[bluerose]

      From reading threads on hs there seems that there arent many vanishers. My h has no contact with me at all. Not even to discuss the kids. Im wondering if this hurts the chance for a reconciliation oe does it not even matter. It hurts when i read how other lbs's still get i love you or offering to do things around the house. Just wondering.


Original vanisher threads

Does anyone have any comments/feedback regarding vanishers?

Vanisher 3

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8310.0

Vanisher 2
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3368.0

Vanisher 1
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=297.0


Link back to contact types to register your MLC type
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1530.0

[1phoenix]

Mine vanishes for times.  You doing ok?

[beyondblessed]

Mine ran away and while I know he stalks me, he's never made any contact unless it served his purposes.  I am ok with that though.  I've moved on nicely without him.

[bluerose]

    Yes. He has been doing this for a year and a half. First time nc for 8 months. Then for a month he had minimal contact with me. He filed for divorce 2 months ago. I had nc with jim for 5 months and now contact is extremely minimal. He walked away financially to. $150.00 in 15 months. That was 7 months ago.

[beyondblessed]

As far as reconciliation, I don't think it matters at all.  In fact, if that's the case, you actually have a better chance because the less damage he is able to do, the less shame and guilt he has to deal with.  The shame and guilt is what keeps a majority of them from coming back. 

[Velika]

Blue rose, I often wish I had a vanished. Trust me the less you see/know/interact the better. I think vanishing is a kindness to the LBS, I really do.

Having to interact with a MLCer who looks like former spouse and yet has different personality is a nightmare. Having to coparent even more so. Your daughter is lucky she had minimal exposure to this.

Stay strong! 💛 Big hug.

[beyondblessed]

I have to agree....him leaving me in peace was the nicest thing he could have done.  I don't think he did it with my feelings in mind at all...it was just a blessing in disguise.

[bluerose]

         In some ways i agree with you about it being a kindness. I also feel like it is the most cruel thing he could have ever done.

[Savoir Faire]

I have a vanisher.  He has been gone from my life for two years now and I did see him in court last August but that was only because I chose to turn up.

I actually think they stalk us on FB and ask family about us.  Most MLCers seem to have a LOT of information about what we are doing. 

I also don't think it makes much difference to them returning, in fact I think it's good to leave them completely to it.  I will contact when I think it's necessary, otherwise he can have his totally happy life with the OW

[heroIam]

I think mines a vanisher. He gets mail at house once a month but I don't see him and we don't contact unless necessary.  I've also wondered if it hurts reconciling chances.  But I don't think it matters really.  They will do what they will do regardless.