[in it]

I think whatever relationship that has been damaged does.

 IMHO It's better than to continue having contact and either saying or hearing ( or someone doing something) that creates something else for the other to have to get passed.

I did way more emotional damage to myself after 1st BD than was necessary by listening to the bull$h!te.

[in it]

By Pourtia Nelson

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

If you keep communicating with them and having the same circular conversation or keep ending up on the nasty end of monster. Consider NC as the last line of this poem.

Respect yourself enough to walk down another street.

[in it]

Valentines Day..don't let the sentiment draw you into any kind of emotion they may express..don't let it set you back..let go and move forward.

[Blackhen]

I've had the "I walk down the street" poem on my wall for a while. I've found it very helpful.
The last line could indeed be NC.
Or a new destination.

[in it]

Like they say..the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

If you do not separate yourself from the games and the drama and lies etc... it makes it more difficult for you to focus on you and heal.

Boundaries are important in regards to this journey.

[tristana]

Living under the same roof, I can't afford to move out and he left his job (IT manager, first philosophy graduee from Oxford). There is no OP, just various female ego brashers. I am currently studying law to become a paralegal, so that I can make a decent living.
"Living together in a civilised manner" approach is a dead end. So, NC. Any advise for NC while living in the same house?

[in it]

I know it's not easy living in the same house with someone who has these kinds of issues.

 I tried to sleep in a different room trying to keep a roof over my head. I even sent him a list of boundaries by email. It only served to make the situation more stressful and bizarre, I didn't have the money to leave either. And would have if I did.

You could look into help from DSS or HUD if you are in the United States. They may be able to help you financially rent etc.

Domestic Violence maybe able to help also. If you feel emotionally abused you probably are. Verbal abuse is also abuse.

Practice avoiding him as much as possible. (((HUGS)))

[Lanzo]

"Living together in a civilised manner" approach is a dead end. So, NC. Any advise for NC while living in the same house?

.

I did 2 years with a livin MLC'er, it was sooooh hard but it can be done.

Planned avoidance, if they are around find something to do in another room or even go out for a walk, visit friends.

Detach from the emotion, the 2 of you are in the same house avoid drama and function as is this person is a long standing house guest.

minimise interactions and contact, just keep any discussions brief and to the point.

also read the 21 no contact rules in this thread and try apply them to your in house situation.

Peace to you


Lanzo

[tristana]

Thanks very much for helping me! We have been living in separate room, having separate lives for a while. I have been working on myself, getting ready for the perspective of living on my own (in a foreign country - Ireland). While doing this, I was still in a fragile state, hoping that it won't come to it, as he used to be a kind, considerate and dependable spouse. Being afraid of losing me (or control of me), he tried a few times to manipulate me into "let's stay together and work on our relationship". The last attempt was simply done for the purpose of getting to sleep with me. I knew it would not work, but I hoped to have some peace at home. Then he cancelled an outing we had planned together in order to meet a female friend. That was the last straw, it is obvious that it is not getting anywhere. He has been continually abusing my kindness, understanding and friendship.
The idea is for me to keep away from this turmoil, and for him to stop blaming me and start facing his issues. But the perpetually self reproducing Phoenix bird of victimisation has unlimited ways and means.

[in it]

Don't have sex with him again.   Protect yourself. You have no idea who he's been with.

They look at kindness as weakness. They take advantage wherever they can. Save the empathy, compassion and understanding for yourself. Be rude if you have to lay down firm boundaries and back it up with a consequence.

They enjoy inflicting pain. This is all about CONTROL...DO NOT REWARD disrepectful behavior.

Approx 28 more days I have been nc for 2 years.