel like she wanted to dateand have sex with other men......her response....."I want to have sex, butnot for the sex itself.....I want to feel a connection!"

In one of Albatross threads (cant find it right now) there was an exchange between Lanzo and Albatross about women having multiple affair partners. I hope i get this right and didnt take it out of context, but, Albatross talked about the anima and animus.......and how men are mentally / biologically polygamous in nature but women are monogamous. When the MLCer flips and become opposite, this changes. Men may have multiple partners, but will have them one at a time......women will/may have multiple partners simultaniously. Hopefully one of them can come along and link that post!


Obo

[Jackolar12]

Hi Darth Obo,
Thank you for replying and I'm happy you have moved on and are enjoying your life. I agree totally a PA is the most painful thing a man can go through it's been three years almost for me and I still get panic attacks and thoughts about what happened on a daily basis. If I don't keep my mind and body super active my thoughts return to my situation and it's wearing me down.

If she does return I don't know which way I will go with this and hopefully God will be involved with me making the correct choices, I really miss my family life, I lived for her and the children and did everything for them. I breaks my heart to see them now and I get very upset after leaving them.

There should be some law of divorce that makes the guilty party responsible for the emotional damage they cause their former spouse and provide for their recovery. Everything's split equally over here so let's hope the Karma bus will visit her and give her half my pain. Her multiple affairs and previous underhanded behaviour should be enough for me to move forward in life and not look back at her. However knowing how kind and thoughtful she used to be keeps me stuck in limbo and I really can't face being hurt again by her.

[StillStanding]

Will I have the opportunity in the future and if I do will I have the energy, understanding and forgiveness to make it work, To be honest I' don't know and if it's meant to happen I'm sure God will be heavily involved in everyone's restructuring for the better.

One of the keys to being able to continue your Stand is to develop and practice detachment. You can choose to get off of the emotional rollercoaster, but it takes time. If you can do that, you can gain the strength to make it for the long haul. Worry about how you will feel about her when she comes out of the fog when the time comes.

Your wife's MLC antics are not directed at you. I wouldn't say that she's not thinking of you at all, but her pain and how she chooses to try to deal with it are unrelated to how she feels about you (or may feel about you in the future). The more you read about and learn about MLC, the easier it should become to develop that detachment.

[Jackolar12]

Hi Stillstanding,
Thank you for your reply, I've read all the site information and stuff from other sites.
I try everything possible to GAL and I've covered so much ground with this, out every night socialising .
Busy during the day, gone back to college etc. The thoughts of how cruel she was to me after bomb drop and under handedness before bomb drop have become etched in my soul and I can't seem to shake them off. I wish I could.

I've dated loads of women but feel nothing inside for them anymore and have now given this up totally for my studies and socialising and business interests. Our life was successful and stable and her revelations to the contrary have shaken me to my foundations. I was and to some point still are emotionally damaged by this and I pray God will lift this feeling from my shoulders some day. While I'm out socialising it's amazing how many people have gone and are going through Emotional turmoil, I see it now, but only because of the advice from this site and others, cheating seems to be on the increase in society today.
Kind regards
Jackolar 12

[twiceburnt]

Her opinion as a woman is, once a woman has lost love, she rarely if ever gains it back!

It sounds to me like she's in MLC....son at 18 is the trigger (leaving home, etc.).  From what I've experienced, it is quite the opposite.  Every GF I've ever had who dumped me , except one (and she tries to be my friend and still flirts with me when I see her - she's friends with my sister), always came running back.  I've only taken 2 back though, a previous fiance (very stupid...I was young), and my W. 

Your co-worker sounds lost.  Mature people realize that the "in love" feelings are just chemicals, etc.  Truly being in love is a choice.