[leemo2000]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q

[Hopeful Romantic]

i don't know if this link has been posted...a very powerful article that I personally wish I could send to every MLCer and OW, so that they could understand the damage they have done (not that either one will really care, but still...)

Warning: It may be a triggery for some to read and maybe relive some of the feelings described here...

http://www.healingafteraffairs-bloomington.info/infidelity/trauma-of-infidelity.html 

[Songanddance]

That is an excellent article HR. Thanks

[calamity]

 Very good article.  I especially like the following--I am very sensitive to the 'blame the victim' idea.  First it was rape victims--it must be the behaviour, dress, morality etc.  then, cancer patients--if only you'd eaten better or lived better or....it's the 'insurance' thing people have. "My spouse won't be unfaithful because, I am a good spouse, person, worked harder, tried harder, etc etc."  No.  We did nothing to cause this.

In other words, societal understandings of infidelity are to interpret the betrayed as deserving of betrayal because of some act, character flaw, behavior (or lack there of), that made the wayward spouses actions understandable in committing adultery. This 'Just World' view also allows a betrayed spouse to begin blaming themselves for the infidelity. The self-blame calms their anxiety over their own vulnerability to victimization. The fact that our culture has turned "victim" into a dirty word, only compounds the unfairness and trauma of infidelity. The "don't be a victim" movement that has swept through our nation has turned being a "victim" into something shameful. Not having control over what happens to you, has been summarized by society as willfully allowing it to happen, because you did nothing to prevent it.

Read more at: http://www.healingafteraffairs-bloomington.info/infidelity/trauma-of-infidelity.html
Copyright © www.healingafteraffiars-bloomington.info

 

[Searching4Answers]

I really found this helpful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ge0bPiahtmU&feature=youtu.be

It is about how to set boundaries with a narcissist - I think it applies to setting boundaries with anyone and she does it from a place of compassion.

[Medusa]

I just ran across a good article about depression in men. It's not really anything new but includes a great, concise list of symptoms including anger, the need for control, and escape and avoid.

http://depression.newlifeoutlook.com/depression-men/

[kikki]

Denying your situation is living a lie that furthers your depression.  If you cannot gain acceptance, your life will worsen with your symptoms.

I think that sums it up in a nutshell.

[Ready2Transform]

Denying your situation is living a lie that furthers your depression.  If you cannot gain acceptance, your life will worsen with your symptoms.

I think that sums it up in a nutshell.

Amen!

[Anjae]

Denying your situation is living a lie that furthers your depression.  If you cannot gain acceptance, your life will worsen with your symptoms.

I think that sums it up in a nutshell.

It does.

For those interested we have a thread with articles, etc, about depression in Men: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2541.0  - Depression - Depression on Men, Articles, Links to 

[forthetrees]

Read an article today in medicalnewstoday.com about a woman whose h had parkinson´s disease. She could SMELL parkinsons on him and 11 others, one of whom was not yet officially diagnosed, but 8 months later was dx´d. I know we´ve mentioned the MLCers having an odd smell- who knows, maybe we were  onto something. The smell of parkinson´s was musky. They gave her tshirts that had been worn for one day and she could sort the sick from the ill by smell alone. There´s the proof that a brain disorder can change one´s odor.