[Velika]

Women and men bond differently because of socialization, not hormones.

Baby boys are born showing more variety of emotion than baby girls. In Ancient Greece, the ideal love was beteeen two men. In many culture outside of the U.S. men can openly hold hands with friends and socialize regularly with other men. If you travel to a country like Italy or Spain and elsewhere men are very affectionate to children and boys, even to strangers. People touch when greeting and regularly socialize with their extended family, if not live with them. In most parts of the world young people live at home with their parents while attending university, meaning the social structure formed in childhood -- family, friends, neighborhood -- remains intact.

Americans often live in geographically isolated ways. Many men have few social or support structures outside of marriage beyond high school, college, and military. I have read that many men become intensely depressed when they return from military service for precisely this reason, loss of social support and camaraderie.

Social support and belonging is a profoundly human need that cannot be assessed by one person, a spouse. In a culture where marriage is often the only social support for men you can see why they would feel betrayed by the marriage once a serious depression hit.

[Roma]

This thread is going all over the place.

Changing what is your H MLC about?

Are you sure it's MLC?

[Thunder]

If you take a look at the geographic locations of the members here they come from all over the world.  Spanning over 8 countries and every area of those countries.

I have been on this site for over 4 years and have yet to see much difference in the stories (w/exception of possibly Changing now).  They all do and say the same things, like a script.

How someone from Singapore can have an exact story matching someone in New Zealand or Europe tells me there is no difference.  In my opinion MLC is MLC no matter where you live.

Now how it's dealt with may vary.  Laws are different in each country.

[Mitzpah]

I hesitate to say anything because I don't believe that one can do much to help a MLCer. I would just like to say that my beloved is not American or British, he is Brazilian and I see the same things in him as I see in others on the board.

I sometimes wonder Changing whether your husband is a man on a mission and not a MLCer?

Sometimes people decide to carry out their lifelong dreams before it is too late and they may exclude every one else to do it. He may have asked you to be patient and wait for him since he realizes that you are an important part of his life - a bit like someone who needs to pass an important career changing public exam? Here in Brazil, one has to dedicate themselves heart and soul to studying 14 hours a day in order to pass certain government exams to hold public office. They give up everything - time with family, social media, social activities, no more movies, going to the beach, no more bars - just study, study, study... seven days a week. I have a friend who is in her mid forties who has been doing this for two years now, she has four children and a husband... they have to do without her for now.

Just saying...

[Anjae]

I am surprised Anjae has not been here yet to explain there are several threads on depression, particularly male depression.

I don't live on the board, Elegance.  And everyone can sort topics by icon, right?  Still, here they are:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=141.0 - Depression in Men, Articles, Links to

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8290.0 - Male Menopause

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1646.0 - Signs of Depression during MLC

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4550.0 - Covert Depression and Why They Run

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4550.0 - Diference Betwenn MLC and Depression

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=7036.0 -  Anti-Depressants and Links to MLC

This thread is going all over the place.

It Is.

In Ancient Greece, the ideal love was beteeen two men.

Wrong, between a man and a young man (adolescent). Two adult men was frown upon and not acceptable.

If you take a look at the geographic locations of the members here they come from all over the world.  Spanning over 8 countries and every area of those countries.

I thiunk MLC is pretty much the same thing everywhere.

We are from more than 8 countries. I am not on the list, nor is Mermaid, that also lives here. Nor are several other members that come from different countries.

Mr J is Portuguese (albeit 1/4 British). So is Mermaid's one. They are both having a MLC.

Changinmg, I am starting to be tired of yours, "I am so different from everyone else and my marriage has better changes of survive because divorce is not exactly an option".

It may not be, but a second wife is a very real legal possibility , isn't it? Or you may be repudiated. Therefore, I would not see your situation as so much better than ours. So, it may be a good idea to think twice before writting certain things.

[Velika]

I think someone anywhere can have a MLC but how it manifests and the response would be different depending on the culture. If for example someone lives in a spiritually oriented culture and felt empty inside, they might abandon family but to pursue a spiritual path. If someone has a MLC in a culture where family honor is evrhrhing, they might be more likely to commit suicide than disgrace family with an affair.

Anjae, thank you for fact check, this is helpful. I guess the point is that in many cultures there is high level of male bonding and intimacy. This at least I think could help ward off depression and reduce stress, minimizing likelihood of severe crisis.

[OldPilot]

Women and men bond differently because of socialization, not hormones.

Baby boys are born showing more variety of emotion than baby girls.

The hormonal differences in men and woman is well known and I believe is the major difference that causes different socialization.

Baby boys have not yet developed hormones as that comes later in life,
so early and late in life men and women are more alike than different.
It is in the middle when we are most different with changes in hormones.

MLC has hormonal depression as one of the causes.
That is why it is more or less the same in most humans.

Of course, different laws and morals help to guide it.
But I believe it is more scientific than that.

My .02

[Keep believing]

My h goes back and forth with his idea of being depressed.  He did say he was thinknig of going on antidepressives   " happy pills" as we call them. My bil ( which is h best friend) is on them. H. Said he wants to be like him . Happy and quirky. Im working on that side ( if i ever mention anything).  Wanting to be happy rather than approach the dx of depression. 

[xyzcf]

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3261.0#new

Gives some idea of the many different countries that our members are from, and that is only a small sampling of members as most do not post where they are from.

I really thought 7 1/2 years ago that my husband's situation was different...he told me he just needed space, he continued daily contact, asked me to join him a year later on another foreign assignment, he never monstered, he bought me thoughtful and beautiful gifts and he comes from a very strong Catholic background (to this day he still attends mass regularly)...we were very happily married for 32 years......

He told me he just needed space..........

Yet here we are, many years later and he is in no way coming back to me or our marriage. I still have hope he will but there no signs he will...even though we went away on 2 vacations in the past 6 months together as a family.

Changing although you wish to believe that somehow your situation is "different"...it may not be so different after all.

[Thunder]

Op, I agree with you.

MLC has hormonal depression as one of the causes.  That's why it is more or less the same in most humans.
Doesn't matter where you live.