[in it]

I thought this was already started but I couldn't find it. This was found on the internet.  Again although you may not be dealing with this type of personality in regards to someone being a narrssist? The MLcer acts and says things at this phase that is pretty close to this- love and protect yourself first.


If you want to free yourself from the toxicity and irreparable damage (if you don’t leave on time or know how to heal) that has been to be in a relationship with one of these toxic evil entities, this will be my absolute advice for you.

 #1 and most important, NO CONTACT! Nada, zero!! No matter how difficult it feels or how much you would like to say. DO NOT answer any form of contact!

Understand one thing, these toxic energy vampires don't care about you or anything you may have to say. All they want is attention, and the feeling that they still can control you and negatively affect you with their actions or words. They will do or say anything to keep you in "the loop" Think of them as real life vampires, evil toxic and very malicious entities that all they want is to feed off of your emotions, because they have none!

They are attention ows because they are empty inside! Once you  understand who they truly are, you will ABSOLUTELY want nothing to do with them. At first, you will feel initial loneliness or even boredom after removing them from your life. Embrace your new feelings because it is that blissful and peaceful state of being you forgot even existed! If you are experiencing that once again, WELCOME BACK TO LIFE! Congratulations for you are a survivor! I prefer to say that I’m not a survivor but a VICTORIOUS woman!

#2- Educate yourself.Read everything you can about psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. Better yet, read every single article and everything on the websites I include here below. Once you start to understand whom you are really dealing with, you are in the first step of healing, and recovering will be a possibility.

#3- Yes, it's going to hurt…a lot, so you must grieve for as long as you have too.Think of this as not grieving for that person or those wonderful moments you had together. You are grieving the dead and loss of the person you thought he/she was and what you thought you had that never really existed. You were a supply for that person and were played with for as long as they could get what they wanted from you. They are incapable of feeling love; they are only capable of using/abusing others for their own very selfish reasons.

 So grieve, cry, and let all those emotions come out for as long as it takes, and you will create an empty space inside you, ready to be filled with new good emotions and feelings. Once again, this is not a normal relationship or break up and it is going to be devastating to realize that everything was just a lie. As painful as it may be, it is really healthy to let things out, making room for peace, tranquility, anxiety-less, and little by little get your sanity back!

#4- Be Strong, Know what you are dealing with, and know that this too shall pass.One of the most devastating side effects of breaking away from a psychopath narcissist is their "Devaluation & Discard” strategy. When you meet, they will put you on a pedestal and make you feel the most incredible person on earth by telling you how "crazy and psycho" his ex's are. You felt compassion and sympathy for them and for all the things they had to deal with. Oh yes, do we know how good they play the victim role, don't we? Well, now you are on that list too! One of the most devastating things survivors experience is the frustrating feeling of knowing this person is so freaking credible and good at what he does, that the world out there believes them to be such a good amazing person, while you know it is nothing but an act. They are masters at "projection"; they tell others all those awful things about YOU, when in reality it is who they truly are.

 They are the crazy, the insecure, the psycho, the bi polar, the stalkers, evil, selfish, uncaring, heartless, and the list can go on and on, but they project that on you and make others believe so. It gives them a sick perverse pleasure and satisfaction to know that they can have such influence and control over others.

This is exactly the reason why I mention the importance of no contact WHATSOEVER. You remember that saying, "eyes that doesn't see, heart that doesn't feel"? Well, apply this to yourself in this situation. The less you know, or care, the better for you and your own sanity… trust me.

#5- Make yourself busy!! No matter how hard it may seem when you feeling down and devastated, keeping yourself and your mind busy is without a doubt the BEST thing you can do for yourself.

Do you remember the things you used to be passionate about before all this happened? Maybe a hobby? Something you always wanted to study or learn? Work, that you neglected when you were "lost"? Get back to it! This is definitely the best moment to do so. Not only will keep your mind busy, but being productive and focusing on YOU will make you feel better. As time passes, you will realize and notice, every day you expend less time thinking about that person and what happened to you. If you suffered from nightmares, like I did; they will diminish or at least won’t bother you that much. All signs that you are healing!  Other aids to help bring on sleep and calm the mind are: melatonin supplements and journaling. Doing these three things together nightly will certainly help you drift into a healthy sleep. Try it!

#6- Don't be hard on yourself, be gentle. Understand that yes, you were fooled, used, lied to, betrayed.There is nothing wrong with you, it can happen to anyone and I mean anyone! Psychopaths and narcissists don't go for weak unappealing people lacking values or virtues. That's not fun or challenging for them. To the contrary, they feel attracted to strong, confident, most often than not, successful, loving, compassionate people because the perverse pleasure they feel, with little by little breaking them down! Don’t be hard in yourself. See the glass half full no matter what and think of it this way.

You were honest, truthful, loyal, loving, caring, generous and good intentioned. Still, you got a broken heart. One time, maybe many times in your life, but that only shows you the tremendous and wonderful capacity you have to love! That is what the psychopath narcissist will never have. One of the latest books/biographies I read was by a psychologist that was in a relationship with a psychopath narcissist and he fooled her too, so remember this; it can happen to anyone!

#7- Be open to live and love again.Don't build walls to "protect" yourself in the future. Don't become bitter or resentful. Continue being the loving caring person you are, just be more cautious and aware, learn how to recognize red flags early on, and always remember this; trust people by their actions more than their words. If their words don't match their actions, cut them loose ASAP! One thing I can tell you for sure, once you have survived a toxic relationship with a psychopath narcissist, you bet it won't happen to you ever again! Think of it as you just got vaccinated, and you are certainly immune to further predators, for the awareness you will get from this experience I can tell you, it's priceless!

#8- Find your own allies. Be open to getting help in various forms. That could be getting professional help from a psychologist or counselor, specifically one that specializes in working primarily and has studied in-depth psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists.

 Life is too short to live it with regrets and carrying pain and hurt within us. Most painful experiences, more often than not,  bring with them lessons and blessings in disguise. Growth isn't easy. Believe that, for it is a universal truth.

[in it]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8CHBP4hD7k

This is the reason why you do not have sex while these messed up Mlcer's are leaving their trail of devastation.

[in it]

Some of us have this problem. NC protects you from anymore emotional mental and or physical damage Found online:


How to Stop Being a People Pleaser If you’re a “people pleaser,” you may be someone who feels they are often taken advantage of. You’re also probably not getting what you want out of life. It’s time to shift the focus from others to yourself more often, and stop being a martyr to niceness. Here’s how to make the transition and stop being a people pleaser.

Examine your fears. What would happen if you didn’t do what you think others want you to do?  Is it realistic? Are it truly terrible? You might be afraid that no one will like you, that someone will leave you, or that you will be left all alone if you don’t say the right thing or do what someone else wants you to do. That is a prison you have trapped yourself in, and it’s time to unlock the doors and walk out!

The people around you may be used to your compliance, but if they’re not willing to accept that you have your own needs, are they really worth having in your life?
Evaluate your boundaries. Compare those to the limits you set on others. To what extent are you willing to restrict your openness to being used by others?

What is acceptable behavior for you and what is unacceptable? Being able to analyze this factor allows you to measure what can be done for others and what shouldn’t be done for others in a much more objective manner.
Is that the same for you and for others?
Do you tolerate the intolerable? Normalize the abnormal? Accept the unacceptable? Do you know what it feels like to be treated with dignity and respect?
Learn how to identify and label unacceptable treatment from others and how to set limits on their behavior when they violate your boundaries.
Consider the source. Many people pleasers were raised in environments wherein their needs and feelings were pushed aside, not considered, or even belittled. Being able to identify and understand the source allows us to better understand ourselves, and to better eliminate our being a “people pleaser.”

Were you always expected to anticipate and mold yourself to everyone else’s needs? Were you expected to shoulder the family’s need at a young age?
Did you learn that the only way to receive a positive response was to do what others wanted you to do? That if you did not do what they want, they would disapprove of you and berate you?
If so, here’s a newsflash — not all the world wants a pushover. By focusing on pleasing others, you open yourself up to manipulation and abuse. You will never reach your potential as an individual if you are constantly imprisoned by others’ expectations. Eventually, when people have had enough of your services, they will not recognize you for your true worth: but for the number of errands you can do for them.
Learn how to say “no.”  Don’t make up excuses — give your reasons for not wanting something.

Your best friend wants you to go with him to a party that will be full of people that you can’t stand? Say, “No thanks, Bob. It’s just not my scene.” You don’t have to say “Seriously, Bob? Your friends are all jerks and I gag a little when I see them.” A simple “no, thanks” will generally suffice.
Start small by finding something small to say “no” to, and say it firmly. Say it politely, but mean it! You’ll be surprised — the world will not collapse around your ears! People rarely take offense, and those that do aren’t worth pleasing.
Ask for what you want. If everybody’s going to the movies, and most people in the group want to see a particular movie, but you’d rather watch something else, speak up! It doesn’t mean you get to watch the movie you want, necessarily, but who knows — maybe there are others in that group that would prefer to see your choice, and were people-pleasing too!

There’s nothing wrong with voicing your opinion, and it doesn’t have to mean you’re making a demand. Simply reminding people that you’re an individual with your own preferences is a big step forward.
Even asking someone to help you do something will help. Ultimately, you must remember that no one can read your mind. If you feel that you do so much for others, but they don’t do much for you, maybe it’s because you don’t express your needs or desires. It’s not fair to make people pry an answer from you. If they ask you what you want, or if there’s a decision being made, put in your opinion, and let that be that.
Do something for yourself. Do one thing you have been wanting to do, but feel afraid someone else will not like. Heck on ‘em. Do it anyway!

Dye your hair, get that new look, have a treat that you enjoy, go on vacation, or go see that movie you like but nobody else wants to see!
Whatever you do, do it for yourself, and practice not worrying what anyone else thinks. Don’t get caught up in doing things “their way” just because no one else wants you to do them “your way.”
Remember that there ought to be things that you truly want to do for yourself, regardless of what anyone else thinks, not in spite of it. Other people’s opinions are a factor in our lives, but they should not be the determining factor.
Compromise. While it’s not good to be a pushover, it’s no better to be a manipulative bully or a reckless rebel. Don’t become totally selfish. In fact, many people pleasers have low self-esteem. So do those who are selfish. It is best to develop good self-care skills which include healthy assertiveness skills.

You can listen to others, but ultimately, what you do is your choice. Keep a balance!
Sometimes the needs of other people should come first. Whenever there’s a conflict of desires, try to come up with a solution that will meet both desires halfway, or better yet, a “win-win” situation where both sides get even more than they bargained for.
Stop basing your self-worth on how much you do for other people. It’s noble that you want to help others, but it’s something you should do because you want to, not because you feel you have to. The willingness to help others should come after you know how to help yourself.

The greatest acts of kindness are those done by choice, not out of fear or guilt. If you’re doing things for others because you would feel bad if you didn’t, is the action really genuine? Would you want others to help you under those terms? And, if you’re helping others to such an extent that you are neglecting yourself, is that really wise?

[in it]

Signs that you are not living an authentic life:

Harboring feelings that you aren’t good enough.

Believing that you don’t deserve good treatment, love, happiness or abundance.

Not listening to your own voice.

Making yourself feel small, so that others can feel big.

Pretending to be someone you are not.

Trying to please others all or most of the time, while ignoring your own needs and wants.

Allowing fear to stop you from doing things that make you happy.

Walking blindly through life not knowing who you are, or what you want.

Not recognizing your own skills and talents.

Accepting less than you deserve.

Not speaking up for yourself and allowing others to mistreat you.

HEAL yourself..go no contact and if you are doing or have done the above to yourself. Take your power back. R-E-S-P-E-C-T yourself. Take no abuse.

[living with Hope]

Thank you.

[in it]

You are welcome Living with Hope..what you allow will continue.

Take your power back and focus on healing from the inside out. You are enough. Greive and work through it.

Unhappy people strive to make others feel the same way. Misery loves company. Save your sanity.

[in it]

The holidays are here! If you haven't tried it yet Thanksgiving is a good practice spot. A warm up for Christmas.

End the drama and games. Take your power and instill some peace. Let go...

[Lanzo]

No Contact,

I've been No Contact since we divorced 6 months ago, D13 is with me most of the time so I see no need to have to contact her and get drawn into her drama's.

No contact does it for me.

Lanzo

[TopsyTurvy]

Wow that first post.#4 yes he put me on a pedestal, explained how crazy his ex's were

how good they play the victim role, don't we? Well, now you are on that list too! One of the most devastating things survivors experience is the frustrating feeling of knowing this person is so freaking credible and good at what he does

Absolutely, H was so credible and good at everything, boy has he fallen off his perch now.

[in it]

And the longer you do this the better and the stronger you feel!

Yep- they are the victim BOO f*ckING HOO! You cannot waste your empathy on them they need to GROW UP!