Hawk, I can't imagine why they wouldn't miss you.
The last couple of days have been good ones. I've been attending an EMS conference on pediatric emergencies and I've learned a lot about working with sick or injured kids. Kids are scary because they're bodies are very good at compensating when there's something wrong so if you're not watching the signs very closely it will appear like they're doing a good job of holding their own, then suddenly their bodies can no longer compensate and they'll quickly crash and you'll be doing CPR on a kid who's gone into respiratory and then cardiac arrest. During the past two days we learned what to watch for and how to treat it.
It was also nice because I was able to spend two days with a half dozen people from the ambulance crew. It's sad to say but they're the closest friends I have. It was also nice because, even though we all kind of stayed together, we also split into pairs and my favorite from the squad paired up with me. It was nice that she felt comfortable enough with me that she chose to hang with me. It's also surprising since she's almost 40 years younger than me.
There's nothing weird or inappropriate about it. Its just a friendship. I talk to both her and her fiance at church and I think they're a great couple. But she's smart and funny and conscientious and she's a great EMT and she gets my sense of humor which makes her a little bit weird. And she's a runner. Anyway, all I'm saying is that it was nice being able to spend some time with somebody who isn't family who seemed to enjoy my company.
Court last Wednesday was bizarre. I got off the elevator and took a seat in a narrow hallway 3 seats away from my wife. She was looking down at her phone while I was taking a seat. After a couple of minutes she looked up and said "Oh, hi." This was kind of strange because I'm pretty sure she knew I was there. She's very observant and rarely misses anything. After a while a clerk came out and asked if our lawyers were there. After we said they weren't and she had left, my wife mentioned it was pretty good that we were there but our lawyers weren't. I mention this because this was the only conversation we had until my lawyer came in and took me off to the side for conference.
After we'd finished discussing what my position was going to be, he left to talk to my wife's lawyer. As he was leaving he told me that my wife was right there and I could go and talk with her if I wanted to. That was so different from my first lawyer who used to tell me not to talk to my wife and who wouldn't believe anything I told her and told me my wife was lying to me.
I thought about it and realized he was right, there was no reason why I shouldn't go and talk to my wife so I went back out, took a seat, and struck up a conversation with her. I started out with a fairly neutral topic and eventually I talked to her about the items our lawyers were negotiating as well as discussing some family stuff with her. It was bizarre because we had a nice conversation and several times one of us would say something that caused both of us to burst out laughing. Meanwhile, our lawyers were in a room nearby negotiating the terms of our divorce.I'll list some of the highlights from our conversation. It was pretty interesting but it continues to leave me confused.
I asked her if the payments I was sending to her were okay, did she have enough money? She responded that she has plenty of money.
I told her that I still didn't know whether I'd be keeping the house or not. She responded by saying "There must be something we can do so that WE (my emphasis) can keep the house."
I told her that nobody comes over to the house anymore. That it's just me there all by myself, all of the time. She said that summer's coming so pretty soon the kids will be coming over all of the time to use the swimming pool.
Our camper has some water damage due to a manufacturing defect (long story) and I told her I didn't know how to sell the camper because I didn't think anyone would want to buy it with the water damage so I'd have to try to wholesale it to a dealer and we'd probably get next to nothing for it. She asked me why I was planning on selling it, why didn't I keep it? I just looked at her, then I told her I don't have a truck to move it with, she has the truck. Then she told me that I can take the truck any time I need it to move the camper. I didn't mention to her that the other issue is that I have to pay her for her half of the camper if I want to keep it and money is kind of tight.
She isn't happy with her job. I asked her how she likes her new job and she was quite bitter. She's really upset with her boss who she says doesn't like her. She used to get along with everyone and everyone loved her so this seemed pretty strange.
She still seems to be depressed. Anger and resentment seemed to be just below the surface and made an appearance a couple of times but it wasn't directed at me. It was directed at others who she was not happy with.
She seems fixated on letting me know that she's not on FB anymore. She asked when my next race is and I told her next Sunday in the city where D35 lives. She asked me if I have let D35 know and I said not directly but I've posted it on FB. Her response was to tell me she's not on FB anymore because she can't handle all of the drama.
I discussed the household items with her and told her that she could have what she wanted form the house; that I wouldn't stand in her way. I mentioned several things I thought she might want and she told me that she didn't want any of them.
I'm sure there's more but that's probably the major points. Eventually my lawyer returned and we left to discuss what had happened with my wife's lawyer. He told me we had another court date on June 16 and the courts will expect us to reach an agreement then. I hate New York's courts. I don't know why they're in such a hurry to see us divorced.
Don't beat me up for this but I felt disloyal while I was telling my lawyer what we had talked about. And I had mentioned to my lawyer that I thought it was only fair that we split my wife's retirement plan if we're going to split mine but I feel badly about having him bring that up.
The impression I've gotten is that she wants everything to stay the same except without her and I can't help but wonder why.
Catching Up, Still Confused
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