[MoreWillBeRevealed]

It's been 6 months and I still have the blessing of not meeting OW/trashbag face to face. However, I know it will be inevitable at some point that our paths will cross. My reaction will depend on the setting. If it is at a recovery meeting, I'll walk out and go to a different meeting. If it is during an exchange of our S5 or at son's t-ball game or school event, I won't say anything to her or give her a nasty look. I'll pretend she doesn't exist. I really don't think she deserves an introduction and at this point I don't think I should participate in one. She has said awful things about me and is bat sh-t crazy. She does not need to be recognized at this point. Now, if H and OW end up being in luv and together for years, there may come a point in time I will acknowledge her for my son's sake. But, honestly, I don't think she deserves even a "hello" until that occurs. I will focus on taking care of myself and calling a friend or my sponsor immediately after the encounter.

[Ready2Transform]

Personally I wouldn't meet her. Not my business to. I wouldn't give her the time of day.

This is me, too. Never met the OW, despite having been told by my late friend who met her that she thought we were "old friends who'd known each other forever" based on her casual knowledge of me and my life. Yikes! I did respond to at least one of her gross FB comments once on xH's status, and then PM'ed her after BD to tell her to enjoy the jewelry I bought her, especially since it was my birthstone he'd gifted, not hers.  Cheap shot. I regret even acknowledging she was a person, because I've learned more about how there's power in not giving them the attention.

I want to caution you, V - you're a powerful manifester! If you're picturing scenarios where you will meet her, guaranteed, you will find yourself face to face. But there are many of us here who have never met these people (even some with kids!), and I have known many divorced couples who co-parent without involving any third parties. It's all business. It's a matter of no longer waiting for what the MLCer is going to throw at you next, but starting to form the life you want, and then their crap, whatever comes up, gets rejected or incorporated based more on your needs than on their demands. 2012, I waited with baited breath for the next email or visit from xH, letting it dictate my day/mood/next step. Now I only respond when it suits me, and usually leave him hanging with the last email. His other antics are irrelevant. I know yours is at that phase where he pushes when it gets too quiet, but honestly, you'll look back on this time someday and realize how much more power you had to ignore him than it felt like. Pickups, dropoffs, legal. That's the only contact you really need with him now.

[Dji76]

Head held high and project confidence, just like if you met anyone else. This is your H problem, not yours or ow. She didn't cause his affair, he was the married man that allowed it to happen. I was happy to meet om as it gave me an opportunity to establish myself as the dominant figure. Now, months after the initial interaction I am happy I stayed composed. The reality is he is a fixture in my kids lives and I appreciate that he treats them well and they seem comfortable with him. We dont have to like it, but those of us with young kids do need to face it with dignity and strength.

[Velika]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and suggestions and also for making me laugh.

I would like to think I could live life never meeting this woman but sadly sharing a child and impending OB (other baby) makes this scenario unlikely.

I feel that the dynamics may be slightly different in a husband-OM meeting than a wife-OW meeting, as I believe that in an affair between a woman and a married man, the affair is an aggressive act on the part of the OW. I think she works out many of her anger and dad issues and jealousy in this dynamic and so for a betrayed wife the situation is actually one of meeting an aggressor.

I of course now months in can see this more clearly as she has won a prize not worth having and does she not realize she has shacked up with a mentally unstable man, and yes that she must be desperate. So my feeling is that I can have empathy for her as well.

Thanks for the comments! And yes if unluckily we do meet I will keep very brief and hopefully would not have to encounter again for some time.

[Roma]

I would like to think I could live life never meeting this woman but sadly sharing a child and impending OB (other baby) makes this scenario unlikely.

Why? I wouldn't at all. As a matter of fact I would have that written in a legal stipulation.

[Reallytrying]

I feel that the dynamics may be slightly different in a husband-OM meeting than a wife-OW meeting, as I believe that in an affair between a woman and a married man, the affair is an aggressive act on the part of the OW. I think she works out many of her anger and dad issues and jealousy in this dynamic and so for a betrayed wife the situation is actually one of meeting an aggressor.

Why would this feel different for a betrayed husband?  I would think anyone meeting the affair partner would be difficult.  I share children and coparent as well but have no interest in meeting her.  But if I did run into her I would like to think I would be mature - but who knows what would happen in reality.  I hope for your sake you don't meet her anytime soon.

[Thunder]

I suppose with kids and school activities, sports, etc. you will eventually run into her.

It's honestly no big deal.  After my 1st H remarried I saw his W a few times.  We just said hi to each other, or ignored each other and that was it.

I had no resentment towards her, it was my H's fault.  Was she in the right?  Nope!  But I believe he told her a whole lot of lies about me and our marriage and not knowing me she fell for it.

Stupid but she eventually D'd him, too   

[Velika]

Reallytrying, I agree with you than in any circumstance, it would be difficult to meet an affair partner. This was in no way intended to minimize the experience of a betrayed husband.

I do think, though, that a typical OW is different from a typical OM, based what I read on this forum and what I have read about infidelity. I think that OWs tend to be more attention seeking and fixated on the wife than the typical OM. I think most OMs would not seek out the husband, whereas many OWs (including my MLCer's) invite contact with the wife.

[Seeing The Light]

I actually knew who both OW were before H confirmed them.  However, OW1 disappeared so no contact with her after H broke it off.  MOW2, after H confirmed the affair, he changed her to "friend" status and kept encouraging her to show up things we were doing "as a family".  He kept inviting her and her husband to do things with us and he couldn't understand why that never happened.   

She would continue to insist on only talking to him while her H was not around.  She finally showed up at a store that we were in and I met her again face to face after H and I started reconnecting.  I was like, what the frenchtoast is this all about?  But I went ahead and stood there with my head up and very gracious.  All I could say in my head over and over was "this is what you had an EA with?  Are you frenchtoast kidding me?"  So very much an affair down. 

I was more feeling like it was surreal experience than an anger experience.  For me, I was already accepting of the fact that he had made the choice so it just didn't generate the anger.  I knew he had to work through this on his own.  Honestly, I think that he needed to see the two of us together so that he could work through whatever the frenchtoast was going on in his head as he was moving through the tunnel.

[Roma]

I agree with STL. It's not about anger with OW, I just wouldn't want to bring any negative feelings I had before up. I want to keep all that in the past.

I also agree with the fantasy of having two women/people is a MLC polygamous dream come true, even if the two just meet.

Sick sick sick MLC.