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Author Topic: Discussion Signs your spouse is in MLC - What classifies as a MLC

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Discussion Signs your spouse is in MLC - What classifies as a MLC
OP: December 22, 2010, 10:15:40 PM
Hi.
I would like to discuss how to know whether or not one's spouse is actually having a MLC.  I have read Conway's book and believe I have some idea of the signs.
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« Last Edit: October 30, 2016, 06:27:45 PM by Anjae »
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Re: How do you know it's a MLC?
#1: December 22, 2010, 10:36:06 PM
I answered this recently somewhere on another thread.

Lets see if I remember

The affair partner is their "soul mate" they love them deeply from the get go.
No one sees it coming, often in a normal affair people are aware something is happening and the spouse is "last to know".  In MLC everyone is gobsmacked.  taken by surprise when bomb drop happens.
they often flit between the spouse and OP. 
they will walk out not taking anything except a few things.
They RARELY organise things before hand.
Their personality changes totally not just toward you but toward everyone.
They will cut off family, friends, their own children.

Now these are just generalities but the reason it doesn't matter as much is whether they are MLC or not you do the same things.  Just with MLC there is greater chance of them returning once they get through the tunnel.  A normal affair they will also try and hide it totally and when it comes out they will often choose their spouse over OP in MLC they throw the spouse under the bus.

Ultimatums don't work


Sorry your here but it really is a good place to get support

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Re: How do you know it's a MLC?
#2: December 23, 2010, 01:37:12 AM
I agree with Shantilly.,

Someone once said to me that the reason you know it is MLC and not just a bad marriage is the fact that they usually want their cake and eat it. If it was just a bad marriage, they would pack their bags and disappear into the sunset without a backward glance.  You can tell it's MLC because they are so mixed up they change their minds weekly, daily even hourly, rewriting your history as they go.
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Re: How do you know it's a MLC?
#3: December 23, 2010, 02:15:47 AM
Glimmer
Just a word of caution, some MLCers do vanish completely or have infrequent contact. They do all their cycling where the LBS can't see.
There's a thread on that subject for those of us with that problem.
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Re: How do you know it's a MLC?
#4: December 23, 2010, 02:21:53 AM
Yep I was a vanisher but I just ran. Not organising anything. No one saw it coming. Not even me.
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Re: How do you know it's a MLC?
#5: December 23, 2010, 02:31:27 AM
Sorry Voyager

I take that back. Was just saying from a personal viewpoint, should have made that clearer.
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Re: How do you know it's a MLC?
#6: December 23, 2010, 04:37:11 AM
There are similarities in all cases, but nothing is black/white.

My H (in MLC for 2.75 years) has never left our home. To my knowledge, there is no OW. He fantasizes about life he doesn't have. He has said he is "done" since 1/09, but has never left our home. Still does family things....not couple things.

His replay was concerts, being a workaholic, secret drinking, excessive exercise, teen type movies, slang, wanting to run.

So, I have always considered him a "runner" with low energy, so he doesn't actually leave the situation.
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Re: How do you know it's a MLC?
#7: December 23, 2010, 05:01:47 AM
I agree with Still nothing in MLC is black&white and all sitchs. are different but they do show similar characteristics.  The most noticable is the 180 in personality change.  The once dedicated, caring & H and father is gone.  Their total selfishness comes to the forefront.  It's all about them and everyone else is pushed to the side.
The affair is just a bandaid.  They have found someone to ease their guilt and justify their actions in the abandoment of their families and their morals.  The OP has their own agenda in the affair and is a pathetic excuse for a human being even if they are not aware of it.
Just my two cents on what I see in my sitch and others.  No point really in analyzing MLC as it will only drive you to the brink of insanity.
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Re: How do you know it's a MLC?
#8: December 23, 2010, 05:27:46 AM
Well from the DB Board MLC = Confusion.

Depression(Overt or Covert), Childhood Issues, Trigger mechanism(death, illness), hormones out of whack.

The above would classify to me parts of a MLC.

With the depression it might be hard to see because the covert is a masked depression that may not be obvious or diagnosised.
Affairs are the norm but not in all cases.
The replay actions are a running away function trying to FIX themselves by external forces.
Usually these fail.

That is my .02
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Re: How do you know it's a MLC?
#9: December 23, 2010, 05:29:47 AM
Wow.  I've been lurking a bit, trying to decide if I would make the jump from annother site.  This discussion just sinched it for me.  It made the MLC/not MLC question so clear to me.  I've had a lot of questions about if my H is in MLC or just fell off the faithfulness wagon and I was making excusses for him.  Think I have a genuine MLCer, even if he is a bit young for it. 

Thanks for this discussion all!
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