[hawk]

l've heard horror stories of some of the things some women do going through menopause . l had to go and see a doc after bd , and when l told him she come into early menopause he was horrified she'd do the bd while in that state .

Mine came into it and deep deep depression 12mths before bd but she completely hid it from me.
That's the first thing l said when she did tell me and bd'd all in the same paragraph but she insisted no , that had nothing to do with her decision . Never know for real now l guess but sometimes l think maybe she was right these days and maybe it didn't after all .
There was so much going on with us through that time , the thought of her going through that on top of it , scary .

l'd say she is still going through it B but we don't touch on any personal stuff at all now so l don't know . The doc told me some can take 5 or 6yrs to get through it and the fact that she came into it so early , he wasn't sure how long it might take .

[Rookie13]

I'm with StillStanding, My ex, who was a big time clinger, absolutely drove me crazy. 100% kept me pinned with hope...for 4 years!!

We did a lot of stuff together..albeit with the kids, so much that I started to believe that the OM must be getting pissed! lol The last time I heard my ex though say I love you to me was at BD with her ILYBNILWY speech!  ..

Solo life is fine for me also, I went through the 'period' of being alone and 'what people must be thinking' stage. Now I don't care and from people I know and their R, I think some even envy me!  The world is 'hooked' on being a couple and for good reason as that is the way mother nature intended..My 'breeding years',  ...are over though, and mother nature no longer requires me to 'be in a relationship'..

ceecee2, I guess you could call the time me and my ex spent together as cake eating for her..I eventually saw it as 100% confusion though and never really thought she was taken advantage of me for her own manipulative reason's..sometimes she had tears in her eyes, like she was torn or she was trying to find where the feelings for me went. I saw a lot of MLC in her, could not be anything else.

[grace2713]

How do you reply, when they say they want to come home, but you know they're not yet ready?

[hawk]

Does yours grace ?

Earlier , l would have said if your sure why not , she can work through it at home .  But l don't know if l'd even want her home now but not because of that , but because l don't really like the person she seems to be these days much. Then again , maybe this new her is her working through , no clue .
But my biggest concern with mine would be which one do l get the old one or the new one .

[patience.of.a.saint]

Hawk, right now, she's like the one in the chrysalis. Before, she was a cute caterpillar...and when she comes out, perhaps she'll be a pretty butterfly....or a moth. Take your pick. Either way, she won't be the cute caterpillar or the chrysalis ever again.

[grace2713]

Nope, but it feels like the first time he went back home.  I don't want to make the same mistake I did back then, so I want to be prepared.

How do you not alienate them? Or should you?

[hawk]

l'd be real worried if there was a first time earlier .
Then ,l don't think they'll be happy , they're just getting desperate and confused and thinking this time , they  can make it work but a few mths in , whatever it was the first or second time , is still in there.

One guy l know , said they got back 5 times . He said to me early on , if you do get back and it doesn't work out the first time , do yourself a favor and kiss it goodbye then and there .

Wish l knew Grace . l chose not to with mine because l wanted it to be the best it could for my d and keeping things ok and working with w was the best way for that.
But lots of people went nc , it seems so hard but most of them say they're glad they did .
l do know if there were no kids involved  , l would have def' not seen anymore of w once l was convinced it was over .
But l think if l was hoping to R later on , l would try to cut them of in a way that they do still know ,this isn't what l wanted and l am still approachable if they wanna talk.

[Songanddance]

Nope, but it feels like the first time he went back home.  I don't want to make the same mistake I did back then, so I want to be prepared.

How do you not alienate them? Or should you?

You are right - he will not be ready.  What you could say is something like " I appreciate you want to come home but my priority is stability for our children. I do not think that you are ready to come home just yet and am not prepared to have the children's lives disrupted if you leave again. The current arrangement of seeing the children as often as you do is fine by me. However you have issues to deal with and it would not be fair to visit them upon our children. Therefore I do not think it wise for you to come home until you are genuinely ready to be a fully appropriate father and husband."

He might ask what that means. Sorry not been able to catch up on your thread but if there is an OW then she has to be gone and completely gone. He has to be open and honest and prepared to work on himself and the marriage.

Have a think.

[tiptoe69]

I also have a CB and he is my ex.  In order for me to detach I needed to move away it was so draining.  He agreed and we moved out of the country for a year.  At the beginning for the first 6 months I stayed strong with no contact but he would try and contact every couple of weeks.  When we went back for the holidays it was tough.  I tried to stay civil but he would always make approaches.  I just knew I was going back out of the country. Phew..needed to de-dramatize.

Now he is worse contacts me every week and sounds very depressed.  He also moved out of OW place during the holidays.  Not sure what that meant but still with OW and still contacts me often.  It is frustrating but I am glad I moved away it was much easier to detach.

[Roma]

I have a clinging boomerang who doesn't talk to me or live with me. He stays in constant contact through technology an a STRONG mental connection. My typing is monitored and he somehow spys on all of my phones by listening to all of my calls. His desire was to have two wives, make us all one big happy family of course without my connect.

It drives me batty! I do not subscribe to polygamy or him having two wives. I see it cheating/infidelity and would much rather any other MLC type so that I wouldn't have to bear witness to his infidelity or be dragged around in it!

I recently have been strong enough to block him everywhere and let him know I've separated from him in hopes he begin to work on his childhood issues and stop blaming me for his problems. It's been grand yet I wonder when he comes out of the tunnel will he realize what he's done and come back to me without that other woman and we can work on US alone? Time will tell, in the mean time, I give thanks to this site in teaching me to work on and focus myself.