[Absolutely Fabulous]

If you feel the need to discuss this further, then feel free to PM me. This thread is not the place for things to get personal.

[Velika]

I'm finding this discussion really curious -- I don't think that M3G asked opinion of "Clocking MLCer Over the Head Early, What Were Your Results?" I think she is posing a very benign question  really. As others have pointed out, "no contact" is a boundary advocated by other sites.

I for one am very curious, because I did not have good results at all. This isn't due to anything other than not knowing what "mlc" really is and therefore not knowing what is going on or how to respond to. I think the most interesting threads on this site are speculative.

[Searching4Answers]

No, I got your point. It still doesn't change my position. You want conformity, you're not going to get it. Period. I will repeat, if you don't like the the tread, don't read it.

I do not want conformity in any way, shape or form.

We are speaking about our thoughts and issues. Guess what? They don't align with RC. You have made that choice not everyone else has. So speak for yourself. That's what I'm doing. There are just a few other people on this thread that agree with me. You obviously feel threatened by this.

Really? Threatened?

I don't disagree with your opinions - I think that your points would be taken better if they didn't feel so defensive.

And this is the last I'm going to say on it, because this is another distraction from the topic. And I will not waste anymore of my time arguing about something that doesn't pertain to this discussion. I also won't be bullied into submission either.

Wow - I don't even know what to say that! No one wants to change you or your opinions. I welcome a different way of looking at things.

Have a wonderful day.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend :-)

On a side note: If anyone else sees what My3girls did in my posts please PM me and provide me feedback. I am rather confused as to how I came across as so negative and would like to reflect on that to figure out a better way to express myself. Thanks!

[Ready2Transform]

I'm finding this discussion really curious -- I don't think that M3G asked opinion of "Clocking MLCer Over the Head Early, What Were Your Results?" I think she is posing a very benign question  really. As others have pointed out, "no contact" is a boundary advocated by other sites.

I for one am very curious, because I did not have good results at all. This isn't due to anything other than not knowing what "mlc" really is and therefore not knowing what is going on or how to respond to. I think the most interesting threads on this site are speculative.

I agree. I don't think anyone here is trying to "cure" MLC. Life strategy and healing also involves coping mechanisms with the MLCer that might involve NC. It's interesting to see if that resulted in any particular changes. Comparing that can lead to more insights, which can ultimately give an LBS either comfort or closure (or both!).

And I'd argue that every thread that is not exclusively the journaling of the LBS is speculative. Absolutely none of us are inside the MLCers heads and can only draw conclusions based on our perceptions, which are greatly affected by our own experience, pain, and desires for the future. That even includes if we've had our own MLC because each situation is so unique.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Well, I see I hit a nerve. For everyone else who would like to continue the discussion at hand, and to dismiss the hijacking attempt, let's continue.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

For clarification purposes the topic is: No contact early on, what were your results? Does anyone else have a story about their experiences with this particular discussion? Your results? Good, bad, or indifferent?

[Reallytrying]

I just want to point out the your original question was "who went no contact early on and who didn't, what were your results?"  I don't think anyone posing their experiences that did not involve no contact were attempting to hijack your post. I now understand that your question meant no contact earlier vs later but that's not how I read it at first. 

[Velika]

My neighbor is a therapist and her husband did this to her. He ran off with a much, much younger woman -- right after my neighbor had suffered a serious medical problem.

She tackled it by remaining fairly calm, letting him go, and maintaining low contact. (Although she suffered a lot!) She told me she would correct things but it sounds like she did not overly engage. They maintained some contact but he was far away.

He almost filed for divorce but then ended up returning after six months. She said it took an additional year of "working it out" before things were back on track, and that he was much happier and more settled in the marriage now.

He himself told me he knew what he was doing was irrational, but he felt compelled to do it. He told me though that once he realized his wife truly no longer cared -- it scared him.

However, my neighbor said her husband was much more lucid and less volatile than mine. He was reading Jung, in therapy, and more self-aware.

I wonder sometimes if discussions on this site become polarized because MLC can be so varied as to almost be a spectrum disorder. To this point, I would actually think a great benefit to this site would be to rank MLCers like hurricanes. Some have low durations, surges, and damage whereas others are the opposite.

[calamity]

Could we please be respectful?  If we reply to a point, and there's nothing wrong with heated debate, try to omit names.  For every opinion expressed on the forum there will be many reading who agree or disagree.  No need to focus on a few posters & none of us are experts.

'No contact' is for you, the lbs--read RCR's articles & blogs on the subject.  I had lots of contact with my x, then less & then I pretty much avoided contact because it wasn't healthy for me.  I think he would have vanished anyway, sooner or later.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Could we please be respectful?  If we reply to a point, and there's nothing wrong with heated debate, try to omit names.  For every opinion expressed on the forum there will be many reading who agree or disagree.  No need to focus on a few posters & none of us are experts.

'No contact' is for you, the lbs--read RCR's articles & blogs on the subject.  I had lots of contact with my x, then less & then I pretty much avoided contact because it wasn't healthy for me.  I think he would have vanished anyway, sooner or later.

Let's let Calamity have the last word on this, and finally move on.