[Thundarr]

Okay, here goes.  Those who know me are well aware that I would prefer asking forgiveness over asking permission so I'm starting this thread for all those here who would like the discuss the pitfalls of the dating world for those of us who have not been out in it since the 80's or early 90's.  It's definitely a different world out there and the age-old ways of meeting a new mate have fallen by the wayside in favor of online, distance and speed dating.  Some of the things we can discuss here are funny experiences in dating, advice from the opposite sex on what works and doesn't work on dating site profiles, advice on starting and carrying on conversations with the opposite sex and potential red flags to look for in dating partners among many other things.  I have a feeling this thread will take on a life of its own and could potentially be one of if not the most active one on HS. 

Okay, GO!!!!!!

[Thundarr]

I'll start out.  I'm finding dating sites to be an incredible social experiment in what garners profile views and what does not.  Over the weekend I experimented by making a rock climbing pic my profile pic and instantly had more people view my profile than any time before.  My response rate from initial messages also went way up and I even received two phone numbers overnight when I had brief discussions with posters when I got up for the restroom on two different occasions.  I'm not expecting either to turn into anything as one is too far away and the other may not have much in common with me, but one texted me a good morning message and I'm getting ready to contact the other.  Both are widows and I know one of the H's died of natural causes, so neither will understand my experience of having the mother of my kids abandon us but I in turn will not know what their journey is like.  Pretty exciting, honestly.

So, a question for the ladies here.  What kind of opening message is preferable?  I know you shouldn't just say, "Hi" or "Hello there" but how much is the right amount and how much is too much?  Can you give examples of messages that have caught your eye?  And what about profile pics?  Thoughts?

[Airmid]

Not sure how to advise you regarding dating apps - as they scare the heck out of me.
But I can advise against certain pick-up lines....


"Hey baby - you come here often?" 
geeze - I didnt think people really said that but they do.

"So what is your zodiac sign?"
Really?  how 1970s!

I would also steer clear on endearing terms with a complete stranger...

- Honey
- Babe
and
-Sugar

come to mind.

Offering to buy a lady a drink is still acceptable in my world.
Asking about what they do for a living also works in NYC where almost no one is a stay at home person.

Dicey but occassionally intersting topics include -
Presidential elections
Gun control
Drug enforcement laws.

I find these topics weed out the people rather quickly   

[Shocked]

I am months away from dating but I think most women want your tone to seem sincere yet a bit funny. Like with most things if you reap what you sow. If you want a nice woman act like a nice guy. I'll be interested in hearing tips on what men want to hear!

[nah]

My current boyfriend tapped me on the shoulder and just simply said " I think you're the prettiest girl in here".

It worked.

On dating sites he wrote " chubby is ok"

He was buried with responses. 

I think so many people have unrealistic expectations on those sites. Keep it simple, it's only dating. No marriage proposals just yet.

[in it]

I know the "sign thing" sounds kind of teen age. In the research I've done ( and dealt with a flesh and blood person that's dead on in description) there is one sign for sure ( maybe two) I would not date.

I'm still thinking I may run into someone I find interesting in RL. It hasn't happened yet.

 The one guy I met walked right up to me sat down and said "Can I ask you something?" and I said "Go ahead" he said "Are you married?" I said "No. I am not" and then we had a conversation. Direct works for me.

I don't think I'll get into any online meeting sites. I probably wouldn't get married again.

[beyondblessed]

After a few strange "encounters" on a dating site, I was fortunate enough to meet my current bf, Big B.  I messaged him initially, simply telling him whathat a great smile he had...and it has been lighting up my days for 4 months now.

I knew early on in whatever was happening with my now xh, that I was not going to be treated any less than I deserved, so I honestly didn't waste much time even thinking about standing.  Finding  a real, honest and lasting partnership is my end goal, and so far, Big B has been a bright spot.  He calls me each evening, and texts me every morning....just to see how my day is going.  He is focused on me and my well being, and if the conversation goes toward him, it's because I steer it that way.  Completely different than the jerks who couldn't wait to divorce me and lied all the while firetrucking his boss.  To say I am happy where I am now would be an understatement.  Had my xh never shown his real self, I wouldn't be able to know what a real and true R is supposed to be.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Some of us haven't dated since the 70's. I'm reading along because I have an academic interest in the topic, I find it somewhat entertaining, and it truly does reaffirm my commitment to stand. Better the devil you know or something like that.

I'll be interested in hearing tips on what men want to hear!

I suspect for most guys "Hello" would be enough.

[bookwrmmom]

I cannot speak much about dating sites. I did join one a couple of months after BD out of anger. However at that time I was still grieving so badly. It got quite annoying because even though I put in my preferences it kept matching me up with the exact opposite of my preferences. So quite quickly I did away with online dating apps.
The first man that I had any interaction with was someone I have known for 22 years. He went through a very traumatic and difficult end to his marriage, so he could for sure relate. He was and is a great guy, but it just never went anywhere. We spent many hours having awesome conversations, and truly enjoyed each other's company. He is my stepdad's best friend so I honestly think the reason it never went further was because of that. Had we ever had problems it could have been difficult for a friendship that he has had most of his life. I get that, and respect it completely.
My current BF I met at my part time 2nd job working at a local gym. I had been working there for about 6 months, and never knew he was interested. Apparently he had been for a while, but he was just always his normal sweet self. I would talk, and have fun conversations with him just like any other gym members. Then all of a sudden one time we were talking and something just clicked, and I knew he was interested. It was nothing major, and I cannot even really put my finger on it. 
Anyway my best advice is to always be yourself. Just be YOU, and enjoy meeting new people without expectations.

[Thundarr]

Great responses, guys!  Now how about some more 1st message tips from the ladies.  Is it best to use their name in the first message if they have it in their profile?  Give some other examples of great opening messages, please.  Also, what about profile pics.  Selfies or full-body shots?  Activities such as playing guitar, rock climbing etc?  I recently changed my main pic to one of rock climbing and several who had ignored previous messages started replying or contacting me.  The pics weren't even of me but they weren't lies either as I had climbed at this place on 3 different occasions.  I just didn't have any pics on my phone of when I did.