[Nas]

Bren - great minds think alike - both typing about "moving on" at exact same time.....aaaaahhhhh the golden MLC cop out words "moving on"

Snowdrop....you have no idea how much I hate that term.  In one of my rants to my SIL on Thursday, I told her it was like telling a Cancer Patient that everything will be fine....ouch and very uncompassionate of me...but how can people say such cliche sayings...grrrrr.  😜

As a current cancer patient, I agree, Bren. 

Having followed all 10 of these vanisher threads now, I have to wonder what it is about some vanishers that allows them to just run and hide without bothering to divorce.  It seems some get the D done and then disappear, while others, like mine, just hide and avoid the D altogether.

It's ironic that I was diagnosed with cancer the exact same week that I became a legal resident of my new state and could have filed.  Then I had to move back to my old state because I didn't have health insurance in the new state (because H never honored the agreement that would have paid for my health insurance).   

Do they really think they can just go start a whole new life and never wrap up their old life?  My H hardly ever replied to any message I sent him about the D over the last year, and when he did, he stalled and never actually answered or did anything.   For a year, I was spending all my money on legal fees and getting things in order - to the point now that I'm flat broke.  I flat out asked - practically begged - back in January for him to file in his new state. Now I have stage III cancer and he's still hiding and avoiding doing anything. 

[Treasur]

My husband did both - silent vanishing for the first year, then 'zipless divorce' vanishing for the 2nd. (you know the kind where you magically say the word, avoid all paperwork and pixie dust fits everything?) I think guilt is part of it as well as a kind of control.

'Moving on' is my STBXH's favourite phrase and I hate it too. I prefer 'moving forward'.

[heroIam]

I also wouldn't mind knowing why some MLCers don't D even though they are off with OW in another life.  Why is that?  And.....a few are still financially responsible - and still don't D and escape and avoid for as long as possible.  How do they even afford it financially?  Unless OW let's them live free of charge for most everything. Might make for a good discussion. 

[nah]

MLCers are not too difficult to figure out.

What do 2-yr-olds do when they poop their pants?

They hide in a corner and wait for someone to come along and clean up their mess.

Same thing.

[MsMedfly]

Exactly Nah!!!!!!!!!!!


Or.. The opposite.. It's your fault I pooped my pants!!!!!!!

[Tyks]

Nah has it right.

My stbxh said he was not in a rush to divorce as he is not planning on getting married anytime soon. That translates in to he is too lazy.

I filed for d in august and stbxh emailed me that he researched what he needs to do for the divorce to go through. The way he reads it is that he doesnt have to do anything and it will magically be final. So he has chosen to do NOTHING yet again.

I may as well clean up the poop for the last time in 22 years 

[bluerose]

      Nah,
         I absolutely love that response. It sums up this bull$h!te perfectly. You haveca wonderful wsy with words.

[lulu]

Hi Vanisher friends,

I have another question for you all...

Since my last communication with STBX (by the way TYKS he hasn't filed for D either...I translate that as lazy as well), I heard nothing back until tonight.  My message to him was clear...kids don't want to meet OW at this time, he needs to work on his relationship with them first (their words).  So, from this he said that them (the kids) meeting the two of them (huh? isn't he their dad?) would be helpful to his recovery as he will be more present with them.  Can he not see them on his own???  Why are they responsible for his recovery?? He ended his message with that he had a medical situation this week and that he needs this to move forward.  I don't think the kids are being unreasonable, and I don't think I'm wrong in backing them up.  It's also manipulation that he thinks I'll feel sorry for him...I'm tired of it.

He said she encourages him to see the kids when he's not well.  Why didn't she encourage him last year when he didn't see them for the better part of the year? Or the last few weeks when he was supposed to see them? Instead he hung out with her.

I spoke to my SIL today...she said that she had to meet OW a couple weeks ago and that I could take her in a fight, lol. SIL said that he kept apologizing to her repeatedly....she felt he was scared of her??

Sorry to hijack the vanisher thread again...

[Shocked]

I wondered if vanishers don't want a D because one they the money issue comes into play. They lose assets and have to start paying courted ordered support but the second reason is the OP is no longer a fantasy life person. The OP is going to start expecting more from them in terms of a R. A commitment. It some cases the MLCer does marry but it doesn't seem like it of deep love but more another quick fix.

[BrenM]

So, from this he said that them (the kids) meeting the two of them (huh? isn't he their dad?) would be helpful to his recovery as he will be more present with them.  Can he not see them on his own???  Why are they responsible for his recovery?? He ended his message with that he had a medical situation this week and that he needs this to move forward. 

He said she encourages him to see the kids when he's not well.  Why didn't she encourage him last year when he didn't see them for the better part of the year? Or the last few weeks when he was supposed to see them? Instead he hung out with her.

Smell a rat Lulu....He needs to consider his own kids for THEIR wellbeing and stability...being introduced to the OW will not help the kids.  He needs to reconnect with the kids, and see if they want to meet her.  If not, he needs to respect their decision.   His problem to work around not the kids....how selfish the Mlcer's become.

Sounds like the cogs are falling off....depression maybe?  And then control from the OW?   May be wrong, but that is how I read it.