[Bewildered]

i remember that scence too - but in real life she left her H for a Women ??
................. oh how he must have felt at least we have some hope don't we in this case no hope would be awful to deal with along with the pain of betrayal and hurt
so one for NY any other takers - ??

B xx

[What Next]

Bewildered,

I am only in Ireland but wouldn't have been available for Jan 28th, otherwise I would have loved to travel to Manchester.  I think it is a good, positive and healthy next step for the group.

I'd also be very interested in going to the US if that was to happen.  I have actually spent the last week wondering if I should suggest a conference/seminar to RCR & others for late this Summer.  I know these things take a bit of organising and maybe something more informal is easier but I was thinking a long the lines of getting guest speakers (like Jed Diamond & others) to attend and hopefully to raise the MLC profile.  I have been really frustrated with how little health professionals seem to know, such as my counsellor and GP.  They are supportive but not very well informed.

Anyway that might be a goal for 2012 but again I am happy to express my interest in meeting up in the UK or US at anytime this year to cement the incredible work being done 'underground'.

Best of luck on the 28th!

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Wow, I would love to come to the UK for any visit. Thanks, we should look at having our own conference. I suggest Las Vegas because the room rates are great, and they have lots of great places for us to conference. Just my input.

[Bewildered]

his angel

if your plans change let me know for the 28th as you say Ireland isnt far from Manchester!

Your conference sounds a good idea but the problem I think maybe how to make the awareness of MLC for those it affects as it seems the MLC'er can not be fixed -xcept through time?

Ready
sounds like your the man for the USA conference ?

B x

[justasking]

B

I think raising awareness of good practice with professionals such as health will give support both to the MLC er and the LBS through understanding. The understanding is what is lacking. Part of the raising awareness would be about the journey travelled and time and space being the key to a successful outcome, whatever that is.

xx

[Bewildered]

JA

yes see your point - awareness at a young age - would maybe alert a MLC person as to what is happening to them???
RCR and HB would it??
I do think it would help the LBS but all I know that identity crisis and depression - however much it s know doesn't seem to make a person understand its happening to them but would love a MLC pill to be developed that speed ed up this agonising process XX

[justasking]

B

The crisis is part of 'normal' transition but at the extremem end. Health professionals educate teenagers on puberty, sexual health, pregnacny and healthy adult. What we lack in this country anyway is the education about transition points i.e being a parent,menopause and midlfe.

But professionals in their own right need to have a more indepth overview of the MLC journey and the emotional turmoil it causes to them and their families. My GP asked if I could ask if my H could come home as I was so upset! Not helpful at the time. LBS and MLCers need information that is accurate and helpful also even if it is 'this will take time and patience will be needed by the bucket load'. MLC still has the 'mand buys sports car' slant to it and we know how it is much much more than that.

Information will never prevent it but allow people to understand it better.

xx

[What Next]

I agree with JA,

My blossoming understanding is that Male depression differs so much from Female depression that it has largely gone unacknowledged / unidentified and therefore unresponsive to intervention or traditional treatments.

I don't for one minute think we can cure MLC but do wonder if we can lessen the impact, such as transition rather than crisis, through early diagnose of depression or aggression (one and the same in men it seems).

I know I lived with a man prone to aggressive behaviour, I did not know enough about impact of family of origin, male depression or MLC to have dealt with my situation nor would it seem our family GP or counsellors whom we have both seen.  I am learning now and if it wasn't for this forum, it would be learning in a vaccum.

I believe in the school programs and would like to lobby my government on looking into this aspect of Male mental health, we lose an above average number of teenage boys and midlife men to suicide.  In recent years the later have tended to include murder/suicides - children being the main target.  I have to believe there are correltions to what we might all be experiencing, even if it is in the extreme.  Maybe I am wrong but I can't seem to get any traction on this discussion where I live.

[Bewildered]

JA

Yes you are right what I am trying to say is and its a Q. not me stating facts just a view is how can you educate the MLC' er (the one going thought this) to recognise that the ML transition is normal and that they are in a crisis? And need support???

as His Angel says we don't have enough support for male mental health issues and we lose tortured boys and men to suicide too much?

Even the Doctors and health professionals would not be able to help them ? Unless its spotted early - and how can this be done ? I think you both are right it needs early education and some form of adolescence support and a connection to ML?
 
From all of my learning in physiology - crisis become crisis because the person is unable to clearly work his/her way out of where the desperation and anxiety is and find the answers that will make him/her feel better
 - for example Erick Erickson defines; adolescence crisis as;

(psychology) The critical period in emotional maturation and personality development, occurring usually during adolescence, which involves the reworking and abandonment of childhood identifications and the integration of new personal and social identifications.

in mid life Carl Jung & Jaques, Eliott say:

As a major evolutionary stage in middle adulthood, the midlife crisis corresponds to a change, a transition, or an existential turning point that is not necessarily pathological and takes place somewhere between the ages of forty and fifty-five.

Based on a more or less deep questioning of oneself it may contribute to the possible emergence of psycho-pathological disturbances that in all probability stem from the personal history and constitution of each person (depressive reactions,  manic or hypomanic defenses,(short term craziness)  and psychotic outbursts). Somatic (relating to the way the body is reacting - in this sense to ageing) complaints may also often come to the fore.

From a psychopathological point of view, the midlife crisis has its roots in a complex interweaving of different biological, psychological, and social factors. Some Authors (among them Eliott Jaques and Daniel J. Levinson) have studied the factors that may contribute to the fragility of the mind; in particular reduced physical performance, the approach of menopause in women, andropause in men or a painful awareness of the time that has already passed.

From a psychodynamic point of view a role may be attributed to the reverse parental identification with the children, who are approximately going through adolescence when their parents are having their midlife crisis. These reverse identifications run an implicit risk of causing depressive moods by virtue of the fact that they are based on an existential impasse.

In relation to the midlife crisis it is worth referring to Carl Gustav Jung's already quite old writings, particularly the article titled The Stages of Life. Here he described individual characters that are organized around the introversion/extroversion dialectic and are centered by a process of individuation that leads the human being toward a possible crisis of identity.

The concept of crisis has lost some of its importance in modern psychopathological writing both in relation to adolescence and to this midlife period that is sometimes called maturescence and then considered to be a sort of second adolescence or a third phase in the separation-individuation process. Nowadays we tend to lay more stress on the processes of psychic mutation or transformation with reference to the concept of "catastrophic change" (by René Thom - in a nutshell that dealing with change good/bad can not happen without sometimes a crisis occurring as it is linked to the physical aspects of the body then the mind dealing with these issues that are affecting the body - MLC ageing etc but this can also be about illness, war injuries etc ) but without the harmful aspect that is often associated with the term crisis.
So in other words its not a Mid life crisis - to Rene its a Mid life catastrophic change happening to the MLC 'ers.

B xx

Bibliography

Jaques, Eliott. (1965). Death and the mid-life crisis. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 46, 502-514.

Jung, Carl Gustav. (1930). The stages of life. In Modern man in search of a soul. New York: Harvest Books.

[What Next]

B,

Thank you for posting that!  All the more reason I would love a Face-to-Face with this group.  So many of you have such insights either professionally or through your own experiences.  I exist in the Logistic world, not much room for emotional sharing there! But it does mean I work mainly with men and the change in my relationships with some of those men (for the better) has come about through my understanding of how men struggle emotionally.  Recently some of those men have shared their daily challenges with me and it definitely screams for change!

Good luck with the 28th and hopefully we can meet in 2011 at a later date.

X