[elray]

Take your experiences with religious people and personal biases out of it.  Look at the arc of human history in the last 2000 years.  Cultures that promoted Monogamy thrived and you could easily argue it was a competitive advantage.  A personal sacrifice for the greater good.  But the pillars that supported it are now gone and it's foolish to pretend otherwise.


Btw, tnt, both forms of sexual performance you described are essentially the same problem.  They stem from a lack of immersion in the moment.  There's an interesting sex guide book you can find for free floating around called Sex God Method.   I give it five stars.  It is not about technique. It explains how sex is mainly a brain focused event.

[terrified_in_TN]

Take your experiences with religious people and personal biases out of it.  Look at the arc of human history in the last 2000 years.  Cultures that promoted Monogamy thrived and you could easily argue it was a competitive advantage.  A personal sacrifice for the greater good.  But the pillars that supported it are now gone and it's foolish to pretend otherwise.

Hmmmm, interesting that you chose going back 2000 years...go back a little further.  You could easily say that cultures that promoted Polygamy thrived as well, and had its advantages.

I hate to have such a crude view of marriage now, but what advatanges are there any more?  Well, it greatly reduces the chances of getting a (potentially deadly) STD, and it has financial advantages in our modern society.

Aside from that, do you REALLY NEED that piece of paper to enter into a committed r?

-T

[terrified_in_TN]

Okay, I am really getting out there I know (hell, I am the only one up here...still drinking my coffee), but here is something that REALLY bothers me in modern society:

In hindsight, I should have chosen to marry someone in the same economic class as myself:  Why-because I was a "have", and my wife was a "have not".  I do NOT discount the contributions she brought to the m, but based on our current d laws, I am going to lose WAY more than she will.  At least if my w was of the same economic level as me, then splitting assets would yield the same financial fallout as if I was single.  As it turns out, I am going to be WAY worse off than if I was single, and she is going to benefit way MORE than if she was single.

Don't get me wrong, I did NOT have the attitude that marriage was all about finances; obviously I married because of what I felt in my heart; but now I question everything.

-T

-EDIT-  Not sure if that came out the right way.  Let me put it like this:  She contributed 25% or less to our household income.  I contributed the remaining 75% or greater; and for the women working, yes...I know there is more to it than money, but why is it that she will walk away with 50% of the assets?  ESPECIALLY considering she was "done", and I wasn't at the time?

[elray]

Not to be crude --I know you were in love-- but didn't the youn TNT realize that it was a trade off.  We all have a sexual market place value.  Picking someone of higher economic value probably would mean and significant drop in other value related factors.  For example-- no sense of humor.  :-)

[terrified_in_TN]

Not to be crude --I know you were in love-- but didn't the youn TNT realize that it was a trade off.  We all have a sexual market place value.  Picking someone of higher economic value probably would mean and significant drop in other value related factors.  For example-- no sense of humor.  :-)

Honestly I never gave it a seconds thought.  I just went with what was in my heart.  Then again I, probably like EVERYONE else here, thought it was "forever" and d wouldn't happen to me.  Naive.

To expand on my financial b!tc#ing above-Something else that kills me:  OM is as financially depressed as w is as far as income earning potential.  At this stage in her life, MLC, or whatever...since she is "in love" with this guys, AND she is going to end up with 50% of the assets, and probably a steady income due to CS and Alimony, who is ultimately going to benefit from all the years of my hard work?  He Is.  That burns me.  Sorry, our d laws are whacked.  If there is someone waiting in the wings who could potentially benefit financially from another's fallout-that REALLY needs consideration in the court room.  Of course, I guess there is no way to PROVE one's true motives, but that is my GUT feeling anyway.

-T

[terrified_in_TN]

Alright, since I have ate up about 3 or 4 pages of this thread already, I will step off my soap box for a while.  I will just leave with this final thought:

I think its painfully obvious my anger and bitterness is showing through.  But here is the thing:  I am not angry AT my wife, and I don't HATE her.  Actually, I don't really blame her for a lot of the things I am feeling right now.

The fact that she is going to gain financially from d-I blame "the system" for that, and not her.
The fact that I think OM has a hidden agenda:  Don't blame her there either.  Love is blind.

I don't hate her at all.  I just don't particularly want to have anything more to do with her.  As I said earlier, I GET the MLC; I DON'T get the nastiness aimed in my direction.  I can't figure out what I did, and probably never will.  I know, I know, its "projecting".  I jokingly said one time in my thread I did not used to believe in alien abduction until MLC.  But its not like they are having out-of-body experiences.  They DO have control of their actions, and they DO have control over their emotions.  I mean seriously, if "temporary insanity due to MLC" isn't a valid court room defense, then its not a valid defense for treating someone like sh!t either.

So as I said, don't hate her; do hate her actions and verbalizations towards me, so I choose to to put her in the same group as the very few people in my life that "crossed that line".

-T

[Picton]

While on the subject of sex, and God I can't believe I am even going to admit to this...

I used to have a problem with being....how can I put this....a "minute man".  Since separation, I had two "one nighters".  I never had problems "rising to the occasion", but found I had the OPPOSITE problem.  I couldn't "finish".  Hell, even trying to "take care of myself" is too much like work these days.  That's pretty bad when no matter how much you try, if you can't get yourself off, there is a SERIOUS problem.  I reached a point I just gave up.

The point is, when we are younger, if the wind blows in the right direction, that is about all it takes to get us guys off.  However now I find if there isn't SOME kind of connection, its pretty much mute point.

 Women have this problem also - as we mature it's all about the head. If that's not in the right space nothing works like it should!

Kia Kaha - stay strong

[Mad Hatter]

Tnt....you have to do what's right for you.  The saying goes "Broken attracts Broken".  You need time to heal yourself and get healthy before you can find someone healthy.  Example:  I have been out GALing and on 2 occasions at 2 different places, I have been approached by 2 women who took an interest in me and gave me their number. After talking to them further, both are MARRIED.  What is this world coming too!

When we GAL we are essentially doing things to improve ourselves, fix our issues, mentally and physically. We all seem to hit the gym, maybe we volunteer, do things to meet new people, become more of an extrovert insread of introvert in a lot of cases. Maybe we get back into an old hobby. In the end, it seems a lot of us get back to who and what we were when we met our spouse.....usually it is a better, more refined and mature version. Maybe we were already successful or we become more successful.

Well, fellas, in the end all of that makes us a more attractive person. Add in the fact that through GAL, we end up getting oir self esteem, ego and confidence back. when you are feeling good about yourself, carrying your self with confidence and have that "strut and swagger" about you, it can be seen!

I guarantee, you were displaying quality traits and it can be seen and attracted these women. Both of them saw you as a potential "catch" and quite possibly they saw you as better than what they have. Their natural hypergamy kicked in, either because of a perceived higher social status, perceived higher physical atraction, perceived higher financial status, or any combination of these! In short, they are willing to branch swing on there perception of getting a better deal!

[terrified_in_TN]

...Hell, even trying to "take care of myself" is too much like work these days.  That's pretty bad when no matter how much you try, if you can't get yourself off, there is a SERIOUS problem.....

By the way, my song of the day:  Rosie by Jackson Browne: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZBSQG6hWVI

[Mad Hatter]

...Hell, even trying to "take care of myself" is too much like work these days.  That's pretty bad when no matter how much you try, if you can't get yourself off, there is a SERIOUS problem.....

By the way, my song of the day:  Rosie by Jackson Browne: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZBSQG6hWVI

AC/DC - Whole Lotta Rosie
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=H2Gwr-VrNFM