[BrenM]

The whole MLC process is selfish.

The OW is certainly selfish, vindictive and manipulative, her mask will fall off sooner of later, and her issues will be on show for all to see.  I try my best not to focus on her,  but when it affects my kids mental health she makes my blood boil, but she has no connection to my kids and never will. 

I will never understand how my exh has walked away from his children, breaking their hearts and dreams, and affecting them emotionally.  Hurt me but don't hurt my children.  The monster MLCer has done unforgivable acts directed at his children.  I have no words to condone his actions....other than bloody MLC!

[Mlcvetof5]

I totally agree totally. Here's something to ask yourself...who is he truly hurting? I chose and choose for the day I kicked him out me and the kids were going to live. The alien has done things said things that hurt them but they see the big picture. We live have fun go do things and  to us the alien is MIA. We do not focus on him...took us a while....the dreaded word time....but now the only one the alien is truly hurting is himself! I don't miss homework, concerts, ballgames, etc.......he does. This again plays in the illogical thinking.

[sparklestar]

Nah - this is why I love this site. The knowledge is priceless.

That has helped so much thank you all! And for the record - I bought 3 pairs of shoes today (sorry not sorry)!

One final thing what does family of origin really mean - is it as in childhood issues stemming from the family environment growing up?

X

[UnbrokenLioness]

Add this one....

"I set myself free"

Talk about rewriting history... Had h not been confronted, he would still be here

[nah]

One final thing what does family of origin really mean - is it as in childhood issues stemming from the family environment growing up?

Family Of Origin itself doesn't have to be abuse but when we say FOO issues yes, it means some kind of abuse.

The Leavers mother is manipulative to the extreme, his father was physically abusive and left the family in a MLC fashion (but was a returner).  So his FOO issues include abandonment and never feeling good enough, no matter what he did.

The girl's father died when she was a teenager.... classic FOO Daddy issues.

On here you will find similar FOO issues again and again and again.

[nah]

Add this one....

"I set myself free"

Talk about rewriting history... Had h not been confronted, he would still be here

Projection for the future without even realizing it.

Most MLCers screw their lives up by cornering themselves up with even more responsibilities therefore they get stuck.

Then, with time, it's the LBS who tend to be fixers, always doing everything for everyone else and leaving their needs last who eventually end up free. 

[OffRoad]

...
Then, with time, it's the LBS who tend to be fixers, always doing everything for everyone else and leaving their needs last who eventually end up free.

Truth.
And boots. Love me my boots.

[BrenM]

So his FOO issues include abandonment and never feeling good enough, no matter what he did.

The girl's father died when she was a teenager.... classic FOO Daddy issues.

This is my husbands story and the OW's....amazing hey?

[UnbrokenLioness]

Taking care of 2 young children and a teenager who is totally dependent on people to care for his personal needs is work. But I can do it. The only thing h has done since he has left is pick our younger 2 children up from school and brought them home. Not visiting with them, still, because I am still here.  He will also take S 5 1/2 to his appointments but, again, no visiting.

Everything is still "my" fault and probably will be for quite some time to come. He isn't willing to look inward and has people that are also getting in his head. As if he needed the extra ML bashing because he does that on his own.

[Mlcvetof5]

Rossbren it is also the alien and serpents issues too. The aliens daddy abandoned them and the serpent lost her daddy when she was 12. The serpent has turned the alien into her daddy hero. It is truly sad in the sense she is desperate for the love of a man that was taken away from his family at a fairly young age. She never properly grieved the loss of her daddy because if she had she wouldn't be desperate for the love of a man who was never truly meant to be hers.
Why she never grieved the loss is an unknown. Poor support at a young age? Enabling/abusive mother? The loss of a parent at such a young age is devastating especially if you are never able to properly grieve the loss. (Realize I've known the serpent way before she lost her daddy) she also rebelled as a teenager was a wild child did drugs the whole nine yards. To this day, her and her mother seek out any sympathy they can get over the loss of her daddy and it's been 20 years since his passing and the mother is remarried.
The mother remarried fairly quickly. The mother was also desperate for love and helped break up the marriage of her current husband to be with him.  Desperation to me loved is what I see. Desperation to not be alone...it's sad.
Does that give anybody the right to destroy a marriage, destroy kids, etc. absolutely not. I see broken people.
Same thing with the alien desperate for the love of a man that abandoned him.. His daddy.  His daddy remarried two more times and always put everything before the alien and his sister. Now the alien is trying to seek out the unconditional love for a broken man (daddy) that he so desperately wanted as a child thru the serpent.
The serpent is unable to give the alien unconditional true love because she's broken herself. She loves no one not even herself. The same can be said for the alien. It is truly sad. Broken attracts broken.