[1trouble]

OK so I counted 87 people many of whom are already on the lists that we already have, some are not reconciled, some we have never heard from again.

So now what does it mean?

Nothing....I just said I would put it up here and I have

and the idea about the board was only a suggestion...that's all

[OldPilot]

OK so I counted 87 people many of whom are already on the lists that we already have, some are not reconciled, some we have never heard from again.

So now what does it mean?

Nothing....I just said I would put it up here and I have

and the idea about the board was only a suggestion...that's all

OK - thanks for your effort.

[Roma]

From my reading, MLC is a process that has little to do with what the LBS does, or doesn't do. It's mostly all about the MLCer's emotional maturation. If the MLCer doesn't ever heal whatever brought them to MLC in the first place, then reconciliation won't happen. And if the MLCer does the required work, then the natural process is reconciliation.

I feel this site is wonderful in teaching the LBS to keep the focus on us and the children, and let the MLCer heal and grow into full emotional maturity that was compromised, not by the MLCer , yet from whatever traumatic event in their childhood that stunted their growth.

That's my understanding.

[Nas]

My only point was that we are responsible for our own happiness, and that includes our own choice to have hope. 
Some days I admittedly view the situation as absolutely hopeless.

I can also choose to look for hopeful signs in the information presented. But at times when I feel all hope is lost, nothing I read does very much to make me more hopeful.
I could dig up 500 possible "rebuilding" members and still not believe my H and I will be together again.

When I'm feeling hopeless, I can't expect any one of you fine people to give me hope.  That's on me. 

That said, I do agree that seeing stories of successful rebuilding is very helpful.  It not only can give a newbie hope - if they choose to have hope - but these stories provide extremely valuable insight into the whole process of MLC and what might/could happen after the madness of replay ends.

If someone on this site reconciles, I'm extremely happy for them, and I love reading about reconnections and reconciliations, but it doesn't really give me hope regarding the outcome of my own situation because my situation is unique to me and my MLCer.

[OldPilot]

When I'm feeling hopeless, I can't expect any one of you fine people to give me hope.  That's on me. 

Here is the thing that I can guarantee.

You need to be hopeful in YOURSELF!

I can guarantee you success in that endeavor.

Stop trying to be HOPEFUL in a relationship that you have no control over.
Any relationship is a 50/50 proposition and even if you give 125% in that you
may or may not get to reconcile.
HOWEVER if you give 125% towards yourself I guarantee that you will be successful!!


MY .02

[Slow Fade]

of course we all know that there are fewer reconciliations than not, but here, this forum, is where I thought we were safe in playing the long game.  Everywhere else tells you to give up.

In one of her intro articles RCR says that she believes that there would be fewer divorces if more people took a stand.  And that is what so many of us are here to do. 

Amen, I totally agree.

[Phoenix]

Attaching...

[stayed]

When I'm feeling hopeless, I can't expect any one of you fine people to give me hope.  That's on me. 

Here is the thing that I can guarantee.

You need to be hopeful in YOURSELF!

I can guarantee you success in that endeavor.

Stop trying to be HOPEFUL in a relationship that you have no control over.
Any relationship is a 50/50 proposition and even if you give 125% in that you
may or may not get to reconcile.
HOWEVER if you give 125% towards yourself I guarantee that you will be successful!!


MY .02

This says it all to me.  Success is all about YOU! 

Hugs Stayed

[Ready2Transform]

I agree too, but...I want to make a suggestion that may be unpopular. Since the focus of the site really has progressed more toward "hope in the LBS" instead of "hope in the marriage reconciliation" - The forum tag (and not referring to the main site) "Dealing with Midlife Crisis and Infidelity When You Don't Want a Divorce" should be changed to something like, "The HS Forum - Where Standers, Spouses, and Those Moving On Come Together to Heal." Just my .02 to keep the overall mission on point.

[Slow Fade]

I agree too, but...I want to make a suggestion that may be unpopular. Since the focus of the site really has progressed more toward "hope in the LBS" instead of "hope in the marriage reconciliation" - The forum tag (and not referring to the main site) "Dealing with Midlife Crisis and Infidelity When You Don't Want a Divorce" should be changed to something like, "The HS Forum - Where Standers, Spouses, and Those Moving On Come Together to Heal." Just my .02 to keep the overall mission on point.

R2T I love you and you are very wise, but this make me sad to the pit of my stomach. If I had seen this when I was new, I wouldn't have gone any further with the site. I did not want a divorce. I wanted support for standing and I wanted my marriage back. I wanted to learn about midlife crisis and infidelity as well. It was the tag that got me to look further into this site. It was that tag that got me to read the articles which are fabulous. It was learning about script and how to handle contact and how to respond and not react that helped me stand. I'm very grieved that the forum is changing its focus.  Just my .02 as well.

((hugs))