[bluerose]

      Mine said he was bored too. He was sick of the routine. He wanted excitement and freedom. Then he moved in with the ow 4 months after leaving me. He also left me high and dry financially. I will never understand this.

[sparklestar]

I think the most hilarious part of all this (well you have to laugh) is the 'I want to be free' bullcrap they split when the reality for most is they are far from free and even more tied down than they were before! With a jealous suspicious Ow and double the bills to pay (well not for the ones that shirk that responsibility).

I mean do they not see the irony? They must feel stupid inside they really must - all the while claiming how wonderfully free they are now - errrr nope!

[beyondblessed]

Oh, I absolutely believe these types suffer from personality disorders that have a range of traits and behaviors that fed into this "crisis".  Ego, pride, stubbornness, conflict avoidant aka cowardice.  The list goes on and on.  They got bored, felt entitled, and crossed the line....but, then the thing they didn't plan for happened:  They. Got. Caught.  No, maybe we didn't necessarily catch them, at least I didn't, but something snared them that they didn't originally forsee.  They probably thought it a minor indiscretion, but either their feelings got lost and out of control or the AP threatened to let us know, whatever.  Then they had to make the choice as to whether to own what they did or run.  Being selfish cowards, run it was.  And, believe me, even though I do not personally my xh's now fiancee, I've seen pictures and heard stories, and that grass was probably never green to begin with.  He has saddled himself with a real winner and I for one cannot wait to see how this train wreck plays out.  Sure, it hurt to be discarded, but the way I choose to look at it now is that a man who truly loved himself and respected himself would never do the things he's done.   He is a broken and angry man, and refuses to acknowledge that he needs help. BI am out of his life and out of his mess   He divorced me.  Period.  He's now engaged to marry his gf.  Pass the popcorn.

[BrenM]

      Mine said he was bored too. He was sick of the routine. He wanted excitement and freedom. Then he moved in with the wh*r^ 4 months after leaving me. He also left me high and dry financially. I will never understand this.

So they are bored with their life...their wife and kids....routine..commitments...why the heck has my h gone to live with the younger OW and her younger kids?  Sorry this bloody MLC stuff  just does not make sense.  It is like my husband is trying to go back in time.  He was away a lot with work when our kids were younger.  I often wonder if he is trying to go back in time? 

[stillbaffled]

I think DF even said it on her thread recently - you sometimes get caught in the thought that maybe I was a crap wife/hard to live with/boring (insert whatever here) and H was just bored/unhappy (again insert whatever here) and wanted out? Maybe it's just that simple. And then I come to my senses and think why am I even questioning it! Anyone else do that?

While I did battle the depression big time during the first 8-10 months (went on anti-depressants during that time) I did not, EVER, feel like I was a crap wife/hard to live with/boring (insert whatever here).  It is one thing that I've held on to this entire time.  This was never about me.  It was all about him.  His crisis, his depression, his boredom, his unhappiness, his whatever!  I don't even know because he just flippin' told me he was done and wanted a divorce and walked away without ever looking back. 

This thread about vanishers has been helpful for me.  Thanks, you guys, for posting about your vanishers (well, as much as you know about them anyway!  ) 

[BrenM]

This thread about vanishers has been helpful for me.  Thanks, you guys, for posting about your vanishers (well, as much as you know about them anyway!  ) 

I second that!  I can't wait for the day that I read some positive progress from some of our vanishing Mlcers.  Trusting the process...hmmmm...at the moment it is testing me lol.

[bluerose]

          When my h and i were dating, he told me that he went through a bout of depression before we met. He said that i got so bad that his grandma was getting ready to take him to the hospital but then he just snapped out of it. I wonder now if he ever did snap out of it. If he had it before and didnt get help whos to say it ever went away. I believe he learned to live with it and it came and went through out our relationship.  His mother broke her back 2 and was addicted to painkillers. His younger half brother died from an overdose of coke and heroine. His younger half sister is on disability for her depression and is a drug addict( she says recovering but idk). His step father used to smoke pot with him when he was a teenager.  I do think they try to go back in time. I have seen pics recently of him and the ow and he looks like a middle aged man acting like he is 18. He never did that stuff with me. He had told me a couple of years ago thatvhe felt like a failure. Maybe he thought he was a failure as a father to his boys and is now trying it over with the ows kid to see if he can do better this time. Who knows? Just thinking.

[Shocked]

I can't tell you how much reading about your vanishers has comforted me tonight! I have been In a silent scream all day!!!!! It's been a year and a half I should not feel so shattered inside. I am just getting through the days!!! I had hoped after Replay there would be some hope. I just don't see it here.  That is disappointing. I'm glad I can tell you all that. It's a safe place to put this pain.

[BrenM]

Shocked,

I totally understand what you are saying.  When I talk to people in RL they constantly think I am crazy (maybe I am?), I do question if I am standing for nothing quite frequently. My father  told me two days ago to stop making excuses for Husbands behavior and that he is not worth it. He also told me that he hasn't many years left in this world so he should shoot the bastard! I understand where they are coming from.  They mean well.  They have witnessed our pain. The hurt and betrayal is deathening. My h has hurt so many people and acts as though he could not care less. 

HS has been my godsend.  I can relate to most people's stories and feelings.  I feel it is on this site that I am honest.  Not wearing the masks that falls off when I am in private. 

[HopeFaithLove]

Rossbren, I wonder the same thing about trying to make up for lost time. The hobag has young children, the youngest was 3 when he left us. Our daughter was a senior in high school and our son a sophomore. Why would he want to deal with someone else's 3 yr old? It makes absolutely no sense. My husband traveled for work all the time too. Sometimes I felt like a single mother.