[MyBrainIsBroken]

I think it's important to recognize that the MLCer is going through an identity crisis. For most of them, in their mind, the person who was the spouse and parent no longer exists. They can't be that person anymore. Imagine your MLC spouse as a very distant relative, then think about the kind of relationship you would expect that person would have with your children. I believe they do recognize that they have an obligation to the children but I don't believe they feel an emotional connection to them so their actions are primarily driven by duty and guilt. It's sad but that's the nature of MLC.

In some cases I believe it goes even deeper and they see the LBS, and by extension, the children, as the objects that are holding them back from finding the happiness they're chasing and they respond accordingly. Imagine a wild animal trapped in a cage and frantically trying to escape.

[KeepItTogether]

Interesting discussion. Initially my H was escaping and avoiding all, including our S10. He was extremely short with him, unreasonably hard and unloving.  Now, 6 months later, he has completely flipped. He is almost obsessed with S10. He cries about missing out on things, etc. He seems to have reconnected with our S10 which makes me happy. But it may be a little over the top. And of course, if he has plans, like say to run a half marathon, that will trump all, including S10s very first B-Ball game.

[krathos]

I know for my MLC W she has at first been very short and angry with D14 when asked questions, even after she moved out spent very little time with her at all, had more important things to do in the evening when we would visit.
 Told D about things that she was doing to in my opinion bribe D but then wouldn't follow though on them when D asked about said topic when they were together, now she has continued the bribing in other forms to get D attention but to no avail cause D wants nothing to do with her, she hasn't even told her that she is living with OM. She has made no effort to even come see her since she moved back in August. Has told me that she wants a relationship with D but willing to do it through me. She is really messed up in head.

[Dumbfounded]

KIT - Your post is very interesting as I have a S11 and H has been acting almost exactly the same way with him. My BD is only a few months before yours so the time line is almost the same.  At first it was all escape and avoid everyone, now S11 is like his little buddy. But it is not a normal father/son relationship.... more like a best buddy. I think it creeps our S11 a little because he is looking for Dad and he is getting this best friend response. If S11 acts up, H will come to me and tell on him like a friend would. The other night they were playing xbox together and S11 had a meltdown because he was overtired and the game wasn't going his way. H comes to me... S11 isn't playing nice with me. I am going home and he leaves. I have to go down and deal with S11 's meltdown by myself.

Of course, S11 is only a best buddy if he doesn't have any better offers from his replay friends.

He treats H15 the same way he treats me.  We might as well be the same person.           

[Roma]

I read something that if the children are teens the MLCer sees than as much younger children and treats them that way and that causes problems.

Also from what I read, the children are the first ones the MLCer reconnects with once they start to wake up.

[KeepItTogether]

The other night they were playing xbox together and S11 had a meltdown because he was overtired and the game wasn't going his way. H comes to me... S11 isn't playing nice with me. I am going home and he leaves. I have to go down and deal with S11 's meltdown by myself.
         

Seriously DF--it's like our Hs are the same person!  I had almost the exact same scenario happen last weekend! Oh and H decided to buy S10 a PS4 for Christmas (in addition to the xBox and WiiU he already has). The games he got for it are more games H is into. LOL. Regress much?

[hard work]

My older children S21 and D18 complain that they are treated as if they are small children at times. This causes huge friction in their relationship with X. Younger D11 is seen as someone that she can control and dictate to. Again producing friction. All my kids complain that X does not listen to them. They also feel that X's bf takes precedence over them all. I am often accused by X of trying to be "father of the year". I do like the title and take it as a compliment. However the reason she gives me the label is because I have a very open relationship with my kids and they have the confidence to speak to me about anything knowing that I will listen to them.
IMO everyone in the MLC mind is to serve a purpose for their own gain. Their ego needs to be continually stoked, hence their need for control or rejection.