[OffRoad]

I needed some praise,appreciation and some thanks for the things I did for her on a daily basis and didn't think that should be to much to ask as I always showed my appreciation and thanked her for anything she did even down to thanking her for the children she brought into my life.
Instead I had to endure countless posts on fb stating how she had cleaned cooked hoovered etc but no mention of the fact that I helped with it all aswell as running a business and looking after all the kids two to three nights a week and taking on my stepchildren financially and emotionally for 15 yrs with never a mention of thanks while she got a degree at night school.
I am only just starting to get any thanks now 2 yrs after she left me !!!

How is it in this instance you did not feel needed? Is that actually the same as not having your needs met to a man? Is it more along the lines of if you don't get any appreciation, then you feel like your contributions are not valued and not needed?

[Lanzo]

If after a 60+ hour week I had the audacity to fall asleep after reading my youngest son a story - well no sex for you.

Insert xW dissatisfaction [                                  ]well no sex for you.

The first example of this was while we were still dating  and I kept xW and her friend waiting   at the train station for 10 mins before I picked them up. xW actually told her friend "Well that's no sex for him tonight."

Not sure if that answers the question on this thread, but I've waited for 2 year on this site  to actually get that into a thread.

Lanzo

[bookwrmmom]

I don't understand women that use sex as a punishment....unless they just don't like it......I don't understand that either 

[Family man]

I guess I only felt needed as a financial provider whereas I needed love and appreciation to actually feel needed.
When she left she started getting friends or work colleagues to do all the things I had once done just to prove she didn't need me. But after botched work and limited finances two yrs down the line she is back to asking me to do it. I actually feel more needed now than I did due to the fact she always thanks me.
I now do everything for myself other than my ironing which she has started offering to do but mainly because most of it is her sons who lives with me so in reality it made me realise I didn't actually need her in my life as much as she needs me

[MIMIx]

That's a very honest and sincere answer, Family Man.  I'm sure that if my husband was asked this question, his answer would be the same as yours.

I guess we women are wired differently and we don't realize how important it is for a man to feel appreciated.  We learn the hard way.  Of course, many of us do appreciate everything our husbands do for us.  We just forget to express our feelings of appreciation because we don't have those same needs.  It seems like more of a misunderstanding than an intentional disregard.

[OffRoad]

What I am getting so far is that men need their needs met to feel needed? That is very confusing to me. That seems self centered as opposed to giving.  To me, not feeling needed is like there is nothing I can give you that you want.

Is there anyone who can help me understand this? I must be missing some part of the equation.

[OffRoad]

I don't understand women that use sex as a punishment....unless they just don't like it......I don't understand that either 

Some men are not very good at sex, and you can't say anything about that to them or they completely withdraw. Makes it not so much fun for the woman....just saying....

[bookwrmmom]

Offroad.....this is sadly true too. However most men that I have talked to are very much about pleasing their woman. Maybe it is a maturity thing, that the older a man gets the more he takes pride in his "work" 

[MeNow]

It may depend on what particular love language one speaks. For me, physical touch and words of affirmation.
Basically I just want to know that I'm #1 in your life, you're into me, want me, appreciate me, respect me, consult me, and think well of me (and show it). I will move mountains for you if I'm feeling special.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

So I think the question is: If I were to tell my wife I didn't feel needed what would I mean?

That's easy for me to answer because I don't feel like my wife needs me right now but my answer may not be that of a typical man.

I will feel needed if my wife turns to me for emotional support. If I'm the rock she leans on when times are bad, if I'm the one she wants to share what's happening in her life when things are going well, that's when I'll feel needed.

The rest of it, buying her things, mowing the lawn, taking care of the house, I did all of that, but that's not being needed, that's just being a partner and carrying my share of the load, and maybe a little more than my share because I loved her. And I didn't mind doing it because I've always enjoyed doing stuff for her. Not long ago I changed the oil in her truck and took it for a drive to make sure nothing was wrong with it. I enjoyed doing that for her but she didn't need me to do it for her. She could have taken it to a garage. Now if she had wanted me to change the oil in her truck so she could hang out with me and keep me company while I was doing it like she used to do early in our relationship, I would have felt very needed.

My wife used to do a lot for me, too, and even though I didn't need her to do those things because I could have done them myself, I hope she felt appreciated. Not needed, but appreciated. I hope she felt needed not for what she did for me but for who she was to me.

I told you this was going to be different. I'm not sure I'm normal.