[Metal]

• "I ordered some food to-go b/c i'm worried i'll never get to come back to this restaurant again"
• "All Men are p*ssy's"
• "I have orgasmic fantasies about killing you"  (ok, so not too funny, but.. wow. huh?)

[Still]

Metal,

You better keep that sword close to you.

[rediscover]

After he told my girls he was leaving me, they went out with some friends to a fair & then to lunch. At lunch he said...
"Oh, Rediscover makes the BEST Chicken Marsala ever!  Maybe she'll make it one night this week.  I haven't had it in awhile."

Maybe I should make it and send it to his office...LOL!

[DCD]

"i don't know if i can go talk to someone...that would be....weird" - ya, cause this situation isn't weird at all.

about the very sad story of a police office losing his life "oh man...imagine? - the poor wife and child without her husband and his dad...nothing sadder than that..." - uh huh...unlike this poor wife and this poor child...but wait, you're not dead, so i guess that's ok.

there were just so many that i can't remember right now and, although it  is seemingly getting better, there was a chunk of time that my entire body would cringe when he'd open his mouth for fear that i would be put away for either physically trying to shove his foot into his mouth or for attempting to perform a home-based colonoscopy in search of his head. 

we were watching a movie the other night (green hornet) where the bad guy had a real issue with people not seeing him as scary.  the movie had its "laugh out loud" moments....the more juvenile humour was greatly appreciated by the man to whom i am currently married...and he had a grand old time until the villain's side kick starts confronting him about his odd behaviour and was concerned that he was going through a midlife crisis - this was met by a "hmm" from the man i'm currently married to and that was pretty much it for the laughs for the rest of the movie.  now THAT'S WEIRD!! 

[BonBon]

I have to go back to the early days of my begging and pleading H to tell me what was wrong to answer this:

Me:  So, what do I need to work on to make our relationship better?
H:    Well, you're boring and rigid.  Oh and you have panic attacks and a bad back.
Me:  My bad back is a fault and a problem in our relationship?
H:    Well, yes.
Me:  But it's only something that happens maybe once every few years and I don't ask you to do very
        much to help me when that happens.
H:    I know but you can't play tennis anymore.
Me:  That's a big problem?
H.     No, not really.  But you can't dig a ditch if you need to.


I think you can safely assume that I have never wanted/needed/been called upon to dig a ditch in my entire life.  Wow.

And you can bet your bippy that I promptly picked up a spade and dug a ditch...in the "precious" and all important front lawn.

G

[StandandDeliver]

Well, I've mentioned this one before, but I do think it is incredible,

"I think it would only be possible for us to get back together if we were divorced..."

Certainly an untraditional approach to building a relationship.

Another favourite was in an email to me(about the family home that he had just vacated) , "when I come to your house and by that I mean I now consider it to be your home, although much of it is familiar to me"

What? I should think all of it would be more than "familiar" to you. You lived in it for 3 years, left 3 weeks ago at the time of the message and I hadn't made any significant changes in that time. Bizarre.

[Still]

Different colored Days,

Oh my. I have had that, too. My h getting upset over something that is happening in our home and thinking it is a tragedy for someone else. Weird.

My H told me that he wanted a divorce because I refused to help co-chair a team at a cancer event in 1999. Um, I think that statute of limitations ran out on that one.  BUZZZ! Try again.

[Moving Forward]

My husband's language is lettered with weird stuff:-

His Dad - he calls by his first name!
Our home - he calls it by the town we live in
My e-mail address in his address book is Mrs First name, Second Name, Surname
His sister - he cannot say her name

He has become very pompous verbose with his language and tone of any correspondance BUT his grammar has deteriorated - he texts in kids 'txt spk 'and e-mails without any full stops or comma's or capital letters (he was always very proud of his ability to write a good well planned letter!).

He heard I had a lunch date with a very wealthy man about 3 months after BD (it was lunch with a client). My husband called me and said that I was bagging a rich man and that he was now destitute because he was supporting me and our children (he isn't and never has by the way). He said I'd fallen on my feet and never have to worry about money again ......it was lunch with a CLIENT!!!!

He told me one of the reasons he couldn't live with me was because I had a verucca (yep!!) and that I couldn't make tea the way he liked it.

Mad as a box of frogs

P
xx

[Buggy31]

They are nutz  but then again I've said that so much I am beginning to feel NUTZ  . 
If you read my funny MLCer comment forgive me I've posted it before but it is just too much.

A couple weeks ago my H showed up at my house with OW minivan insisting that although the kids aren't to have contact with OW and her kids (according to our custody agreement) that it said nothing about another residence and that he was taking our kids to OW's MOTHER's house. 

I told him to bring the kids back in the house if that was the plan and we would straighten it out tommorow.

He said OHMYGOD YOU ARE CRAZY!  SOMETHING IS REALLY NOT RIGHT UP THERE! (pointing to his head and referring to mine  ).  I had to walk away I was laughing my a** off...really I couldn't control it. 

[Metal]

But you can't dig a ditch if you need to.

That is hilarious. I can't stop thinking about that one.