[hawk]

In a way l wish l knew if they end up happy , God knows l've done enough reading and talking with all you guys trying to figure it out.

In a case where they destroy the family and vows for no good reason accept their own dream happiness , l 've hoped the Gods would not reward  that kinda stuff because it just would not be right.

With mine , l just don't know. l got a lot of the happy face sh@t for the first 12mths mostly , but l also got a few long texts through the night talking about everything and regrets .

By the second year , from where l stood things sure didn't look to good . l suspected depression , she couldn't sleep , her job had gone to sh@t and her health got really bad . And  a few of her new new best friends turned out not to be so good after all. No clue on om !

But she still pushed for divorce at 18mths and kept pushing it another 4 until l signed.
Just lately , l can not for the life of me tell . She looks like crap but hey that might just be laziness , dunno.
She's also been very nice to me the last 6wks or so.

But in all honesty , hell right through no she hasn't seemed very happy at all , even with the happy face.
She's a different person and sure not the person she was whenever she was really happy before with me. l haven't seen anything like that in her since we split.

[starting over]

I think right now, in his cloudy brain yes my x is happy. Deep down in reality land no, but there is no way he'll ever admit it. His fb is full of how happy and great he is, but we all know anyone who has to try that hard to convince people how happy they are really isn't.  I think the baby girlfriend is pushing to be out and relevant and he's got to be struggling with that. Happiness is a place you should just be, it shouldn't be a struggle. I think to some degree they all carry some sort of guilt, there's no way they couldn't.  You may never see it but trust me it's there just under the surface, and I think it's next to impossible to be truly happy while you carry the burden of a guilty conscience.

[Medusa]

Mine surprised me the other day by actually caring how I was doing on my last day of work. It was really strange.

As I read through this thread, it occurs that they are doing the same thing we are in some respects: faking it. The difference is that we learn happiness comes from ourselves. They are still chasing rainbows.

Hawk, don't worry about the timeline. So it's been 2 years. Remember that some (perhaps many) of them decide to settle because of the damage they've done. Others (I consider mine in this category) move very slowly through the tunnel. My BD is two years in March. He lived her for 8 months, got his own place for a year, and is just now preparing to love with OW. I think he's had the fantasy for almost 2 years and only now is he going to experience his new reality.

[Yoyolove]

I also hope they are not happy and feel the pain of what they have done to family and friends.  I know my X would say she is happy and will cling to OW even if unhappy until she finds another. Her personality is she cannot be alone, must have someone.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Her personality is she cannot be alone, must have someone.

My wife said something recently to my granddaughter about getting her own place and I have a hard time believing she would ever do it because she also hates being alone. Before BD we had been married for over 34 years, we only spent a handful of nights apart, and she hated every one of them. Still, she may have decided that being alone is better than being with the OM. 

[Dji76]

Mine has conceded several times that she is still depressed and not happy, but she is hopeful. I agree they are seeking happiness from outside sources rather than looking inward. I think many of us do the same when we feel we can't live without our mlcer. I really don't see how that is any different. I know that I had an unhealthy level of dependence on my w for my own happiness. I for one want to be happy. I want my w to be happy. I would prefer us to be happy together but that is not soley my decision. If we can't be happy together than I wish her all the luck in the world finding her own happiness. I believe she is going about it the wrong way but who am I to judge? Like I said, I relied to heavily on her for my happiness and it took her slipping into crisis and leaving for me to learn to be an emotionally healthy and independently happy adult.

[Darth Obo]

Before xW moved out of the FMH I did see a text from her to OM#3 saying she was happy because she had finally got her divorce, she had got her identity back and she was having regular sex with #OM4. She has since moved on to OM #5 and is in love (again) so not sure what that says about her.

I am aware of this same type of revolving partner fast replay in my X. I put a boundary in that I no longer want to hear or care about her personal life and she needed to stop asking about me. But prior to that, I know she was on her 3rd boyfriend and had been on about 25+ Tinder dates. BF#1 dumped her, BF#2 had worse mental issues than her (go figure), and she was on BF#3. All of this in about 4 months time frame.

One of our last actual conversations; can't remember how it came up, but just before I walked out the door, I stated "well, at least you're happy now, right?" Her answer: She shrugged her shoulders and said "well, it's different!"

At this point, the only communication I respond to is about the kids; ignore or blow off everything else and that has pretty much stopped too; I think she finally got the point (hopefully)!


DO

[Albatross]

If junkies, alcoholics, depressed people, personality disordered people could be happy then MLCers can too. (Irony mode off)

Those people: junkies and alcoholics running away from life in other universe because substance abuse.

Personality disordered people can't be happy because they poorly cope with reality.

MLCers are some kind of mix of all of those ingredients.

[hawk]

Well , sure our last few yrs weren't to good. But it was an extreme bum up and nose to the grind time and we got what it was all for in the end.

But before that and even during that at times , we use to amaze people, hell we often amazed ourselves , that we'd be laughing and getting along , even during times where most couples would sure be stressed to the max and on the verge of divorce over it.
We always just had this natural thing in the way we could get along , it over powered what even we thought we the stupidest times where we should have been stressed out like normal people.
Ex could still just be happy , jokes , laughter around us , light .

l don't see that in her personality at all now.
l know blowing up your family and moving out into a rental , an om , money worries , it must have been so hard to do .
But even now , l still don't see that side of her at all. She seems serious , she was never serious .

She does seem to be doing a few things , she hinted something about motor bikes - om l spose , 4wdriving , om l spose , now she's gone on a cruise [ and was always scared sh@tless of the ocean ] .
But l sometimes look and see so this , these few things , that we could have done anyway if we picked ourselves up , is what you did this for then right ? That's what l feel like saying to her sometimes.

And adding , but gee , you don't seem all that happy , not how you just naturally use to be even when all we had was each other and couldn't afford to do a thing.
So has it been worth it , are you happy now ?