[Helpingme!]

Chriss
Please don't take my opinions as bad. I don't mean them to be. My W has never left home. I don't think there is any comparison  really to my journey as yours. Some say its harder to live with a live in MLCer than for them to leave. Well I'm totally opposite. I think them leaving and if they do marry is way worse than mine.
If my W wd have left Inwd have probably crumbled up.
Just giving an opinion and I hope I didn't make light of ur situation cause didnt mean too in anyway.
But I still beleive and agree with Nah, in the end we will have the final decision and the last laugh so too speak.

[ChrissYAH]

NO WAY HM! u didn't offend me I welcome any sort of advice, for sure them marrying the op is gut wrenching I know in time I will heal and completely move on (like he told me to) and I will never look back.  I don't think anyone who causes that much pain especially to their covenant spouse gets away with it, it will catch up with him in the end.

[monty]

why does the ow feel fret tend about us when you find then in a car park or unblock the ex mother in law on Facebook for her to see ,, why do they do that if the man you knew hasn't spoken or reached out to u in that time does these things ,,,why??? They got the man , wots wrong with them???

[monty]

I mean I know my husband is gone ,, so why is the other women unblocking my mother from Facebook, when she has got what she has wanted???

[SavingMySanity]

They aren't happy with themselves but also, they are afraid to be alone.

Also, most of the time, they don't jump into another relationship, most MLCers don't jump until they have a pillow to land on.

That's how most of these relationships begin....

They look into the mirror and see an old man and wonder why they have been working their whole life but never seem to have what they want (the unsatisfiable mind).

They try changing the outside, (ex, new clothes, new car, gym, etc) but that doesn't work.
They start to wonder and then obsess if life would be better if they had a change.... the grass is greener syndrome.
Then either a coworker, or an old flame, or just some on-line fantasy gives them a little attention, or they purposely go out and seek that attention... just a taste at first to boost their ego.

Then it escalates and they have to make a decision or the decision is forced on them either by the other woman or the spouse finds out on her own.

Bam.....

If it was really about our marriage they should have come to us.  We could have spent some time turning over every rock on how to fix our marriage BEFORE they moved on to another relationship.

but.... that's why we are all here right? .... because none of this crap makes sense to a normal person.

Describes my H to a T!!  I asked him to leave because he was drinking A LOT and monstering all over the place.  I did not want my kids to be around it.  OW  apparently thought that was her chance to reel him and they became closer, now they live together when she blows through town on her school breaks.  I sometimes wonder if I pushed them together, but at the same time, me and the kids didn't need the verbal abuse spewed our way and I am not going to be disrespected with him canoodling another woman while living with me. 

[nah]

I mean I know my husband is gone ,, so why is the other women unblocking my mother from Facebook, when she has got what she has wanted???

To stir up sh!t.

Ignore her.  Nothing drives them insane more than being ignored.

[ChrissYAH]

https://www.midlifebachelor.com/askmlb/midlife-crisis-affair-ends-in-unhappiness.html

Good to know all is not well and doesn't end well (for them)

[SavingMySanity]

Ultimately, it’s really sad. I don’t think I could live with myself knowing I’d crushed so many people. 

[ChrissYAH]

Ultimately, it’s really sad. I don’t think I could live with myself knowing I’d crushed so many people. 

My oldest daughter who is 25 told me that when she last saw him at a local shopping centre she went up to him she said he acted like he had only seen her 5 mins before (hasn't seen her in 3 yrs) and just thought everything was funny, he also had that stupid smirk on his face, how can anyone think the destruction and hurt they have caused their own family is funny?? anyway she told me that he's actually insane and that he's just a shell.

[living with Hope]

I have had my husband be a clinging boomerang, then a vanisher, then a clinger and now I am dead to him again. 

I don't know which has been worse.  Either one has come with its own struggles and both have come with extreme pain and destruction to not only myself but to our children.

This latest round of "vanishing" has been going on for a year and half or more.  He is in contact with one child.  His latest OW has "saved" him.  She is pushing for him to reconnect with the other two children as she is wanting to be seen as the one who reunites them.  Plus she is embarassed that they have been dating for almost 2 years now and she still has not met his children (all young adults).

I find for me personally, the treatment of being dead to him as my own personal hell.  It bothers me more than when he came in and out of our lives at his own will.  (and that drove me crazy too.).  I am not sure what is with the silence that bothers me so much.  I have tried to process that to see why. 

i have been at this for over 5 years now.  It doesn't hurt as bad as it once did. But it still hurts. The sense of rejection, abandonment and disrespect still has its way of finding its home within me.  I can't understand for the life of my how a man that loved me, his family has done this. 

The interesting note is how he has changed.  With me, he was a family man.  His family was number 1. We did everything together and it was all based around our family.

 With the OW1, he hid his life and was a wild party/bad boy.  He got into drugs and parties.  Got a tattoo, took up guitar lessons, flashy sportscar.  Life was just a party.  He looked miserable (when we saw him.I am sure it was a method of self protection of some sort or we brought out his pain/shame when he saw us ). He gained weight.  He dressed weird. Always had a sun tan but lied and said it was his natural color. Blew all our money.

OW2 - she runs in a circle where money is the key.  He is skinny,pale as can be.  Thinks he is a big shot in the world. New flashy car but more something we would own - more family like.  Non stop going to gala events to be seen.  Life is still a party but now he is the high priced business executive.  With this one he is travelling non stop.  According to some people who have run into him, he seems not miserable. 

So in 5 years, he has changed his persona to be whatever it needs to be.  Is it for the OW?  I read about narcissistic personalities and how they morph into who they think they should be to connect with their latest love interest.

Is that why they vanish so the truth about them does not come out.  So that one does not call them out for playing a role?