[patience.of.a.saint]

Hawk, you're not that old. Try being 30 and everything is over that you thought you wanted in life...and then it happens AGAIN at 40. Seriously, I don't have any desire to turn 50 after my track record, but I can only hope something FAR better is in the works for me.

Everything happens for a reason. We just have to wait our turn to find out what that reason is for each of us.

[hawk]

And maybe that job or another , or something else Ofrd huh , leads to this and this to that , just never know , all the best with everything eh .

Yeah l know Patience and thanks for that. l'm only about 40 anyway so everyone reckons but it's more about my past, everything we did to be here yet now this and being in another new here , all wasted thanks to this divorce . And then adding another 5yrs to staying here being with my d.
l just can't see much of a future .
l have to start again financially , mortgage , pretty well from scratch  . Somehow figure out a place l wanna live that works in with my d and then l have work like a dog again and find a way of buying something, when that was all set up to perfection after working our ass  off already. Now this .
And then there's maybe the someone new thing , l just don't know.
l put everything l had into us getting set up after the life we'd led and so this , now .  FK !!!
l too always believed if left alone , life natural course , things happen as they may and often for a reason . But this was mlc intervention that's put me here not life's intervention so , just gotta wonder.

l know you have to get up again Patience and l can imagine after all this , how that must be but you know what . A lot like mine and many others here , your's was mlc intervention to m not lifes . But now , you have the chance to live what's in your heart and take it where you feel you wanna be . That's a big difference .
lf your living you for a change , then life can do it's thing for you and who knows just what surprises it has for you . Maybe it all leads you into another 50yrs of bliss and happiness that just couldn't have been if not for it all . Just never know .  Big hug .

[terrified_in_TN]

Jumpin in this topic kind of late, but to answer the OP's original question-possibly...

I went through a what I *thought* was a short lived MLC in 2009.  However, after being around the boards, I realized I never really got out of the tunnel so to speak.  I attempted a start at high energy replay, but ended up a wallower for YEARS.  I think had it not been for my spouse's MLC, I might still be wallowing.

Can't say I'm jumping for joy these days, or bursting with happiness though.  So much on my plate.  So much on my mind.  So scared of the unknown.  I have NO IDEA what my life is going to look like post d.

-T

[nah]

Hawk, you're not that old. Try being 30 and everything is over that you thought you wanted in life...and then it happens AGAIN at 40. Seriously, I don't have any desire to turn 50 after my track record, but I can only hope something FAR better is in the works for me.

Everything happens for a reason. We just have to wait our turn to find out what that reason is for each of us.

Patience--I can't imagine going through this pain twice but it does remind me of my mother.

When she was 21, she had my sister (3) and brother (2) and was pregnant with my other sister.  Her first husband was working at a gas station, we was robbed and shot in the head.  He was in a coma for a few months and died.  It was 1960.  She had no money and no way to survive.  Since she was "blonde and pretty"...this was actually stated in the newspaper  , she was expected to have no problem getting another husband.

That's where my father came in.  They met and married within 2 weeks.  She had my other brother and then me.

My father left her at age 60.  He hid his money and was extremely mean, she did not deserved to be treated the way he treated her.  Again, no job, no way to support herself and now she was 60.  Long story short, she went back to school and now at 78, she is always busy, traveling, visiting with friends and family, and still working!!  She is my inspiration.  Yes, my father tried to come back 3 years after he left her and she said, "No way"!!!

Three days after my husband left, I was of course sitting, staring in space and crying my eyes out.  My mother came upstairs (she lives with me) and said, "Oh geez, he will come back, and when he does you won't want him, go out and work in your garden, you love working in your garden"  How could I argue?

[Thunder]

nah,  Your mother is a wonderful inspiration for all us.  Life is never over no matter what your age.
Life is hard but you just need to stand up straight and face your fears...and go on.

My mom had a friend who's H died when she was 68.  She was absolutely destroyed over losing him.
Today she is 72, married a man who is 52 and extremely happy.   Who'd a thought?

[hawk]

Jumpin in this topic kind of late, but to answer the OP's original question-possibly...

I went through a what I *thought* was a short lived MLC in 2009.  However, after being around the boards, I realized I never really got out of the tunnel so to speak.  I attempted a start at high energy replay, but ended up a wallower for YEARS.  I think had it not been for my spouse's MLC, I might still be wallowing.

Can't say I'm jumping for joy these days, or bursting with happiness though.  So much on my plate.  So much on my mind.  So scared of the unknown.  I have NO IDEA what my life is going to look like post d.

-T

Sounds a lot like how l've been feeling T.  No idea tbh how l'm going to sort this mess out now .
l am quite amazed about one thing though , my sense of humor has returned just lately and getting me into plenty of trouble , at least that's something.
l had a couple of good pays at work and spent far too much money on myself plus D and l have been away 3times in 3mths. So , l can def' recommend a bit of self spoiling, seems to have really picked me up.
Try it if you get the chance mate.

[Treasure]

Attaching

[Songanddance]

When our MLCers cause the massive upheaval they do in our lives, could it be that it is really OUR lives that are in need of being changed?

The MLCers create their own upheaval - we have no responsibility in that.  We cannot cause the MLC at any time - it is deep rooted and personal.

Do our lives need changing - the answer is no but our lives stopped evolving and that is the difference.

Married couples tend to put the relationship on pause when children arrive/ pets /sibling/ friends/parents illness/death ...etc. There is an unspoken complacency about the relationship.  It's the " we love each other - we can rely on each other and pick up where we left off" syndrome.

We stop evolving as human beings as our lives become wrapped up in other events and activities and we lose the self and the "we".

2 years on - I have evolved and yet not necessarily changed.  I have just become true to me and my feelings. This is not a midlife transition although I know that there are times when I could happily sell the house, leave the job and move away to "start afresh" but I will always take what is in me away with me.

We have to continue to evolve and most of us forget to do that. 

Now in my early fifties - I realise how much more I have to grow and learn.   I have come to understand more about me over the last two years than I did in my 28+ years with H.  I am more like the S&D before I met H.  I am returning to my core and yet I have evolved and continue to do so.

My friends and family all tell me that it is like a new me.  It's not - but it is the true me.

So does the havoc an MLCer create mean that our lives NEED changing?? No but it's ok to do so if that helps you to heal.

 Not only that the changes you do make are inevitably positive ones so whilst your MLCer loses out you know how to place yourself into a win win situation - no matter what or when.

[OffRoad]

Now in my early fifties - I realise how much more I have to grow and learn.   I have come to understand more about me over the last two years than I did in my 28+ years with H.  I am more like the S&D before I met H.  I am returning to my core and yet I have evolved and continue to do so.

My friends and family all tell me that it is like a new me.  It's not - but it is the true me.

To me, this IS changing. When you grow and/or evolve, you also change. You say it's not a new you, but the true you. Then where was the true you up until this time? Obviously the people who knew you best didn't see it, so it was buried somewhere. Would it have been better to have lived the rest of your life as the not True You?  Or are you a better person now? This is what I was thinking of when I wondered if it is our own lives that need to be changed.

[toomanytearss]

I think I understand about not really being a new me, but a true me.  When I met h I was a bit wild.  You could dare me to do anything and I'd do it.  No fear. Determined.  I would practice shooting pool every night just so I could beat this boy I had a crush on.  LOL  I water skied, rode horses, on the swim team and tennis team.  Lots of friends.  I was outgoing, friendly, kind, love animals, I cry when others cry (how embarrassing). 

H liked many of the things about me, but I think they overtook him.  H wasn't as out there as me.  The first time I saw it was the first time he took me out on his fathers boat.  Now, I grew up on the water and had my own ski boat since I was 10.  H kept telling me to sit down  and when he had to dock he was having trouble and I offered to do it for him.  He said no and I was never allowed to drive the boat.  EVER.  I just let it slide.  If I did anything better than him or got more attention than him he would want me to tone it down.  So I did.  I really didn't mind, but I lost a lot of who I really am along the way. 

Maybe who I really am isn't all that great, but if so, h should have passed to begin with instead of trying to mold me into someone else.