[Thundarr]

So Kikki, what you're saying is that he didn't always compare your children to evil dictators who committed genocide?  Maybe he was just pointing out that OW was as innocent as the Jews were.  Yeah, that.  Lol!!

I got the laugh too, but hadn't focused on it due to the crazy evil crap she was saying.  It's simply amazing what they all do.

[kikki]

So Kikki, what you're saying is that he didn't always compare your children to evil dictators who committed genocide?  Maybe he was just pointing out that OW was as innocent as the Jews were.  Yeah, that.  Lol!!

Think you're right T, poor innocent little lamby OW!!!! 

That laugh thing was a little disturbing.  Are you still questioning MLC Thundarr??

[Thundarr]

I'm still questioning my own sanity in the face of such madness.  Believing it's real doesn't mean I can yet believe its really happening to us.

[kikki]

I'm still questioning my own sanity in the face of such madness.  Believing it's real doesn't mean I can yet believe its really happening to us.

I can understand that 

[NewBeginnings]

Well this isn't really funny but kind of shocking.  So our son has been having some health issues.  The Dr. has determined his issues are from emotional trauma.  The Dr. suggested that our son stay very active.  So our son asked his father 2 weeks ago if he could start coming down every Saturday to spend time with him.  H said, sure buddy.  I knew better but kept it to myself.  So H was down last Sat. and I just knew he wouldn't come again today.  Thursday our son came home from school and was excited that his father was going to come down again this Sat..  I told him he better call his father and discuss it with him.  So he did.  He asked his father what time he would be here on Sat.  H replied, I am not coming.  Son said, but Dad you promised me you would come every Sat.. 
H said, well things happen, I can't come.  Son said you never keep your promises.  Now this is the shocking statement, H said,
Son, I can't believe you are treating me like this! 

I could see the disappointment all over our son's face.  Son said to his father, fine Dad, I will find someone else who wants to be with me, someone who wants to take me to do some fun things.  And then my son  hung up on his father.    H never called his son back.
I am so pissed at him for turning this around and making his son feel guilty when all our son wants is to spend more time with his Dad. The nerve of him saying that to his son who he only spends 10-12 hours a month with and after he abandoned us, he has the gull to say that.   

[NoRegrets]

My heart is broken for your son.

I feel nauseated since reading that.

I think you're going to have to step into your son's now-empty father role to the best of your ability, befriend his friends' parents, take him to do fun things, be light and have a sense of humor as much as you can.

Though your heart aches for your son (my heart aches for your son and I don't even know him) you cannot let this emotion color everything, you cannot try to punish your H with your son's pain.

I think for now you make every effort to not let your son get his hopes up. Do not allow your son to ask his father to make empty promises--do not put your son in a position to be manipulated, even if to prove a point to him, to yourself, to your H.

That is done. Your H will make it very clear when he is ready to be sincere.

This makes me so sad.

[NewBeginnings]

Thanks Cali ~ My heart is broken for my son too.     That night when my son was going to bed and I was in his room checking to make sure he was ok,  my son said to me, Mom, does Dad love me?     I told him yes, his father loves him very much and that he is lost in MLC land.  Son said, I know Mom.   My son knows all about MLC.  He sets me straight a lot of times.    It's so cute for a almost 14 year old boy.  Yet it is still so sad that his father chooses work and OW over his own son. 

I do take my son to do fun things but he really wants to spend more time with his father also.  Our Therapist told me that right now at sons age,  it is so very important for boys to have their dads in their life.  Now is when they learn all about morals, trust, integrity ect. and that a father in kids life at this stage is more important that ever.  Sadly, about 6 weeks ago, H and son were eating out and some how they got a the subject of integrity, morals and trust and I don't know what was being said exactly because I wasn't there but our son told me his father said to him, I don't need integrity and morals.       I don't care what people think!   That had to be guilt talking.  But what a horrible thing for H to say to his son.  Thank God my son knows better and he does realize these things are very important.

[NoRegrets]

NB, can your son spend time with his friends' fathers?

I think it's important for our boys to have good male role models who are happy/contented fathers and husbands. It may hurt them to think, "Why can't MY dad be like that?" but the behavior modeling will be profound even if it's not their own father.

Gah, this is so sad!

[NewBeginnings]

Cali ~ My son's BF's father died the same month as my BD, Feb. 2011.   My son has become very close to his Therapist.  He tells him everything and the Therapist is now life a father figure to my son.  I wish he had time to spend with my son outside of Therapy but he doesn't.  He sees at least 50 people a week and he is married to it is out of the question. 

My son has also gotten very close to his G'pa, my father.  He calls him once or twice a week and my father has been great at trying to teach him things that his father should be doing.  So has the Therapist.  As a matter of fact, the Therapist told me Christian was asking him things about sex ect.. You know things that a boy should learn from his Dad.  The Therapist asked me if H has done this yet?  I said no, not to my knowledge.  The Therapist just shook his head back and forth.

[NoRegrets]

RED FLAG, NB!!

Make sure you check in with your son re: therapist!

Gah! That kinda freaks me out.

Ask your son if the therapist ever makes him uncomfortable??