[Did your MLC'er suffer from childhood abuse (physically, emotionally or other)?]

Did your MLC'er suffer from childhood abuse (physically, emotionally or other)?

Yes

65 (70.7%)

No

17 (18.5%)

Don't Know

10 (10.9%)

Total Members Voted: 92

[LEC16]

Mine also checks most if not all the boxes.

Tattoo, new car, constantly looking at new jobs/careers, dyed her hair, vitamins, ton of new products, work out freak who wants to run marathons, can't remember anything her LT is revisionist and st is horrible, trying new religions, drinking & using pain meds, all new clothes, tanning, bad parenting skills, monster, new values, PA & EA, filled for divorce, depression, lying, mood swings, darker soul less eyes, new young friends and Young BF, constantly complaining about gut pain and difficult periods, new music taste, and finally she rearranged the furniture in every room. I'm sure I missed some stuff.

I just don't see how a bad marriage that I was never aware was bad would trigger all of these classic symptoms. Also the feelings and script is the same. It is just crazy to me that they don't see all of this change as a red flag. I get that they are crazy, but how do they function in high stress jobs like my W?  It just seems they can somehow keep some parts of their life together while other parts fall apart.

[bluerose]

     One guy who works with my h told my friend that he thought h is loopy now. Exact words. Other people eventually see it

[nah]

Other people eventually see it

Yes they do.  Most people don't want to get involved so they say nothing.

drinking & using pain meds,  depression, lying, mood swings, darker soul less eyes, ...
 I get that they are crazy, but how do they function in high stress jobs like my W? 

They don't.  Sometimes they get a temporary pass b/c they have good reputations due to their past.  At first people around them think they are "off" due to going through a divorce.  Most people understand normal divorces however, once the divorce is done and the MLCer is still drinking, lying, etc.... it will catch up with them.  People, especially bosses, will only take so much.

My MLCer was fired from his 400K job last year.  He is now selling real estate. 

[Nas]

I'm not sure if this is always the case, or maybe it isn't during certain times in their progress (or lack thereof).
I have no way of validating since my H moved so far away, but he started a new job when he arrived at his new city in June and in February he claims he was "hand picked" by a higher up for a new position. 

Could be a lie, since he's also not honoring our separation agreement/not paying me and I get credit alerts that show he hasn't been paying his bills since early November.  (I've been thinking that's likely because he's just on a mad spending spree and he doesn't want to pay me or his debts so why should he?)

But since my H's main issue is with feeling not good enough and he's desperate to be seen as someone important, I would think he's very focused on his job because if he lost it, OW and his new friends would think he was a failure and that's the very feeling he ran away from to begin with. 

[nah]

But since my H's main issue is with feeling not good enough and he's desperate to be seen as someone important, I would think he's very focused on his job because if he lost it, OW and his new friends would think he was a failure and that's the very feeling he ran away from to begin with.

Oh a thousand times yes.  In The Leavers case, that's how he got himself into so much trouble.

When he switched jobs about six years ago, he said in a few years he would be making about double.  That would be close to a million dollars a year.  Honestly, I'm not sure if he was telling the truth or not but I'm sure the girl was so very impressed with potentially hooking up with a millionaire.

After he left me he was involved in illegal activities with his company.  Wasn't too hard to find out the details, it was all over the local news.  400K wasn't enough to impress so he got greedy, hence the illegal activity. 

That's why he was fired.

Now he's a real estate agent.  Through the "fake" grapevine (basically what he is telling everyone), he is doing great. 

It's been one year, he has not sold one house.  Not one.  He has a "flip" on the market but it's been almost a year and all I have to do is go on Zillow to estimate how much he bought, put into, and how much he is trying to sell this house.  If he's lucky, he might break even.

Why do I care so much?  He owes me about 10K (bills for my son's college that we agreed to pay) and he doesn't have the cash.  I can see his bank account, it's always hovering less than a few hundred.  I watch to make sure he is not hiding money that belongs to me.

Right now he is doing everything in his power to keep up a reputation that he is "the man".  Even if it means living in a house he can't afford, driving a truck he can't afford, emptying out his retirement and racking up the credit card bills.  Obviously his reputation is more important than our son's college education.

[Nas]

Wow Nah, and how stupid does his OW have to be not to see the reality? 
Really makes you wonder...

[nah]

Isn't that the reason they like them stupid? 

[1trouble]

A very interesting thread....

I haven't read every post but giving my answer in regard to the functioning at work, sometimes they swap 'addictions' ....and running activity and their job can be a distraction and another addiction, rather like when people work out too much, my h has worked too much.....

BUT that's changing and I believe my H is trying to cause himself trouble in work by not doing even menial tasks............which is caused him to be confronted to his supervisor and then reported to management......
now, (as I posted on my thread) people in work are starting to see he isn't himself and the one constant person he has worked with since just before the crisis and throughout, until a few weeks ago told him when H complained the "job" has changed

No Mr 1T its not the job that's changed its you.......very telling!!

But most of the time the MLC'er distances themselves from all the people who knew them before so the changes are not so apparent...like your H Nas.

As for doctors, I went to see H's doctor after this all happened. She wouldn't discuss H at all (rightfully) but the next time H went to see her he told me she had ordered all these blood tests, lots and lots of them which didn't seem related to the thing he went to her for (which was diarrhea! after he came back off holiday with OW - who says there is no karma bus?!!) so it seems she was taking me seriously.

He had the blood tests and then was called in to see her BUT he missed his appointment and never rebooked because a month or so after he left our docs to go to the OW docs and so I don't know what happened after that......

My H had a brain bleed in April last year he has also had prostate issues and has had to have a procedure on his prostate (I don't know what).

I do know, like most MLC'ers he has had erectile problems but also urinary problems...

As part of his brain bleed care he has had a brain scan and MRI I would love to know what those showed in relation to MLC and the way his brain is functioning.....

BUT none of these professionals who have seen him would know there is anything wrong with him because they don't know H as he was only I do, his family and my family and our close friends and in the UK consultations are a few minutes at most so they would not pick up on anything PLUS my therapist, who did believe in MLC and is a neuroscientist said to me she felt they function mostly normally when dealing with every day life, its when they are dealing with anything emotional, you see the disjointed thinking/irrational thinking and the anger and immaturity.

Hence why its documented on here of MLC'ers showing this in court/mediation situations and in therapy but not in other places.....IMO

I agree with what Velika said about talking about this and not mentioning MLC we should not be ashamed of it either and I also agree the affair is the thing that complicates this as being taken really seriously......I am always upfront with people and say my H has had issues and is trying to deal with those and I am supporting him.
Obviously now that's not the case as I am not standing but I will be there for him if he was ever to crash......because I love him......but I am not standing and waiting for him because lately I don't know if his issues are bigger than "just" MLC and if he wont help himself I will not be a martyr to this...

[Not Applicable]

My husband has plans to get lab tests done in the near future but hasn't done it yet. I don't know what he is going to get done but when he does I plan to just casually tell him to give them to me so I can store them in the folder with past lab tests we have had done. I'm really curious especially if he decides on his own to do testosterone.

[Jackolar12]

Hi everyone, MLC is not recognised because it can't be replicated and proved scientificly. Can you imagine trying to recruit a sample of the population who are in crisis to take part in a study. I think there's more of chance in finding a unicorn. There is very little academic evidence that supports MLC.
That's not to say these things don't happen as we know. The problem is science only recognises significant evidence that can be repeated across the population.

I have been studying the menopause/ andropause in heterosexual females/males and it is apparent that females in the 40-60 age group are driving up the divorce rate applications (70%). This is also a time when a lot of females/males are in turmoil with the perimenopause/andropause. This hormonal shift has the ability to increase anger in females/males which might be viewed as monstering. Also the ability in some to change their character and could be related to the MLC Jekyll and Hyde that we see so often complete with severe mood swings and fogged up thinking. The drop in estrogen/testosterone can affect the maternal/paternal instinct and might be related to former doting mothers/fathers not seeming to care about their family as much as before.

The shifting hormones are a sign their reproductive years are coming to an end and might contribute to some trying to validate their sexuality with others in affairs and acting out in the last chance saloon of life. Just my take on things folks.