[MsT]

Thunder- yes, it was like a switch flipped. I usually try to keep our relationship between us but I was so bewildered by how nuts he was acting that I called my sister. Her first reaction was that it was just a normal relationship bump-in-road and that we would work it out as always. I told her I wasn't so sure, this felt different and I was afraid he was losing his damn mind. A week later I updated her on what it had been like at home and she got quiet for a while then said "he's lost his damn mind."
DJ- mine doesn't look happy or say he's happy, but I don't haven't seen him interacting with his kiddie friends. I only know that when he comes here, he looks miserable and stares off in space a lot. I very badly want to tell him he's in midlife crisis and what he is feeling and doing is all very typical for the situation as a way to comfort him, but he isn't trying to hear anything I'm saying, so I've quit saying stuff.

[Thunder]

MsT, that's the best decision you could make.   They don't believe it anyway.
Now I just agree with him on silly things I know are not true or real.  Ah ha...I see.

The only thing I do allow myself is an occasional truth dart.  Sometimes they get mad or act like they didn't hear it but they do.

I know because every once on awhile he will come back with something I said months ago. 

[MsT]

what do you mean "truth dart"?

[OldPilot]

what do you mean "truth dart"?

Read this thread

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1435.0

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1435.msg246751#msg246751

[hopeful2]

MsT,
It sounds like you are learning. They won't revive the help you try to give  they twisted it and use it against with you. They won't acknowledge they have a problem their miserly is caused by you in their twisted up mind.Nothing you say or do can untwist it.I hate being th he villain in my h make a believe world.I have tried so hard to change that image on his mind and nothing has worked. So I have stopped trying to preserve my sanity.It is so hard to do nothing while they self destruct.I am a helper by nature realize there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him was the hardest thing I ever had to accept.I still struggle it.The more I let go and trust God  with all of this the easier it becomes. I threw some truth darts at him the other day it mess up his little world.Then he twisted it and told me I was the one rewriting history to make myself look good and making him to be the villain. There is no winning with him.I will not give into his lies.

[Picton]

Yip - they lie,lie,lie! Truth darted mine regarding this - oh did monster become unleashed lol

I told mine that I was worried about him and that he looked tired. He turned around and said "I am happy"............... Didn't ask if he was happy or not! Bl@@dly lier!!!

I knew within the first week after BD that xp was having a mlc. I had a couple of friends say to me "oh he is having a mid life crisis". My mil went to the dr the next week and even he said "he is having a mlc - I want to see him, I can help" dr been asking for the last 9 months to see him and of course he won't go.

I am lucky that in the country I live in the medical profession acknowledge that mlc is really something some people go through. I know from this site that isn't always the case.

Kia Kaha - stay strong

[MsT]

Thank you for the links. I keep thinking of things like that I really want to say to him someday when he's back on this planet.

[hopeful2]

The monster hates the truth darts because his world is based on lies. The truth is the only thing that will destroy that world and set our h free.They have to find their way back to the truth on their own.We can throw the darts and pray it penetrates deep enough for them to get.

[Thunder]

One truth dart was, we were watching a wedding on some movie and the bride said to love honor and obey.  My H looked at me very seriously and said...see, that was the problem.  You didn't say obey.

I looked at him and said...yes, but you said for better or for worse tile death do us part and when the worse happened you bailed.

He had nothing to say.   

[MsT]

I'm tempted to give him a truth dart about how he's going to feel when I move along with my life and he is drinking alone in a basement while another man watches watches his daughters open their Christmas presents. Not going to, though.