[Not Applicable]

I have read that some men won't accept the term "depression" because it sounds like melancholy or sadness.

One approach that someone offered me was to ask how he was feeling, lots of open ended questions, then perhaps introduce some symptoms of depression, still without mentioning the word depression.

I feel you have such a handle on this.

I think that is why he didn't agree with it either This was right after he told me he had no feelings for anyone, so of course he is not going to feel sad. Just empty.

Glad to hear you say that you think I have a handle on this. I would hope so since I spend way too much time obsessing over it! I know they say we need to detach and I am doing that with regards to interacting with him because it is clearly for the best, but our marriage in the long term I don't feel is on the line, so I question the benefit of detaching completely in my own mind privately. He asked me explicitly as he went into his tunnel for patience, not for a divorce. I promised him he would have no regrets staying married to me. So what can I do?

[Not Applicable]

C4E, I found this to be an excellent article on the topic, addressed to the depressed person:

http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.com/2013/07/selection-from-carver-joseph-phd_16.html?m=1

I found the first part of this interesting. Although depression is a big part of most MLC, I feel that the stress of how he has chosen to handle the issue that led to his MLC is what has pushed him into a depressed state, not the issue itself. When he first was in replay he was distant, but I don't feel he was depressed. Then I had to go away for a few months for something not related to his MLC. We were in contact, not that much, but I know he was under extreme stress at that time and all of that stress was indirectly and directly related to his relationship with the OW. At one point when he was complaining about the stress to me on the phone, I said, "You know I am not responsible for probably 99% of that stress." And he laughed and agreed with me. He continues to complain of stress, but doesn't lay the blame on me. I continue to try not to be the source of it and I think I am doing pretty good at that. I think focusing on the stress would be a good way for me to broach the topic of depression though because 1-I know I am a very small part of his stress (at least in terms of my actions, not sure about what is going on in his mind) and 2-it is what he recognizes he is suffering from.

[1trouble]

I posted this on the limerence thread earlier today but I think it might be seen more here
Someone put this link on my thread in Nov 2015, at the time I never looked at it but I did some time later and found it a very powerful way of describing just what depression feels like. 
Here is the link, its a blog written by someone who experiences depression and she has made this animation to describe how she felt
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

[Not Applicable]

Why depressed men leave @ storied mind  ( will not let me copy link )

Interesting. I found it and this part jumped out at me:

Isolation. Isolating from others doesn’t mean physical separation so much as creating distance while you’re with family, friends, everyone who’s close. I could do this by being angry or abusive, or by an emotional and mental disappearance in plain sight. On any given day, I could shift from one unmindful strategy to the other.

This is quite interesting. I can understand it and it makes a lot of sense, but our dynamic in the distant past was if he got angry, I would chase after him to solve it. Not anymore with MLC. I do the opposite. However, we did have a discussion recently where I told him it seemed he needed alone time and he agreed, but he isn't getting any at all right now and I think that could be a big part of his depression. So is he trying to drive me away by being an ass? If he is, it is working.

[osb]

C4E this is an excellent discussion. I have some similar experiences; my H is also a doc (as am I, so I had no hesitation in diagnosing the depression!), but very resistant to the notion that he might have been / be depressed. Perhaps because he's an ER doc, and sees depression only in its most severe state; there's also the very masculine aversion to the word depression as weak and unmanly; also, there's a family history of personality disorders combined with an extreme distrust of psychiatry, so it's totally anathema in his FOO to be thought to have a psych disorder.

Innocent of all this, soon after BD, I had suggested to H's mom that H showed all the signs of a major depression - so she immediately reported this to H, who roared back in full monster and almost threw me out of the house. Bad scene. I actually averted violence by effacing myself and slipping out for a run. A long run. H evidently got bored with chewing on the wainscoting in my absence, and left by the time I came home.

I just suggest a little caution in approaching this with your H. If his defenses are up, you may see him dig his heels in. And to tell truth, I'm not sure I'd blame him (or my H, in retrospect); when I'm at my most ornery and PMS-y, just how would I feel if someone pointed out to me that my emotions were being driven crazy by my cycle? I might just tear that person's arm off and beat them with the wet end.   I suspect my H had a similar reaction. In fact he jettisoned any friend who suggested depression or counseling to him, and kept only those friends who reinforced his own point of view (osb is holding you back, you deserve to be happy, etc etc). It's only now, in retrospect, that H sees he "might not have been thinking straight back then". The word 'depression' still gets a miss. 

[Thunder]

Chanigng when you say things like:

“I'd say my longterm relationship potential with my husband into the future is a lot more firm than that of most LBSs.”
Or
“I don't regard this as a situation where my marriage may or may not survive. It will.”

You’ve said things like this before.  It ruffles my feathers.  To me it sounds so presumptuous to say your situation is better than others or has a better chance, without an explanation.

We have NO idea what you base this on.

I’m really not trying to start an argument, I’m just trying to understand.  You apparently have your reasons but please do not assume you know what other relationships are like.

The dynamics of every marriage is different.

Maybe it would help to explain why you feel your marriage has a better chance than most.

[Not Applicable]

I'd say the main reason has little to do with personal dynamics and more to do with cultural/legal/religious differences. The advice you read on HS and HB is based on an American Protestant background/moral view subject to the sorts of civil marriage/divorce laws you find in US states. I'm from the US but I don't live in the US now so I know the difference. I believe MLC is not tied to culture. It's an illness with physical causes, but all illnesses are experienced and expressed in different ways in different cultures. And so the way it played out and is playing out for us isn't the same.

Maybe it bothers you but for me until now I see no reason to believe that my husband will wake up one day and decide to divorce me. I can't lie. He could, yes, in theory, but there's nothing now that points in that direction for me. I respect my husband and he asked for my patience from the outset, has been completely up front and transparent about what he is doing and why, told me what is going on now that I find hard to accept is temporary, and he has said he will stay with me forever and take care of me as long as that is what I want. Not because I asked that from him, but because that is what he feels inside him. His current behavior is totally MLC, which is why I am here, but I know his motivations and intentions too. In fact, you will find it hard to believe but he considers what he is doing for OUR mutual benefit, not just him. His BD with me was basically, "We've got this problem we are both facing. Here's how I want to solve it. Are you willing to stay with me or not while I do this?" That's the cultural difference of his MLC. He's taking on suffering for us. It would have been so much easier for him to dump me from the outset, and only think of himself, but he doesn't want to do that. So what am I supposed to do? Accuse him of lying?

Don't think I have it easier than you, in fact, what I am going through at the moment probably would be unbearable for most of you and you would have kicked your husband to the curb in a similar situation, but I believe the outcome in the end will be positive so I am willing to put up with suffering like this to get there. We promised eachother when we married that we would not abandon one another in hard times. He's not a great husband right now, but he is committed and respecting those vows to the best of his current ability. And I am trying to do the same. I don't have to apologize to anyone for that.

[Roma]

Male Depression and female Depression are worlds different. I would suggest reading more on Male Depression to gain understanding of it's symptoms first and take it from there.

[Not Applicable]

That's a very good point. I came across this article that describes what is a more typical male pattern of depression and I think it makes a lot of sense:
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/irritable-angry-depression-experience/

[OldPilot]

I told him he seemed depressed at one point and he did not get defensive, just said he wasn't depressed very calmly, but it was clear there was something, he just seemed at a loss for words to explain what it was.

This is called DENIAL.
Part of the first stage of MLC and quite common with mental illness.
No one wants to admit that they are not functioning correctly.
If he is a doctor he will be even more resistant, it might jeopardize his status and his manhood.
I suggest you stop going down this line as it may make things worse.
Anti depressants will not shorten an MLC but give temporary relief for the symptoms.
Again I suggest you step back, you are trying to control this and it will not work.