[BrenM]

Perhaps it's all connected to the mentality he's the only one important, it's his time to do things, it's his money, his rights...his self-centerdness.

Sadly they forget about all the other expenses that still need to be paid irrespective of their MLC.  House Insurance, House Rates, Loan Repayments, MV Registrations etc etc. My husbands has even refused to pay for private school fees for 3 of our kids, uniforms, text books, medical expenses, private medical cover....just the basics....my head is still spinning in disbelief.  His brain has been fried!!!!

[maomina]

What I see is them running and leaving others to face the problems while they re enjoying their new life with ow !!
Yes yes and yes……….but what I really can't wrap my head around is how these woman wants a man behaving like this or are they much more reliable to the OW or are they just as irresponsible but she does the cleaning up there and doesn't mind as long as she can have him by her side?

Hugs
[/quote]

I believe they say alot of lies to ow and show her a completely different face! It s most probably a mask . My ex has become a vegetarian and is living the healthy ,responsible lifestyle and things which i used to do ,things he used to find irritating ,he sees them as cute with her ....like for example I used to drive really close to the steering wheel and he used to get angry and tell me it s as if i don t know how to drive ...he finds that cute with her and calls her an attentive driver .....things I used to want when we were together he gives to her etc etc . I remember she used to call or text when he used to come visit the kids and he used to find her cute and caring  while i saw her like a controlling  b!tc#. He used to say that i used to use the kids to get him closer to me (in his words i use the kids like a carrot to a donkey) while she is doing just that now using their child to keep him with her ! He used to say that i keep him away from the kids while it was her not wanting him with them !!!! Well now she s got it all ex living with her in another country and me cutting all contacts ....hope she s happy now !

[BrenM]

What I see is them running and leaving others to face the problems while they re enjoying their new life with ow !!
Yes yes and yes……….but what I really can't wrap my head around is how these woman wants a man behaving like this or are they much more reliable to the OW or are they just as irresponsible but she does the cleaning up there and doesn't mind as long as she can have him by her side?

Hugs

 
Maomina. I really think that the OW,is just as mixed up as the MLCer.  Ignore her and her little games....

[BrenM]

He tried to buy us kids in the end with his money, IF we only came and visit him and reconnect with him we would get his money. I never did, there wasn't enough money in the world that could make me forget all his destructive/hurtful stuff he has done to us/me

Passi, my exh has also tried to buy our kids.  Stating that if they contacted him he would help out with their schooling and expenses etc.  Fortunately my kids have declined.  Who thinks that money can buy love?

[Passiflora]

Passi, my exh has also tried to buy our kids.  Stating that if they contacted him he would help out with their schooling and expenses etc.  Fortunately my kids have declined.  Who thinks that money can buy love?

Hi Ross,
my now xh does the same (bought youngest son a car this autumn) but he has done this towards our youngest his whole life. I was the "bad cop" in our marriage towards our kids; setting boundaries, time to be home, home work, duties at home etc. Husband never ever "stood by" my "rules", when I think about it now, he never said "you should do what your mum ask you to do". This was the only thing we argued about. Me trying to raise the kids with that you have responsibilities etc. and husband opened his wallet time after time. Never ever did he think about what signs it will send to a child, not doing home work, other duties and be "rewarded" if you did something good. He just gave and used his money, to be the good cop, as to "buy love" from them.

Now when I write this, maybe I'm getting to "philosophical" or "psychological" about it but......if you think about it in a wider concept. If you think that you can BUY love with money/stuff etc. no wonder the mlc male buys so much and pays for everything for the OW. All stories I've heard about, read about states the same, the mlc male spends his money like there is no tomorrow and if the money stops OR OW can't put her hand on them all, he is being kicked out or their arguing begins. Is this a social norm and/or "Hollywood love story" or a mlc man measure his value with how much money he spends on his partner? I write mlc male, cause my xh was not this way towards me.
I can also confirm this, by the way my xh military friend that rented a room from me, that was his story. The real story was that he wanted a relationship with me (and when I kicked him out he wanted a R of my female friends). Anyway in those 6 weeks he stayed in my apt. he wanted us to go out to dinner, he wanted me to book a holiday for us etc. And my whole body was screaming no no no, I don’t want to have anything with you. I’ve known him for 30 years (found out later but I suspected also separated due to infidelity) now 5 years later, he is obese, alcoholic, gambling addiction and “sex-talks” the whole time (no I did not encourage this at all, found it disturbing).
Any way, my BIL acts this way to my SIL (yes he left her bc an OW they have been separated 15 years) He can pay for a 14 days holiday, all included for the OW to some Greek island but he asks my SIL to do all work, like sewing etc. Since my "story" began 2014 and she has gotten herself into counseling, this behavior from her side has stopped, not all enabling stuff but a lot.

As for my 2 sons. Oldest one can't be bought...lol....he has never put that much thought into money and the other one has been this way a lot but maybe he is slowly changing.

Hugs

[KeepItTogether]

Wow--those letters from Nah and Tyks H's could have been written by my H.

-At BD, our R was over under no uncertain terms.
-2 months later he asked me how could I "throw away 20 years together"? (This after I told him to leave my house---he had already moved out but was using it as a party house while I took our S10 on a vacation)
-6 months after BD he wanted to work on our marriage. He wanted "us" back.
-7-9 months after BD--clearly states he does NOT want a divorce. But never talks to me. Or wants to spend any time together, even with our S10.
-10 months after BD-tried to find his way home but just couldn't. Still no mention of a divorce. Oh, and I apparently am a wonderful person.

He is a wallower. I would say half of those reasons at the beginning of this thread have been used by him at one time or another. The script is just amazing to me.

Oh and my H is Fun Uncle Santa Dad too. S10 eats it up b/c he is 10. But, then I am the one who is still there when Dad must escape. Which is every night.  Love that MLC!

[UnbrokenLioness]

One he just texted me tonight....

"I didn't walk out on the kids... I walked out on you... Don't get the 2 mixed up EVER again."

[maomina]

One he just texted me tonight....

"I didn't walk out on the kids... I walked out on you... Don't get the 2 mixed up EVER again."

y


I too have heard these words not just by him but also by his family .......then when i cut contact he called (last june) and accused me of wanting to move on and leave him behind .....he keeps getting weird and weirder !!!!! Anyways he s done just that moved on and left us behind errmm apparently i m not allowed to do the same 

[UnbrokenLioness]

Yeah... I don't get it either, Maomina.

H was actually being civil with me yesterday when he dropped the kids off. Then he went upstairs to get some things and found I had taken some of his things off the walls (almost 3 weeks ago when he left) and picked the lockbox to see if he had also sold my engagement ring. Then all hell broke loose. He monstered. Said he was going to have me locked up. Blah blah blah.  Ugh. So done with monster.

[BrenM]

One he just texted me tonight....

"I didn't walk out on the kids... I walked out on you... Don't get the 2 mixed up EVER again."

y


I got this too, but he did walk out on the kids.  Refused to support them financially and emotionally, walked out of their lives and hasn't looked back. He doesn't see them, or phones them.  APPARENTLY THAT IS NOT WALKING OUT ON THE KIDS?   I am totally confused......