[MyBrainIsBroken]

Thanks for joining SierraStar. I forgot to mention on your thread how much I like your name. I have a very good friend whose RL first name is Sierra. Another young girl from the ambulance squad.

Here's something odd. I was out for a run yesterday afternoon and I passed a friend of mine from church who was walking with her 19yo daughter and a couple of their friends. When I stopped at D32's house after my run she told me our friend had written to her to tell her that they had seen me running and her daughter said that I was such a nice little man that she wanted to take me home with her.

This girl might be 5'2" tall with her hair up and I'm 5'11" tall and while I only weigh around 150 lbs. it's mostly muscle so I don't understand the "nice little man" comment. Still, I'm not inclined to complain when a member of the opposite sex indicates in interest in taking me home. 

[Reallytrying]

Lol. So interesting that she would refer to you as a nice "little" man.

[Chookie]

What a strange comment for her to have made, MB! 

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Yeah, I only wrote about it to illustrate how weird my life is these days.

I enjoyed myself at the racetrack. The track is a road racing course, not a circle track like Nascar, so there were lots of switchbacks and S-curves and uphills and downhills and accelerating and braking. With all of the corners and other cars to pay attention to I didn't have much time to look at the speedometer but one time when I glanced down I was going 80 mph (130 kph). I managed to get the tires squealing a bit going around the corners. What an adrenaline rush! If I could do that a couple of times a day I could quit taking AD pills.

Today should have been a good day. I picked up GD14 tonight and took her with me to the fire hall for training night but I misread the calendar and there wasn't anything going on tonight so I took her out for pizza and ice cream. It was the first time we've gone anywhere together in a long time so it was nice but at the end of the day it just feels like a grey day and soon I'll go to bed so I can get up tomorrow and go through another grey day.

Tomorrow is my oldest daughter and youngest grandchild's birthday. They were born on the same day at the same time 28 years apart. The time of birth recorded on both birth certificates is exactly the same, 5:38am. I was really excited about driving my wife to the hospital for the birth of our first baby but I was out of town that day on business and when I got home she was already at the hospital in the delivery room. When I went in to see her she told me to get out, she wanted her mother, so I spent the night in the waiting room with a friend smoking cigars. My wife was less than 3 months past her 18th birthday.

Her second pregnancy I was in the Air Force and we were living in Biloxi, MS 1200 miles from home. She was 3 or 4 months pregnant when the baby spontaneously aborted on Halloween evening. Her sister came down and accompanied her back home so she could be with her mother. She was 3 months short of her 20th birthday.

The third time was another success. I was still in the Air Force and we were living 1300 miles from home in Grand Forks, ND. Her mother was a long way away so I was allowed into the delivery room but I almost missed it. When we arrived at the hospital they took her into the delivery room and took me into another room to put on a surgical gown and mask. The baby came so quickly that they came in before I had gotten ready and told me to hurry or I was going to miss it. My wife was just 21 years old and she had her tubes tied before she left the hospital so she wouldn't have to ever go through childbirth again.

We were present and my wife was in the delivery room for the births of four of our five grandchildren. We spent two weeks living at D35's house waiting for her first daughter to be born. We were able to do that because we were both on summer break but it was fall and we were back to work when her second daughter was due and D35 waited too long before she called to let us know the baby was coming. We live 90 minutes away and we arrived about 60 minutes after the baby was born. That was the only one whose birth we missed.

I wonder what my wife is doing tonight. I wonder if she's sitting there with the OM reminiscing about all of the good times they've enjoyed together and with our family over the last 38 years. I wonder if she's thinking about me staying up all night long in the waiting room 36 years ago waiting and worrying about her and the baby. I wonder if she's thinking about all of the birthdays we celebrated with that little girl. I wonder if she remembers that we were supposed to be together until death parted us. Neither of us is dead so I don't understand why we're not together tonight. Sometimes it feels like I've died but I know that I haven't really.

I'm not feeling well tonight. I think I'm coming down with something. I'm going to go to bed early but I have to stay up for at least another 8 minutes so I can wish D35/36 a happy birthday. I think I'll treat myself to an extra large dish of ice cream tonight. I'll run it off at the half marathon on Sunday.

[Onward]

Those are all such good memories, MB.
Hold onto them as good memories.
As hard as it is, I hope that you won't let the darker parts of what is today colour the bright days in your past, or the brighter ones ahead for you.

[LaughLoveLive]

They are still happy memories andit's right to acknowledge then and reminisce.

Thank you for sharing the stories of your children's births. Your wife was very young and far from home. I imagine it may have been traumatic for her, and that stays with you even if you love being a mum after the fact. I think she probably has a lot to work through and so your gift to her is to give her the time and space to do that, all while continuing to love her and honour the memories of your life together.

[SierraStar]

How are you today Brain?
Did the sadness settle down a little bit for you?
I don't know about you, but the times when I feel that way, I let the feelings flow over me, I stopped fighting them because when I did, it made me feel 10X worse.
After all, it is what it is, we are absolutely going to have those times when we're sad & instead of doing XYZ to "get over it", embrace it as part of the process...just promise you won't stay in the sad for too long.
We're all here for you to lift you up when it feels like you can't do it by yourself.

BTW, I chose my name years ago, it's due to my love for the Sierras in CA.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.

Evanescence "Lithium"

Thanks for checking on me Sierra. I've heard the Sierras are beautiful. We drove over the Donner Pass traveling from Sacramento to Reno but that's all I've seen of the Sierras.

My wife and I go back to court on June 16th. My lawyer told me the court is going to want us to reach a settlement then so I'm 56 days away from D-Day. I'm running the Buffalo Marathon on May 29th so I'll have 17 days between the marathon and D-Day. After the marathon I'm supposed to take it easy for a while to give my body a chance to recover. I'll be on summer break so I'm thinking about going on a road trip with the Mustang.

There are only 3 states in the continental 48 that I haven't set foot in; Iowa, New Mexico, and Arizona, so I think I should visit them. I could drive through Iowa on my way west. Maybe I could stop at the American Pickers store. We visited their Nashville store in December 2013 on the last road trip I ever took with my wife.

Next I could stop in Denver and visit a friend who lives there and then drive south to Santa Fe. Quite a few of the world's best distance runners train in the Santa Fe area because of the high altitude. I've never been to the Grand Canyon so that would be a logical place to go after Santa Fe.

I'd like to see the fountains at the Bellagio so the next stop would have to be Vegas and then on into the Sierras. It would be great if I could make it Yosemite and see the locations where Ansel Adams made so many great photos. From there I would like to head over to Monterey and drive down the Pacific Coast. I drove the northern Pacific coast from Oregon down to San Francisco when my wife and I drove cross country back in 2012 or 2013.

Next, for a long time I've wanted to see the 19th century London Bridge which is no longer in London. Now it's located in Lake Havasu City in Arizona. From there I could head for El Paso. I've never been to Mexico so I think a quick trip across the border would be merited.

My next destination would be San Antonio, TX. We spent a wonderful summer there in 1981 and I'd like to go back and see the River Walk. Then it would be time to head north to Memphis and Graceland. While there maybe I could locate someone and throw her into the Mississippi River for StrongCurrent. Then I could travel east to Dollywood in Pigeon Forge, north to Pittsburgh to see my brother and from there it would be just a short trip home. 6,981 miles. Two oil changes. I'll have to hope the price of gas stays low.

That's the vision. Next step is to start the detailed planning to see if it will work.

[terrified_in_TN]

Awesome.  Sounds like a wonderful plan.  While at the grand canyon, if its not too far out of your way, head up to four points.  Not too terribly interesting, but its kind of neat to see a single spot where you stand in four states simultaneously.

If you stop by Memphis, we might can get together for a bit.  I work there.  Never been to Graceland though.

Now you talk of Pigeon Forge...hell, I might jump in the Stang with you and NEVER GO BACK to Memphis! LOL  The Great Smokey Mountains are the one place on this entire earth I have ALWAYS wanted to live.  Yes, at some point we all have dreams of "running away" from our lives (even us LBSers), but that has always been a lifelong dream of mine.

I've said it before a long time ago in the last "meetup" thread, but if you make it out that way you ABSOLUTELY have to go to Cades Cove.  Absolutely my favorite spot on this entire rock.

-T

[Mitzpah]

Hey MBIB,

I love your plan!! I guess I have to plan some road trips too - except I don't have the wheels to do it

Who knows? I might just win the lottery 

I love driving, too