[in it]

Well whatever it is you have to face it was totally unacceptable behavior by your H. And for you to accept it is no role model for your children.
Didn't you say he was yelling at you to unfriend men on facebook? (or was that someone else)  That's controlling behavior.

And for you to continue to allow the abuse  it only adds to the dysfunction.

Your children need one sane healthy parent when this is over with.

[megogirl]

Didn't you say he was yelling at you to unfriend men on facebook? (or was that someone else)  That's controlling behavior.

Yes, that was me, and I know it's controlling (and exactly why I'd indicated it as a "red flag'")

He has not done it since.

[in it]

You are making excuses for him... I do believe you will get to the point where enough is enough.
I can only hope you can keep yourself safe.

[Thunder]

megogirl.

Sorry my long reply to you is in never, never lost land.   

Just please take your time and try to see how his controlling ways are effecting your thinking.

I had a controller too with my 1st H so I DO understand.

[megogirl]

I can only hope you can keep yourself safe.

Well this made me LOL a bit, as he resides at the wh*r^house,  4.5 hours away....can't get much safer than THAT?!?

Thank you for all your well-wishes though; rest assured, I am absolutely FINE (other than the cops appearing at my hotel in NOV 2017, because he had sent them there in defense of his skank, but really, to provide an twisted alibi for his previous sexual assaults against ME?!?)

The never-ending soap opera continues....

xoxo

[Thunder]

 

[in it]

Yep... if I told you just how messed up things got with me?
I can believe he did that.

Seriously you can not make this sh!t up...

[xyzcf]

OK... megogirl is not ready perhaps to look closely at her marriage, which all of us have to do.

She has written several disturbing things about her husband, but has a response each time anyone asks her to seriously consider the possibility of abuse....we can only go by what she has written .....we are not living her life.

megogirl, the people who have been responding to you are smart. They know a great deal about MLC and about domestic abuse. Personally I would trust what they are saying to you....at least to honestly take a look at why you  continue to excuse him....

This is NOT a conspiracy to gang" up on you.

There were times when people would write things about my situation that I DID NOT WANT TO HEAR...I had to be ready and some of that came from an amazing therapist who opened my eyes, me mind, my heart, my soul and my body on many levels...until I could process the damage he had done to me...damage from his MLC...not prior to that. Still, I kept thinking, "oh no, he would never do something like that" until he did...and then these people would pick me up off the ground, dust me off and offer their loving "advice"....


But it was always my decision to accept what others said or not.

Your choice...always was and always will be.

Be safe. The distance doesn't matter regarding where he lives. Be safe.

[Anjae]

I am sorry, Yari. We're quite worried with Megogirl's situation and we missed your questions.

quote author=Yari link=topic=8883.msg687929#msg687929 date=1537054331]
AsInsert Quote  |  Insert Unordered List  Insert Ordered List  Horizontal Rule  |  Remove Formatting  Toggle View
Smiley  Wink  Cheesy  Grin  Angry  Sad  Shocked  Cool  Huh  Roll Eyes  Tongue  Embarrassed  Lips sealed  Undecided  Kiss  Cry mentioned above my wife has had a history with the blank, dark eyes.  My question to the group is how much mental illness does everyone attribute to the mlc.  I feel there is alot in my wife's,  but i am not sure.  I have read about chaos kids and childhood trauma which my wife has definitely experience.  What does that mean for me?
[/quote]

I think MLC is a temporary form of mental illness. MLC involves depression, some types of depression are temporary. MLC tends to mimic bipolar, but it is not bipolar. At times, it also seems to has traces of borderline, but it is not borderline.

I don't know what your wife had suffered childhood trauma means for you. For you, it means she is in MLC. Even if I think childhood trauma alone does not bring MLC - a set of things does, but it does seem several in MLC, but not all, suffered childhood trauma.

I guess it means what it means to all of us LBS, our spouse is in MLC and there is nothing we can do about it. So far, no one has found a way of solving or mitigating MLC.

You didn't answer why you had a child with an abusive man. Were you thinking the child may change him as well?

NO!  I had a child with him because I got pregnant; I love him; and he loves me.

Then the question is, why did you got pregnant from an abuser. You may love him, or think you do, but I very much doubt he loves you. He controls and abuses you, that is not love.

I think you've all gotten the wrong idea about my H.  He's high-strung, for sure.  But he's *never* been physically violent - the worst he's done is to throw a (harmless) comb at me. 

Did we? He sexually assaulted you twice, one of which you consider rape. Sexual assault is physical violence and so is rape. Therefore, he was physically violent at least twice and the worst he has done was not to throw a comb at you. It was to rape you. How that guest to be excused I have no idea.

DT being an abuser  does not excuse your husbands' actions. Agree with Xyzcf, you're not ready for what we have been/are telling you. Hope you soon will.   

[OffRoad]

Sorry, OR, but I don't agree one bit. Linking a MLCer to someone like Harvey Weinstein or a psycopath does not make sense. MLCers go back to normal once the crisis is over, this people will always be the way they are.

And I celebrate your right to disagree. I don't always appreciate the way it comes across on a post(you just can't see facial expressions in the written word), but I honor your right to have any opinion you choose.

How do we know MLCERS go back to "normal",  BTW? From what is written here, it sure doesnt seem like they ALL do. I will also point out I said "likening" not "linking"  likening means like, as in "looks like". Link means "connect with". Do I think black eyes means someone is a serial killer or rapist? No. Do I think the black eye/shark eye phenomenon is related to an emotional state? Yes. Do I think MLCers  and serial killers/rapists end up in an emotional state? Yes. It would be false logic to then say if serial killers/rapists and MLCers  both have the black eye phenomenon,  they are the same. But it would not be a false theory (conjecture) that if this trait is similar, what else might be similar, and that could go back to the discussion on chemical imbalances or neurological issues that some people have all of their lives, and some develop at a time in their life and live with from then on, and some might develop and it goes away through various means. After all some people start their life with diabetes, some develop it some time in their life, and there are a rare few who get close to being diabetic, but change their exercise and eating habits and avoid it.

And also, yes, my ex does have PD traits. I just didn't recognize them because I had a  PD mother (and I didn't know THAT growing up, either) so he seemed "normal " to me. Who knew people don't just fly off the handle because things don't go their way?  No one at work ever saw that until MLC hit. But I digress, I actually came out of this in a much better place.

Point being, as always anything is fair game as theory, or wondering or "Hey, this is duck-like, is it a duck?", imo. And also, IMHO, it's not always a bad thing to wonder these things, because what if one of us has that whatever percentage MLCer(or maybe not MLCER, but kind of looks like a duck) that IS going to go into territory that's truly dangerous for the lbs or kids. The one that no one suspected would do such a thing? The shark eyes scared the crap out of me and made me wary. It was a good thing. I didn't want to be one of these families, especially since loss of job was part of what set my ex off.
https://www.newsweek.com/why-ordinary-people-murder-their-families-82425

If someone wonders or has a theory about how MLCERS might be like X, if it doesn't apply to OUR Mlcer  (as far as we are concerned),  then no big deal. If, instead, we are concerned that the poster might be in danger, we should say that: "I am concerned for your well being. Are you currently safe?"

This got really contentious because someone asked "So apparently, rapists adopt shark eyes, too.What happens, physiologically, to have their eyes turn this way? " It seemed a fair question.