[Still]

Somehow I missed this thread when it was originally posted. Actually, just the other day I asked a similar question about low energy MLC'ers.

My h is definitely a low energy MLC'er, even though he has always been a very high energy person in all other stages of his life. He used to do everything with zest and perfectionism. Now, he is a shell of that person. His "replay" was only about a year (secret drinking, constantly watching cage fighting matches, crude teen humor movies, music blasting from his youth, going out, golfing several times a week, buying new clothes, fixated on improving his body through diet/exercise, changing looks, concerts constantly, looking/test driving sports cars, hanging with a younger crowd, no OW [but expressed a desire to having other relationships]).

He is now completely different than he was during that time period. He is almost lethargic. He does very little to maintain our home....things have gone unrepaired for months/years. These are things that never would have happened. He was a constant fixer on our home. We have rental property that has gone empty for about 10 months because he doesn't have the energy to get some things fixed (though he is off all summer). He plays computer games and soduko by the hours. Doesn't always shave. Never picks up anything around the house. I could see some aspects of his previous self during replay, but now there is very little of what he was.

[stillhere]

Just a few quick thoughts on this thread, perhaps they reflect my own confusion about my H and depression.  In many ways he is high energy, affair, moving out, etc.  But in one way mentioned he is low energy.  He does not show much anger, more contempt I think.  Perhaps that is anger?  I don't understand/know enough about male depression to recognize it fully in him.  Guess that gives me another topic to research/understand.  Just some random thoughts here.

[Rollercoasterider]

Since this seems to be your thread now.
I asked a question on another thread but maybe you didn't see it.
At the beginning of this thread you have replay split into two groups high energy/low energy.
Now you also have different types of MLC'ers Boomerang, Vanisher and more than likely others which names escape me right now
(middle aged guy thing I can't remember anything)
Could you briefly give us all the names and I assume they fall under the high energy/low energy types.

I talked about High-Energy and Low-Energy to differentiate different manifestations of Replay behaviours. The Boomerang, Off-and-On and Vanisher  are not relate but are about how an MLCer keeps contact with the LBS--the frequency fo the contact.

I also have discussed Clinging Boomerang as a type of Boomerang to describe contact that is not merely frequent, but more attached and probably less motaivated to seek a divorce--possibly even insistent that they want their marriage...someday at  least. Sweetheart filed for divorce because the OW pressured, but he soon stopped it and was insistent from then on that he did not want a divorce...even though he kept leaving. He was a Clinging Boomerang.

On the energy spectrum he would be more high than low, he does not show severe depression, but sometimes seems to be almost constantly mild when in a depressive state. He also went through Monster, but briefly. Monster then popped up for visits, but was not a permanent Replay fixture like it is with some--Writingmom's MLCer comes to mind. An MLCer who is usually in Monster is high-energy.

For low-energy examples look at Amazing and Andy 57 in the archives. Amazing's MLCer is also a Clinging Boomerang whereas I would say that Andy 57's is a Boomerang, but not clinging even though he lives at home.

It seems that Boomerangs are the most common of the Contact Types; as energy types they run across the entire high-to-low spectrum. But what about the lower contact types: Vanisher and Off-and-On.  Are these contact types more likely to be at a certain end of the energy spectrum? I don't know at all...but perhaps that is a good exploration for the Vanishing thread.

It can get confusing thinking of all the different types. Some are probably based on personality type--as I think with high/low energy, but there can be data based on nurture and life expereince. Consider those who had high-levels of success like Jim Conway and felt out of place, like an imposte in a world to which they did not belong...having grown up in a different world...vs...someone who has struggled with little success or at least not had high-level achievement often to the level of power/influence over others. One thinks they don't deserve what they have and the other thinks they will never make it, that they will alwys be a failure.

What about the difference between an ego-inflater and an ego-deflater. The inflater overcompensates for low self-worth and many buy into their facade of confidence; the deflater is a bit more true to their word, wearing their low self-esteem openly for everyone to see. Is the infalter a high-energy Replayer and the Deflater a low-energy Replayer...or are these at least more likely to be that way? Does one trait or type have anything to do with the other?

Typing can get a bit much...blue eyes, left-handed, red-hair, curly-hair...some traits are linked and others have nothing to do with each other.
 
I think the contact type Boomerang has nothing to do with whether an MLCer is high or low wnergy, but whether that is also true of the less frequent contact types...I don't know yet...

I think that might muddy the issue rather than answer your question!

[OldPilot]

It might muddy the water but maybe I can make a suggestion, or maybe it already exists.
I was thinking some kind of overview chart with all the names and then you could link the explanations in with links.
So it would be a place to go if your spouse was a boomerang contact, with high energy. You could click on  the links and get the articles already written. Or forget the links you could do that part later.

I am not sure myself because with all the different terms, how it all fits together.
I was just thinking that I might not be the only person somewhat confused.

Does that make any sense?

[watching and waiting]

I have also had these thoughts OP,
Last night whilst I was doing some reading I thought i would have do a chart to work out where everthing fits.

HUGS

[Anjae]

Rollercoasterider,

I also like the idea of having two subterms for the Replay stage. It will help to differentiated high and low MCLers. You should keep using replay has a general term. It is quite self explanatory in itseft and easy to get.

[Gallagher]

My husband is definitely low energy MLCer.  I took me some time realize that his "replay" started way before BD, primarily because he did not have any" high energy behavior".   He didn't fit the profile that we so commonly hear about!

His reply behavior was started by leaving the marriage in his mind, becoming non-commmunicative, resentful and sometimes vindictive.

I realize now that he was setting himself up to justify his PA.  He had already began an EA with a needy MOW.  He really had abandoned me and the kids on many levels way back in  2008.  Covert depression makes so much sense to me now.

I think it would be helpful to know low energy MLC exists.  If our MC wouldn't have been so sure that husband was in MLC, I may have never found this site, done the research and got to the place I'm at today! 

[Synicca]

I think my H is a Low Energy MLCer...( I think)

but, would one move out for 6 months?? Thats where I kinda get confused, even though he has never really been
high energy, very little spew. even a week after BD, he was telling me he still loved me and didnt know what he
wanted....hmmmmm

He has always stayed in contact with me, been around family and friends..stayed pretty much connected with our
D after about 3 months. (first 3 months he was a whacko)

[NewBeginnings]

Gallagher ~ My H like yours left me and our S emotionally about 2 years ago.  He had acted depressed for 3 years before BD in Feb..
His affair started last summer.  I never picked up on anything because he acted depressed, quiet and tired for the last 3 years.  But after BD he was full of energy for the first couple of months.   I would have thought that being he was having this affair, I really thought he would act happy or different but he didn't.  He acted the same as always.  I didn't find out about OW until 2 months after BD.     Three months after BD I told him I knew everything, that he was having an affair, living with OW since Dec. ect..  Since then he is back to acting normal at least when we see him which isnt often.   I think their relationship changed like the articles say, once the affair is made public, the entire dynamics of their relationship change.  He still seems to have more energy than prior to BD but it's not like he is on a high anymore if that makes sense.  He also used to go to bed early which he doesn't do that anymore either.  I guess he is trying to stay up with his OW who is 20 years younger. 

[ladybird]

This is an interesting thread and I'm wondering if someone can help classify my H's MLC because he seems to be all over the map and I am confused by his behavior as it doesn't fit in with others on this site.

H is a workaholic, yet he does nothing around the house and hardly does anything or goes anywhere with his S.  H doesn't live here but promises to come by and fix things to get the house ready to sell but week after week goes by and he doesn't do anything around here.  Also, in the 4.5 months since he has been gone, H rarely sees our S on his days off.  He sees his S after work for a few hours when it's convenient for him.  Otherwise he makes very little effort to go out of his way for our S.   H seems to be high energy and low energy at the same time. 

H is a boomerang yet he is not clinging and wants nothing to do with me.  He swears he doesn't love me, probably never loved me and will never love me in the future.  If anything, it seems that my H hates me.  He has denied this but did tell me he dislikes me a few times, only to tell me later that he does like me.  Now I don't trust or believe anything he says and I tend to believe he really does dislike me.

H is angry a lot of the time and in and out of Monster Mode to the point that a couple of my friends think he is bi-polar with his mood swings.

I don't think I have seen any other MLCer on this board who is similar to my H with their behavior.  I know MLCers are all different in their own way, but with the other MLCers here on this board I see similarities-however there is no one here like my H!  Which is why I often feel confused and keep thinking he is not in MLC when I know that he is.

Edited to add that I just read the thread about Off and On and am wondering if my H is really an Off and On type not really a Boomerang because I honestly think he would be a Vanisher if not for our S.