I didn't get the speech til he was gone. He just went to work one day and didn't come home. I thought he was just taking a few day break. He had done it before when we fought in the past.
I had just started a new temp job and had to go through that. I remember finally getting an answer from him when I was driving home from work. He wouldn't talk to me,or text. I got nothing and then he finally gave me the speech. I was pulled over on the side of the road down the street from my new job. I was told I was a b!tc#,it had to do with the crisis I went through,I didn't like his hobbies,we did nothing together but go out to eat and we had nothing in common.
I have always been a person who liked to be home. I am pretty quiet and like being with my family. I did read a lot,worked in my gardens and had started doing stained glass a few years before when he was deployed.
I stayed in my home when he left. I wanted people home with me. I would freak out if left alone even for short periods of time. I would go to the store and rush right home. I read stuff about crisis but that's all I could handle. Everything stopped. I could go mad cleaning house sometimes but didn't care about a lot. I couldn't even bare to cook. I mostly sat in my chair in the living room wrapped in a blanket.
A few times I tried going out with my sister to bars. She and her friends were all into the party. All of them without men. Most of them from bad relationships. I felt so out of place. I remember at one place my sister was dancing and someone came up to me telling me a guy was interested in talking or whatever. I was totally disgusted. I wanted nothing to do with any men,especially some bar loser. I mostly stayed off in a corner drinking. I couldn't wait to go home but thought isn't this what single women do. Um no not this woman.
So I stayed home. I didn't want to be around outsiders. I felt like I had some bad aura around me. I still have trouble reading books. I can sit and look at magazines but anything that takes time forget it. Oh and one more thing. When he left I was taking a couple of medical classes. A lot of studying. I passed with an A and B. How I did it I don't know but I was determined to not fail them.
I did end up checking myself into the hospital too. I need to drive when I get anxious. Only problem was I had gotten to the point where I wanted to drive into a tree. The urge was real bad. I couldn't leave my kids or grandkids. They had gone through too much.
A little while after he left my youngest son was either 19 or 20. He has custody of his son who was two I think. This son got in a minor car accident with the grandson in the back seat. He left his car and got a ride home then went back. An odd behavior. I had suspected him of drug use. I found out him leaving his car had something to do with drugs.
Things got worse. I kept seeing him acting odd. He had ended a relationship. I thought he was addicted to oxy.,but then was hit with the fact it was heroin. I made him go to the hospital. It was either that or I call the cops. So I got to take care of a two year old ,deal with a heroin addict and deal with the $hit from his dad. What a mess.
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