[ruggedendurance]

I have been sitting here and....  I've mellowed out.

I'm wondering.   I was a good husband.   Adored her.   Tried my ass off to be everything a woman wanted....

I'm feeling now.  She turned me into a more feminine version of myself than I am comfortable with.    I was never jealous.   I never gave her $hit for spending time away from me.    I never wondered if she was up to no good....

I know now.   She had a few affairs.

I'm wondering.   If women make their men into "nice guys" to make themselves comfortable with the relationship and I'm wondering.   If those same women are satisfied with the "nice guy" version of the man they met..........

I was waaay less macho with her than I've become..........   Way less macho than I am normally.

Just a question.   I would love to know what the women think of this.   I would love to know if they even think about this.


edited for language - OP

[OldPilot]

OK I will play into your game - so do you think by using foul  language
you are more MAN Like?

You think women will want to hear that and not be offended?

You think that will make you more appealing and able to catch a more desireable woman?

[Velika]

I didn't see the unedited version of your post, but I think most people want to be married to someone who is genuinely kind and a good person. I don't think those are "feminine" qualities; I think those are the traits of someone who was raised well.

If you were feeling like you couldn't be yourself in your relationship or overly accommating, consider that some of your same behavior with another, more trustworthy and less troubled person, could have led to far different results.

Don't let this bad experience close you off to other people. I would take the time to really consider what feels like an authentically good way to treat others (and to be treated) from a position of confidence and strength and refocus that way.

[Keep believing]

No i do not think that at all. I was te same way with my h. I didnt give him $h!te going out. I trusted him too much .what ilearned is that i should have spoke up more. My h did whatever he wanted. Sometimes i think i should have given boundries but i didnt want to ruffle feathers. I wanted to keep the peace. I figured if he had the freedom to do what he wanted he wouldnt leave and could never use me as an excuse for missing out. Seems that didnt work.

[Thunder]

Oh man Kb, I was the same with my 1st H.  He had no boundaries at all. 
When he went into his crisis and hooked up with his first ow, she had him on a leash.
My thoughts were the same as yours.  I should have put up some boundaries.

To answer your question rugged.  I wouldn't be with a man who was not a good man.  I'm not into being treated by a selfish, self-centered man.  So I never changed my H, he was always good.

[OldPilot]

I didn't see the unedited version of your post

So - please humor me,
if you saw descriptions of female parts of the body as words how would that make you feel?

I will take responsibility for not allowing those words on our pages.

[nah]

guilty... I've always been attracted to the "bad boys".

I was more than satisfied when the "bad boy" turned into a "good guy" to be with me and raise our family.

I never thought less of him b/c he was no longer the "bad boy", just the opposite.

After 28 years of being a good man, he reverted back to his teen-age self.  Now he is a middle aged D-bag that only cares about himself.

Could I have done anything differently to keep my man?

Of course not. 

It's them, not us.

[ruggedendurance]

OP is the picture of a feminized male..........

Yeah.   My words were descriptive.    Honestly.  I felt less than myself in the marriage.

But the question is valid.   I had heard that men marry women hoping they will never change.   Women marry men in hopes of changing them.

I feel that I gave up a great deal of myself to make the marriage work for as long as it did.    I honestly feel that she had no respect for the feminized version of me........  Or.   What I see now as a feminized version.

Then........  I go to a bar.........    Women are after a raging male........   The women I meet have no problem with my straight forward speech.   They appear to be more macho than the men I see........

To me.  There seems to be a distinct double standard

Probably not so different than a man that wants to meet a "nice girl" to marry but expects a w#ore in the bedroom......


anyway.   This forum seemed like a place that I could pose the question

Oh.   She has been gone 4yrs Oct. 7........   Still no sign that she can be any form of a human being.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

OP I'm calling you out on this one: he's being vulnerable and trying to get honest feedback, and you are attacking him for no other reason other than you can.

He asked women about this one, and I've noticed that this forum is getting more drama filled by the day. The last time I checked you were a man. This is an honest question, and he didn't offend anyone by asking it. It was honest and a good question.

Play his game? You're right about one thing: game playing is what's going on, but not with him. Honestly, the grudge holding on this forum is nauseating.

For once, just once, can someone ask an open and honest question without getting attacked for past offenses? We are the LBSers, but sometimes I wonder if there aren't some on here that aren't slipping into MLC themselves. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. In other words, I don't believe there is anyone on here that hasn't had several weak moments. Rugged isn't the only one.

Let the guy get the question answered without the snarky remarks. Can we finally have a discussion where we stay on topic? Please? Since you're not a woman the question wasn't directed at you, so stop taking pot shots, it's distracting.

Rugged, I think that a lot of women feminize their men. Not necessarily on purpose, but because many men have tempers. It's hard to deal with someone that doesn't really understand you. That goes for both sides. I believe that men really want to please their women, if they're mature. Let's face it, most women marry "potential" if we're going to be honest. And, some people feel that someone else will "complete" them. All of it stems from insecurity.

Having said that, keep in mind that MLCers usually have shown signs: of insecurity, immaturity, lack of boundaries, jealousy, and/or irresponsibility throughout the marriage that the LBSer either downplayed or assumed that it would someday change. Most LBSers are fixers or just patient and figure that this too shall pass.

You did your best, and you can't do more than that. Don't beat yourself up too much, she made poor choices and bad decisions despite what you tried to be for her. We've all had to go through that. It is what it is. You can only do your best, if that wasn't enough for her... Well, you tried, and no one can fault you for that.

This is all that I'm going to say on this thread, so OP I won't be checking for your response.

Later.

 

[nah]

OP I'm sure I'm not the only one who appreciates everything you do in here.