[Kat0465]

Attaching

[summer90]

Attaching

[terrified_in_TN]

According to my IC, its vey normal for this kind of thing to happen when relationships end, especially long ones.

  Interesting.  I am a classic introvert.  Almost to the point of being a hermit.  In the 17 years where I have worked, I have NEVER talked about my personal life at all.  Kept it strictly business.  Now after the MLC wife, I will talk to ANYONE who will listen to my story.  I have opened up to a few different people at work for the first time, and what I have discovered is...I actually work with a great bunch of caring people!  Even if the overall place is a zoo.

  I too find I want to get out so bad.  Its not like me though.  But I'm not a "bar" person, and I don't really know where to go LOL.  Also, there is D16 to think of.  I do remember a recent conversation where she told me that she misses hanging out with her friends; although she spends a little too much time with her bf I think...anyway I asked her why didn't she get out and do things with her friends, and she said "Then you would end up here all alone."  Sweet, but concerning.  I told her "What makes you think I will be here alone.  Maybe I want to get out to."  Of course as I said, I really don't have any place to go LOL.

-Terrified

[MeNow]

I did lots of things with my D - saw a lot of movies, bookstores, toy stores, zoo, restaurants. That saved me from going crazy. I also met a few standers in nearby cities that had kids and would spend a weekend with them. Helped immensely as they were the only ones who understood. Also met some by phone and one in particular I carry on conversations with 4-5 times a week. We're now at 3 years of this. I went to my brothers house and hung out with his family rather than being alone. I went to a game night once a week at a friends house. No marriage discussion, just trying to have fun. I got a gym membership and spent time there. Went for walks.

Just get out and do something.   

Best

[nah]

I have 2, both related to times with my w. I will be getting  a 3rd regardless of the outcome. Sometimes you have to make your scars visable. Thank goodness I never liked name tats!

If you change your mind, I think NAH would look great across your chest...   

[nah]

Now after the MLC wife, I will talk to ANYONE who will listen to my story.  I have opened up to a few different people at work for the first time, and what I have discovered is...I actually work with a great bunch of caring people! 

Funny, the title of this thread is called "stages" and you never see this listed specifically but I notice LBSers have talked about this before.  When husband first left, I was afraid to talk to anybody, even close friends.  Then I started talking to close friends but not acquaintances.  I would read this forum but not write anything....for months.

Then I exploded.  I talked to anybody and everybody that would listen.  The neighbors, coworkers, hairdresser, strangers, it didn't matter....If they would listen, I would talk, talk, talk,...lol

Now I vent and discuss basically only on this forum.  If something different comes up (like husband calling, or my son telling me it's stressful over husbands house) I will discuss with boyfriend and maybe a close friend, but other than that, it's old news, I have other things going on in my life.

I didn't really think about it at the time, I just did what came natural.  I think this is why the LBSers heal faster than the MLCers.  We attack the problem, they run away.  However, at some point a person either has to deal with it or die miserable. 

I still care for my husband very much and I do hope he finds his way, not necessarily back to me just back.

[Medusa]

I also went through the talk to anyone who will listen period. I'm sometimes surprised that my friends are still my friends!

Now, I vent here and on the ALT. When something happens, I post and talk to one of my best friends. She knows that's just my need to get it out.

I still care for my husband very much and I do hope he finds his way, not necessarily back to me just back.

Mostly the same except for me there is no not necessarily.

[nah]

I'm sometimes surprised that my friends are still my friends!

I know what you mean, wow, I just couldn't stop. 

It's true, these are the times you really find out who they are.  Some came out of the woodwork and I am so grateful to them.  Some that I would have expected more, (and I was there for them at their times of need)

I am disappointed in my SIL most of all.  Weeks after BD, she came over to talk to me (she thought I left him and I told her the truth).  She was furious with him, and I had to calm HER down.  She stormed out of my house and said she would call me in the morning.  She never talked to me again.  Now I was not only crushed bc of BD, she sent me further into a downward spiral. 

I use to watch her kids full time, she was much closer to me than to husband.  I tried calling, sent messages, nothing.  She completely turned her back on me and I don't know why.  Then, first Christmas w/o husband, she invites my daughter to her house and only my daughter (not me and not my son).  So first Christmas my family was completely shattered in pieces.  I don't think I can ever forgive her for that.

So for the ramble, it just came out.   

[nah]

Sorry not "so"...stupid spellcheck.   

[Songanddance]

The talking to everyone phase is probably following on from the rejection phase  suggested. It's a way of checking that we are real and the need for human contact is so essential for our emotional survival.

I have a slightly different take on introvert and extrovert though. Introverts are not always quiet people - they just reflect on things inwardly. Extroverts reflect outwardly in that they share things with people. Introverts can enjoy a party just as much as an extrovert - they will just respond differently. Introverts listen more and extroverts talk more.
At times of difficulty and crisis though both types can react the same way - they will just eventually handle the fall out differently.

I used to think I was an extrovert as I talk for the UK, laugh loudly, appear gregarious and upbeat....

But I rarely used to go to parties that much because I do not like it when people who get drunk and boisterous. I did not have the confidence to sit with anyone at any time and chose sometimes not to because I am useless at small talk. I would join a group and just listen nodding and smiling or frowning accordingly.  It was also an indication of my low self esteem.

Yes I told everyone about this crisis in the first few months but now I keep it very private (except for here) and only vent at my sister or a very good male friend. If people ask  I just say "same old same old...."

So I think I have moved from extrovert actions to more thoughtful ones. I am more introverted in some ways and perhaps always was but compensated because of my low self esteem.  It is not possible to switch fully from introvert to extrovert and vice versa.

Perhaps this movement from talking to not talking is part of the phase of LBS journey because we are learning to reflect and consider our true selves. It is also an indication of the passage of time in this process and part of our understanding of detachment.