[ruggedendurance]

Unfortunately.    The images in our heads will haunt us.    We have to know ourselves well enough to decide if we can fight them down.

If we can't?

If we ever get the chance to reconnect?    If we ever get the chance to rebuild?

This may be the biggest challenge.

I have thought about this often and I don't know if I am strong enough to put this out of my head.    And?   For me?  It is the deal breaker to any kind of reconnection.

I don't have an answer to it.   I don't have a skill that will manage it.

If anybody does?    I'm open to suggestions.

If any of you are like me?    The images are graphic and disgusting.    Powerful enough to make me puke.

I can still imagine many things that I like and love about her.     The images are enough to treat her like toxic waste.
 

[rover77]

these things strike us to the very core..our self worth,our identity our sexuality.our view of the world, our ability to believe and trust,even our sense of reality ..it's an exquisitely painful experience...

[in it]

Barbies post is eloquently written my heart aches for the pain she's in and UC's list greatly disturbed me.

I was provoked and unknowingly recorded - that violation for me runs deeper than almost anything else. He danced around like an idiot after he got it.

If you cannot have a conversation, disagreement, or live with someone without this kind of thing happening? Time to get away from them ASAP.

[UnconditionalLove]

Yeah I'm out! I can't live or be around someone who is just causing drama for drama sake. There is no reason to record me. I'm not fighting back or fighting him for anything other than I did run off with his phone when I found that out. Then I came back to my senses and thought...this is crazy, and I'm done with crazy. Our life wasn't like this so why should it be now.  You are off the chart manic and deep into MLC and I'm off this train.  This is stuff you see on Movies, not in my life. It's like the quiet storm. It took 52 years to show up and it blew the town away.

I mean, how do you have a conversation with someone who's looking for you to say the wrong thing when they are in the crazy zone in the first place. I have to figure out our communication for work.

[Freebird]

Barbiedoll,

Your post resonates with me. They have contaminated our lives and minds with their vile betrayal.

I was coping fairly well until I had naked photos of the ow appear on my iPad. The alien had his phone connected to my icloud. The images of the grubby looking creature haunted me for months and it made the whole thing so horribly real and graphic. I have managed to erase them from my memory but the thought of him taking such sleazy photos makes me feel physically sick. That thing is not my husband. He would have been disgusted.  It is pornography. These MLC creatures are obsessed by sex. They are repulsive.

I felt dirty by association. Everything that he had touched was contaminated. I gave all of the bed linen to charity and bought more.  If he had been in the house I wiped everything he may have touched with disinfectant. I despoused the house and then sold it. I refused to see him after final BD and never want anything to do with him ever again. He can drop dead for all I care.

[Blondie]

Oh Barbiedoll, my heart breaks for you and all of us. Your post touched me deeply. My H has been living with OW for 3 months and I have visions of them being intimate. Rugged is right, the images in my head are enough to make me feel sick. I don't even know if my H will ever come back and if he did I don't know how to cope with the thought of them together. I truly don't.

[UnconditionalLove]

I kind of feel the same way. H 52 years old with a 32 year old student. I find repulsive.  Every now and then I think of it and it makes me sick.

[riverbirch]

I was told twice by him that nothing happened with them.,but surely don't know. I recently saw an old text between the two of them and all the old feelings came flooding back. I don't know how this will ever go away.

My husband isn't willing to do everything like yours is. I wish he was. In that aspect Barbie you are very lucky.

We aren't intimate. We sleep together but he says he's broken. Guess he doesn't think he can even do it any more but I don't know if that's just an excuse to not have sex together. I sometimes get visions of them together and try to think of other things,but wonder sometimes how can I compare to her. She must have been something for him to bring her back from the dead past.

[patience.of.a.saint]

Sometimes  I get those haunting mental images too. I think what helps me to squish them down is the fact that my first ex-husband was an alcoholic and I know his parts didn't work the more he drank...so...since my guy has been drinking a lot lately, I can only assume that his parts don't work as well either. They worked awesome for me...but I know the COW can't possibly be getting the same effect. 

It also helps if you have a "special" name for her. I call the OW COW...Cavernous Other Woman. When he was having cake once in a while, he would always comment how tight I was and he never mentioned it when we were together...so...I could only assume that she was NOT...and so she became COW.  it may not seem like the nicest way to be, but we're not talking nice here...it's just a way to help me cope.

It also helps me to really think through how he was after we had been together a while. He's more likely to just be falling asleep on the couch & if she wakes him to go to bed, he could very well be pissed off that she woke him up. He's more depressed now than he was when he was here...she can't possibly be having that much fun with him. So I say she's welcome to this version of him. I don't have to deal with him at his worst like she does on a daily basis. She does not have the man that I knew.

[Lanzo]

The sexual betrayal,

 For me it was just images in my head, until I found xW sex tape with OM#3. There it was for all to see, that pretty much killed it for me.  Before that I had thought we had a chance,  if I hadn’t seen it  I would have still been  pining for her, pursuing her,  but after that there was no going back for me.  Also for xW if she ever came out of her fog, I think the shame of her knowing what  she had done and what I had seen would kill her, there’s nothing there that could be explained away.

Ironically it was not the sex acts that cut me to the core it was some of the still images with the pair of them in an  intimate embrace, the guy was a real affair down but there they were together all loved up. She’s since moved on to OM#4, who she is in love with, but she’s still in contact with OM#3 who sends her dirty text messages.

So all in all it was pretty disgusting, I cant type anymore as it brings up vivid images in my head, I’ve  put a lot of distance between xW and I since the divorce, so the triggers are less and less, I guess time and living a good life will help me heal.


Lanzo