[bookwrmmom]

I am wondering if those of you that have been traveling this road for a while find yourself less tolerant of being treated with disrespect? Not just with the MLCer but with family members as well. Do you tell people faster these days that they have over-stepped your boundaries?
I had an ah-ha moment Friday on my way home from work. This was after yet another disagreement with my mother. I have realized that I have allowed many people in my life (MLCer, ex-FIL, my mother, her a-hole husband, and probably a few others) to bully me. I have also found that I am so much quicker now to put my foot down on that behavior.
I have decided that as much as I love my mother, I am done with toxic relationships. So this means for a while I must love her from afar. She has turned into an angry and bitter woman that I no longer know. She has become very bitter and angry since she became a full-time caregiver of my disabled sister, and also the repeated affairs that her POS husband has had. The affairs started before my sister became disabled, and this was the beginning of her unhappiness.
Truthfully though looking back, I allowed them to over-step boundaries for a long time. I am DONE, done with all the BS. This is yet another difficult choice, but I do not know what else to do.
So friends, do you find yourself less willing to put up with toxic BS?

[lawprofessor]

I am more easily able to identify toxic people in my life.  I am better able to lay down and maintain healthy boundaries.   I am no longer willing to suck it up and just deal until I get angry enough to explode. 

I had quite the blow out with my mother done time ago.  I told her I was done with her and her controlling nasty behavior, that I would not play that game with her ever again.  She wrote me the typical guilt filled letter days later but I simply did not respond.  Then she adjusted her behavior still with no admittance of guilt but she is clear on the fact that I am done with the nonsense so she is careful around me.  That's fine with me.  I long ago came to the conclusion that she is what she is, a narcissist.  Now I'm just not willing to play the game.   She can act like she has some sense or I will erase her from my life.   Period. 

I think for many of us, peace was hard fought.  When we achieve it we will protect it energetically.  That is my focus.  I'm done on the crazy train.  That's in all aspects of my life.  Done is done. 

[in it]

Much less tolerant.

Went NC with a toxic mother again.

Had an Aunt I couldn't deal with her inconsideration..Went Nc with her.She called me the other day.I'm making it very clear with her what I will not tolerate. And lets see if the relationship gets healthier.

I may have to give her son a piece of my mind to over an ignorant comment he made.

I had some trouble at work with some personal things said to me by a supervisor. .I went straight to the manager.Not a peep out of her since.

We may have gotten more sensitive to these things now? I don't see that as a bad thing.

[Searching4Answers]

I am less tolerant because I can see it better now. It used to be that I saw it eventually, after being stepped on so badly that the only choice was to leave the situation.

Now I see it quicker and I realize that I have zero responsibility for it - before I would continue to try to make it better/fix it. Not anymore! I distance myself when necessary and address it when needed.

I have learned that my actions can influence the situation so I act accordingly. If that doesn't work then I will stand up for myself. I used to wait until the disrespect got so bad that I lost my power to put up boundaries.

It also helps that I have healthier role models around me now too - seeing boundaries enforced in a healthy way has been empowering for me.

[Passiflora]

I'm getting there.    I'm not yet fully where I want to be, with healthy boundaries, but a long long way from how I was before BD. Was surpriced over my oldest son who said, when I was complaining about XH brothers who bought into XH BS. He said "Mum, you can decide if you want to talk or be with them, you don't have to, it's up to you! That has been on my mind since he said it. He also said, mum you told us, what was going on and how it will play out (I showed them MLC for dummies) then you get upset when things turn out the way you predicted. Don't be! He's a clever boy!

NC with XH, NC with his 2 brother and the one SIL that is married to one brother (she reaches out to me through FB, really strange, not one phone call, but she lurks on my FB and the other SIL FB a lot)

[OffRoad]

Completely. Funny, I used to have good boundaries, but with all the gaslighting lost myself over the past four years as the MLC ramped up. (man, but it's funny to see it all in hindsight-I wouldn't even invite anyone over during that time and couldn't figure out why.)

Now I simply address whatever it is. If I feel slimed, I've been slimed. I don't bother to try to second guess what the intention is, I ask if they meant X. It gives someone the opportunity to correct what they said if they didn't realize it came out wrong, and puts a spotlight on someone who was trying to zing something at you.

[Ready2Transform]

Would never tolerate mistreatment again, absolutely better at detaching or saying bye. But at the same time, things don't get under my skin like they used to. Responding not reacting has lowered my own personal drama, so in some cases, it may appear that I can tolerate more, but in reality it's all just not bothering me as much.

LBS benefits? I'll take 'em any way I can get 'em!

[bookwrmmom]

Thanks so much for all the responses. My mother Has gone the way of the MLCer as far as being the "victim". Everything is everyone else's fault. She forgot that she had choices. She chose to bring home my sister (her oldest child) at 61 years old (she is now almost 65) and care 24/7 for a quadriplegic. She is angry and resentful, and frankly just a real b!tch. She chose to continue to put up with a serial cheater and drunk for the past 23 1/2 years. Now granted she didn't know he was a cheater until about the past 7 years or so, but she has known since long before marrying him that he is a drunk.
I read an article earlier called "The 7 deadly emotions of caregiving" and she fits most of them. She expects my 19 year old child and I to help take up the slack for my sisters adult children.......who literally can be barely bothered to call their mom. She went behind my back and hired my daughter full time as soon as she turned 18 as an aide for my sis KNOWING I had already said I didn't want her to do it. My daughter is now in a position that she needs a full time job, and is afraid to quit because she is afraid they will hate her. The environment is toxic, and miserable. Anyway I am bowing out, she accused me of doing nothing to help her (anyone who knows me knows that couldn't be farther from the truth). Not being there for her when she needs me.
When you talk to her it is all about me, me, me, me, me. How everyone is mistreating me (her). I will add that she now has help from 8am-10pm 5 days a week, and 8 hours a day on the weekends. She rarely has to do a thing during the week for my sister except giver her her 6am meds. My sis rarely wakes up in the middle of the night anymore, and my mother sleeps her life away (depression). She is having real heart problems now, and I am concerned for her health. However she refuses to make the changes she needs due to the money she receives for taking care of my sister. Yes it is about the money-she loves my sister but usually they cannot stand each other-been that way for years and years. It is a real mess, and this is the 2nd time in the past 5 months that she has gotten pi$$ed me for no good reason. The first time was because I wouldn't leave my boyfriend alone on the SAME DAY of his mom's funeral to come sit with my sister.......for her to go to a dove hunt/cookout.........really? Live him alone literally right after the funeral for her to go play. Sorry, that wasn't gonna happen. So she didn't speak to me for a month.
Anyway it is a mess, and I am sick to death of narcissists.

[in it]

I am sick of narccists too..
They play the victim so often they ought to carry around their own body chalk.

[bipolared]

I am sick of narccists too..
They play the victim so often they ought to carry around their own body chalk.

LOL, in it!  I'll have to remember that line the next time H starts blaming me.