[Which LBS Stage do you think you are mostly at now? (pick main one)]

Which LBS Stage do you think you are mostly at now? (pick main one)

Denial (shock, confusion)

1 (1.7%)

Bargaining (trying to figure out why, planning, adjusting)

1 (1.7%)

Anger (fear, resentment)

3 (5.1%)

Depression (despair, exhaustion)

13 (22%)

Acceptance (detachment, calm, control)

33 (55.9%)

Renewal

8 (13.6%)

Total Members Voted: 59

Voting closed: October 27, 2017, 04:41:15 AM

[Treasur]

Trying to learn more about LBS stages in my grace and flowers thread as part of focusing on us!

[nah]

The thing about stages is it's almost impossible to check a box.

It's normal to fluctuate between the emotions not only day by day but hour by hour.

Since I am over four years in, I'm mostly in acceptance but I still have pockets of anger, sadness, even denial. 

Four years later, I still wake up sometimes with the thoughts of, "I can't believe he did this to our family".

I have a friend that is more than 10 years in, she is very happy with her new relationship (well it's been 5-6 years, so not that new).

She tells me she still cries sometimes.

I believe, this will always be a part of us.

[Albatross]

It is like spiral, LBS going up in circles and going trough all of those phases. Each circle make progress, bit by bit you spiraling up. LBS can be in several of them in same time. Point is when you climb enough high then you are done and not coming back - you are finished with healing. Of course like MLCers LBS's could stuck in circle, no spiraling up. And if it is so then you be forever there until breakthrough, then you going up. People who did not watch "Groundhog day" movie it is the best movie ever, in my opinion, about transformation - individuation - "hero path".

[Treasur]

I think we do all spiral, sometimes triggered by external things, sometimes just our own heads take a revisit.

From my own experience though, it feels as if 'being' at a stage vs revisiting it is quite different. When I was living in Denial, I felt overwhelmed by disbelief and traumatised by pain. Literally nothing made sense to me and everything hurt. I felt as if I had fallen off a cliff or woken up on another planet. I frequently felt as if I was losing my mind.

Now, when I pop back to Denial - and I do - it still hurts but I feel a bit more of an observer. It feels like a place I visit not one I live in? For me, even though it isn't a linear process at all, there is a sense of standing on different ground at different stages. Home base perhaps.

[Anjae]

Where is stage 6 Renewal (forgiveness, healing, new you)?

That is mine.

At a point, the spiral stops for good. But that point is years down the road and the years down the road are different for each LBS.

[Thunder]

Me too, Anjae.

[Reallytrying]

I'm at acceptance most of the time but that doesn't stop me from spiraling into anger & depression sometimes. I just don't live there anymore - thankfully.

[Treasur]

Where is stage 6 Renewal (forgiveness, healing, new you)?

That is mine.

At a point, the spiral stops for good. But that point is years down the road and the years down the road are different for each LBS.

Only had choice of 5 answers!

[Thunder]

Oh ok, then I'll do Acceptance.   

[Treasur]

I'm going to use this thread to help us all look at all 6 - what they feel like, what helps or doesn't, what the purpose is (a bit like the MLC stages)...it seems to me that standing for ourselves and for the faith to know that Renewal is there matters most. (no matter what happens to our spouses)