[terrified_in_TN]

...

Another thing. Why would someone share comments with anyone's spouse or whatever , from here.? I can understand talking with members from here. We've all made friends here,but to tell info to someone outside here is wrong!

  I was curious about that as well, but I'm not on the alt.  Isn't that facebook or something?  I work in I.T. but don't do social media so I have NO IDEA about myface, spacebook, or whatever they are calling it these days LOL.

-T

-EDIT- Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, coffee.   

[always hopeful]

Well I guess I will join in the fun now.  TN..I also have that same flaw.  I'm too easy going.  I will do anything for anyone, but once you cross my line and only I know when that is, I'm done.  DJ, I could also easily be put in the top 25% and if I chose, could have hooked up with several women at this point in my separation.  But here's the thing in my sitch and many sitches I've read.....my W didnt go for better.  She settled for the first person she could manipulate.  He is an affair down in every sense of the word.  It amazes me to see what she has given up for what she has now.  She has dealt with abuse and abandonment all her life not only from her Father, but by her 1st husband.  When I came along, she put me on a pedestal, but was very insecure.  Everywhere we went, people would look at us (we are a good looking couple).  Over time kids and life got in the way.  I didn't make her priority.  Due to her abandonment issues and her insecurities I honestly believe she thought I was either cheating or about too, so she found a willing participant and started her affair.  She figured she would hurt me before I could hurt her.  Problem is I'm not dating or seeing anyone and she is in a relationship with someone she could give a sh@t less about.  So if and when I do move on, she will go crazy, because I will not settle for less than I know what I deserve.  In her depression, she has definitely settled.

[MeNow]

...

Another thing. Why would someone share comments with anyone's spouse or whatever , from here.? I can understand talking with members from here. We've all made friends here,but to tell info to someone outside here is wrong!

  I was curious about that as well, but I'm not on the alt.  Isn't that facebook or something?  I work in I.T. but don't do social media so I have NO IDEA about myface, spacebook, or whatever they are calling it these days LOL.

-T

Definitely not cool.

[terrified_in_TN]

Hmmm, guess I am the odd one out when it comes to the guys here for sure.  I am seeing someone now.  Do we LOVE each other?  No, but we sure like each other an aweful lot.  We enjoy time together, and make each other laugh, which I very much need these days.  Not sure where our r is headed, but we are just taking things a day at a time.  Our r has a dynamic that I am not used to for sure.  We are more than a FWB couple, but less than a young "in love" couple.

Its funny, I was looking at OP's profile trying to find his story since he is like that fly on the wall that's been here for a while, and I landed on a thread that is now archived where it was said that you should NOT engage into another r because it could ruin any chances of reconciliation.  I found that odd.  Let me get this straight-its okay for your MLC spouse to engage in a physical/emotional r with another person, but don't you dare do it, because they may never forgive you for it?  I don't buy it.

Everyone is different, and in my case-I really can't say what the future will hold.  I may have a complete change of heart should w want to come back.  But for now, I am living "for me" and taking things day by day.  I no longer give head space into what I "should do" to pave the way for w's return.  If it happens it happens, if it don't, it don't.  Life goes on.

There are still days where the overall sitch it still overwhelming though, but they are getting fewer and further inbetween.

-T

[MeNow]

I do have female friends and we talk about everything and laugh a lot, however I'm careful not to go further than that. No need to hurt anyone when I'm not serious about an intimate R.

[terrified_in_TN]

I do have female friends and we talk about everything and laugh a lot, however I'm careful not to go further than that. No need to hurt anyone when I'm not serious about an intimate R.

Understood.  In our case, we are on the same page; we have both been hurt, and don't want to hurt anyone.  Its hard to explain, but right now I think what we like about our r is simply the companionship more than anything.  We have had some serious talks, and I didn't just "jump right in bed" (although she was willing-I put the brakes on it), but we are both at exactly the same point in our lives.

-T

[always hopeful]

Tnt....you have to do what's right for you.  The saying goes "Broken attracts Broken".  You need time to heal yourself and get healthy before you can find someone healthy.  Example:  I have been out GALing and on 2 occasions at 2 different places, I have been approached by 2 women who took an interest in me and gave me their number. After talking to them further, both are MARRIED.  What is this world coming too!

[terrified_in_TN]

You are probably right.  And I really hate to sound like an a$$ about it all, but sorry, I am not about to sit around the house drooling in front of Netflix in my spare time.  I am primarily a "homebody".  So is she.  Guess what-we are getting out and doing things together that we wouldn't normally go out and do on our own.  Is that so bad?  I don't think so.  We know where each other stand, we don't know what the future holds, and both of us have zero expectations.  We are just enjoying each day of life, and accept whatever happens.  As a bonus, she is fiercely independent and NEEDS no one in her life.  She is older and past all this midlife BS.

-T

[terrified_in_TN]

Guess I should add maybe I sound hypocritical in some respects.  If you followed my story you know that I had my own little MLC back in 2009.  I went to go visit old flame ONE time, and so you could say I had a one sided EA.  Therefore I should be MORE understanding of this process than most.  I had ENORMOUS guilt over that, BELIEVE ME.  But as was pointed out to me by several people that know of my story, although I COULD have been the one to blow apart our life, I WASN'T the one that did it.

Looking back, I was really unhappy with life.  But you know what-I blamed society, I blamed the government, I blamed capitalism, I blamed the 1%ers, I blamed my job.  You know who I NEVER blamed for my unhappiness?  MY WIFE.

-T

[MeNow]

Nothing wrong with it TN. Who knows, it could turn into something more serious and if that's what you both want, great.

People here just giving a different perspective, which is a good thing. One thing for sure, take your time.
Your W might be the first one running back.