[bipolared]

When bd happened I was floored!  What?  You are unhappy and want a what?
He changed so quickly I couldn't keep up, thought he lost his mind and so did everyone else.
My sister said...maybe he's having a midlife crisis (laughing of course) but when I googled it, it all made sense.  This was maybe after 2 months.

Thunder, me too as I'm sure most of us were.  But that morning he was grabbing and kissing me in the kitchen, telling me I was beautiful and voluptuous.  Then came home that evening to BD!

[cosette]

DJ-

So much of what you say is exactly how I feel or where we (H and I) are at.

Now her favorite line is "I want happiness" but she's still looking for it outside of herself. She tells me this is abou

This is my H's line and he too is looking everywhere but within himself.  He just doesn't get it yet. My MLCer is still at home and same bed but he has no contact with me outside of schedule and kid discussions.  He too avoids me like the plague.  Literally he mkes me fill like I have a plague.  It used to really bother me but now I am understand so much more that he is really the one with a plague - the plague of MLC and it is horrible.

[Dji76]

Grace that was the same article I read that really convinced me this is likely mlc. I would love to send it to her but what's the point. We are supposed to have a counseling session together in 2 weeks... Can't decide if I should bring up mlc?? Who knows if she will really schedule it... If she does I'll go, if not I'm not gonna press her to do it.

[MsT]

Grace- yes, that hit's the nail on the head. This is the one that made my light bulb go on http://nashlinks.com/midlife.htm
DJ- I don't know about trying to bring it up in MC, everything I read says don't because he will see it as more insidious evil from his devil woman trying to trivialize his emotional storm after already totally ruining his life. It's hard for me, though, since I'm pretty sure at this point I'm the only person who has any idea what's happening, although his MD and Dad are aware that he's having a major depressive episode. I still very much want to help him, even though he's being a total f-word-er.
Thunder- It was also a bolt from the blue for me. One day we're solid to the core and the next day "this has been a long time coming- I've never really wanted to be in this relationship"

[Dji76]

Yeah I got a phone call "I don't love you, I never did, I want a divorce." Wtf?!? 18 years, 2 great kids... She's off looking for "hapoiness". I hate that word now. She has since admitted tearfully that she did in fact love me... Just doesn't anymore. Just venting... Sorry

[MsT]

Yes, I sent him a text one day shortly after all the really bad fighting saying that I was sorry for fighting, but was really thrown off by how restless and unhappy he seemed the last few weeks. His reply- "I've been restless and unhappy for years." Bullsht. Restless men don't try so hard to get me pregnant for 2 years. Restless men don't sign 30 year mortgage contracts. I am a reasonable and logical person and I can make reasonable and logical arguments for days. Not that it means anything to this lunatic who replaced the love of my life.
Also venting, sorry 

[Returned]

My xH had always had cyclical mood swings which hit about every 3 months or so and lasted anywhere from 3 days to a week. However at bomb drop he was really really nutty. I first read about MLC about three weeks in, when it was beginning to dawn on me that the craziness was not going away this time. I thought wow! he is really gone off the deep end this time. It took me more than a year though to understand that there was absolutely nothing I could do to help him.

[hopeful2]

I believe my h been going through a MLC for 7 years.Seven years ago I thought he  was just having an affair. Looking back all the signs of MLC was there but he was only 35 I thought he was too young. I thought everything was fine between us 5 years later then I found out he had another affair with the first ow sister. Then for a year he was angry , being distant, tell me he was miserable because of our relationship and it was toxic , that he wasn't in love with me.blah blah. No matter how hard I tried I could please him.He keep saying that he couldn't trust me when he saw anything good I was doing.He became cold and mean at times.Staying out all night, lying a lot and started to drink.Then the beginning of last year he told me that God had been dealing with him and he loved me was going to make things right .He was to work hard to earn back my trust and make me feel safe again. I was so happy. Unfortunately
that never happened. I thought things were ok for a few months then around the middle of I started to see signs that things where not ok and that he was still having an affair. Which I never thought they ended.By then end of year he doing all things he did the previous year.On December 10th he moved out for the second time. That when I started to look for answers.My pastor said he thought he was in a MLC. So I didn't some research and confirmed that he is in MLC. I know this might sound weird but after not knowing all this time it was a relief to know what I am dealing with.It been a long painful journey and only God know how much longer we have to go.When this first started I was a total mess but l have grown so much since then.I am still learning.I not where I want to be but thank God I am not where I used to be.I tried for two years to do everything in my power to change things and failed miserably. God kept telling me then was nothing I could do to fix it and I had to let go and trust him.After all the research I did told me the same thing being totally worn out I finally accepted that I can do nothing to fix this.Letting go is the best thing I can do for both of us.I am accepting this is my life for now .

[Thunder]

Dj,

Please don't bring up MLC, it will most likely back fire on you and puts them on the defensive.
There's nothing wrong with them, ya know?   

cosette,

Isn't that a strange feeling when they treat you like their skin will burn if they touch you?  Just bizarre.I know this isn't nice but after awhile I would touch him just to see him jump.  Or get too close and see him panic.  LOL
It only lasted a few months but looking back I think he was so certain of his choice to D me that he was afraid I could change his mind by touching me.  He was probably scared to death.

MsT,

Christmas my H bought me a beautiful bathrobe.  Saying he knows how cold I get and thought this would make me feel better...along with a beautiful card..Love always, H
January 2nd...I week later...he wasn't happy in our marriage, hadn't been for awhile and wanted out...with the coldest eyes I have ever seen.

Like he flipped a switch.

[Dji76]

Thunder, good advice, I'm not gonna bring it up. I know Tim the past people here have posted when then get some insight into what/how the MLCer is thinking. Here is a recent comment from my w:
"I am not the person I was when I was with you. That person was miserable. I Want happiness and I am happy now."
So what's my takeaway from this?? Well her actions and words don't match. She comes across as a miserable and angry person to anyone that knew the old w. Her mask is working for the new friends in her life... She is a different person. I say I don't know her anymore but that's not true. I met the person she is now 19 years ago. I realize I just interrupted her process of bottoming at a younger age and the lessons she would have learned and applied to adult life. She needs to get thru this process as she lacks the ability to learn from others... She must go through it herself. She relied completely on me for all of these things and that's why she felt so controlled. They may have been generally the "right or best" decisions but they were not her decisions. What she fails to realize now is that she wasn't making any decisions or setting any boundaries. She left that to me as SOMEONE has to do those things in a relationship. She resents me for her co dependency.