[gimlan]

I can relate to what RTR said!

Would never tolerate mistreatment again, absolutely better at detaching or saying bye. But at the same time, things don't get under my skin like they used to. Responding not reacting has lowered my own personal drama, so in some cases, it may appear that I can tolerate more, but in reality it's all just not bothering me as much.

LBS benefits? I'll take 'em any way I can get 'em!"

MUCH better at responding rather than reacting - best part for me! I've become so much better at dealing with issues at work: If someone is acting unfairly to me or someone else, better at (calmly but firmly) speaking up, with smaller issues to choose my battles. Better at knowing which problems I own, and better at not letting things "get to me".

Also, more patient with S, bot stronger but clearer boundaries and expectations. Before I was often more inauthentic with my patience in a way, being "patient" but penting up frustrations and then getting really angry. Also related to stress in the time leading up to BD though, I think.

Gx

[CallanG]

I think I have become better at saying to people that I am not happy to be treated badly , I think before I had counselling I would tend to not say anything and then be resentful (which is just what H did at BD) . Now I am more confident at saying "please do not treat me like this" or "please do not project your issues onto me " .

Callan

[bookwrmmom]

I am much calmer when dealing with these things, but also less tolerant of the BS. Life is too darn short to deal with constant drama. Life is too short to only look at the bad in every situation. I am a "glass 1/2 full" girl and always have been. Yes it took me a while to recover from MLC, but even through the worst part of it I knew I wanted to be happy again.
I do not react to drama as much these days.....that is a good thing.

[in it]

I still haven't perfected the "respond not react thing"
I guess after so many years of dealing with this type personality (constant crisis chaos , drama, inconsideration etc) has left me needing to deal with a situation sooner than later.

Too many years of fixing it( or trying to) for others is exhausting.I just fix it for me ASAP.

In RL some of the reaction might appear severe to others? Like going NC.Or it might be a rant.But I have to do what needs to be done to protect me.

This whole thing has left me with not half empty or a half full glass. I'm just grateful to have a glass and there's something in it.

I have become better at not taking things personally.But I am not as accepting of peoples lack of effort and or behavior towsrds me as I used to be.

[OverlyAttatchedWifey]

Just went home to see my family for the holidays and I was blown away by the amount of disrespect, sneaking around, and lack of boundaries my family seems to have. It has been years since I spent any decent time with them, and I'm amazed at how much awful behavior was considered a tolerable daily thing.

I got frustrated though, and stuck my nose in between a couple arguments. One situation I think improved, and the other I probably should have just kept my mouth shut on. Detatch, detatch! Lol

[Lanzo]

I am more easily able to identify toxic people in my life.

I've come a long way since first coming to these boards in 2013. (I just read along now).

The above quote sums up where I am.

I've had to go NC on one of my nieces who although she was part of my initial support system, I could see she was revelling in my misery and trying to manipulate me in a way that  xW did.

Once I realised this, "Boom !!" you're gone.

Funny thing is she's made a few "Touch n Go"  attempts to get in contact with me, but to be honest I'm not interested.

Same goes for a few idiots at work who I can now see them for what they really are.

Lanzo

[UrsaMajor]

Completely. Funny, I used to have good boundaries, but with all the gaslighting lost myself over the past four years as the MLC ramped up. (man, but it's funny to see it all in hindsight-I wouldn't even invite anyone over during that time and couldn't figure out why.)

Now I simply address whatever it is. If I feel slimed, I've been slimed. I don't bother to try to second guess what the intention is, I ask if they meant X. It gives someone the opportunity to correct what they said if they didn't realize it came out wrong, and puts a spotlight on someone who was trying to zing something at you.

WOW! Offroad, you just wrote, nearly word for word, what I was about to answer....

Yes, and in fact, that is one of the things that my MLC W complains about is that I am "too strict / too conservative" because I DON'T allow people (even my own kids) to be disrespectful... Now, don't get me wrong, I am NOT a "Sir/Ma'am" kind of person at all but, if I ask a question, I expect an answer. I listen to them until they are done and I expect the same (not to be interrupted). I expect to be able to talk to other people without being interrupted by my kids (OK, if there's blood involved, someone is about to die or the house is on fire, that's different) but simple respect for others is my motto..... The REAL Golden Rule : Love your neighbors as yourself. 

If I don't want it done to me, I don't do it to others... OK, I am not by any means perfect but that is my guiding motto....

And I am "too strict" or "too conservative" because of it.... 

[UrsaMajor]

I am sick of narccists too..
They play the victim so often they ought to carry around their own body chalk.

 

My MLC W's father was one of those... MLC/Narcissist/Psychopath....

And it was always the "evil women" that were out to get him... XW1, XW2, XGF1-<x>  they were all bad people and it was never his fault....

The apple doesn't far from the tree

[Airmid]

I am not sure I would consider myself "less tolerant" .
I would say I now respect and value myself more.

The Pre-BD Airmid put everyone else's needs and desires first.
I was like Cinderella - and everyone else got to go to the ball.

I accept now that people come in all different flavors.
Some of those flavors I don't want or need.
If I see a lot of projection - a lot of blame coming my way - I just extract myself.

I have no idea how I might react to H is he ever crossed my doorway - but I do know I no longer chase people to secure a relationship with them.
Case in point is my friend Sandpiper.
He got some bee in his bonnet about my not letting him take two weeks at my beach house for free so that he could entertain his friends.  Now I don't hear at all from him.
I reached out to him at Thanksgiving - and then again at Christmas - I have not heard from him since and I don't plan to reach out again.

I am not sure if I would say I am less tolerant.
I simply am no longer willing to put my head on the chopping block in order to have a friendship/relationship etc.

[Bailmor]

What does it say about society today that there are expectations on everything!  Expecting to be rewarded for something that living a good, nontoxic life, doing for other as you want done to you (Golden Rule, UrsaMajor! is a chore and not an honor.  Society has unfortunately gotten away from this and everything now is about the ME, ME, ME mentality.  Something doesn't work, throw it away and get new.  What ever happened to fixing things (and I am not talking strictly here about relationships).  So sad that this is what the world has come to.  But there are many that are good, kind individuals out there and I intend to associate with those people moving forward who value the finer things in life!