[nah]

Simply put... all the actions on that list does seem abusive to me.

Goner, if you feel the need to respond to me more please go directly to my thread.

This is the vanisher thread and I would like to keep it as a support thread not the Nah vs Goner show.

[Not Applicable]

No thank you Nah. If you think having a discussion is about putting on a show then you are welcome to keep the stage all for yourself. I have no interest in taking the limelight off of you. I'm outta here.

[Shocked]

Wow! Glad to hear this will be going back to being a thread to help heal and support the LBSs with vanishers. I have found so much help in this forum from almost all LBSs. I was having trouble believing one of us would be so judgemental of any of us and our methods  of healing!!! Your sharing in these posts helped to get me where I  today. I am going forward but still with a limp. I lean on you all. I have learn helpful points from most! Thank you I hope Nah and Treasur will stay with us. Your words inspire me to stand up straighter everyday!!!!

I am going to ask my question again. Do you think our MLCer remember the day of the BD like we do? Do they mark time like we do?

[Tyks]

Goner, finally you are leaving a thread that you had no business being on.

Shocked, I don't think they do. I think they have ran and are not looking back, unfortunately. Mine does not even remember half of what he said.!! And 15 months later he is still playing thr blame game and poor him as the victim.

[nah]

I agree with Tykes,

Bomb drop is a big deal to us but for them, we were just in the way of their new shiny life.

Early stages they are just running, we are far down on their list of priorities.

Very early on he said things such as "it's time to move forward" and "do we have to go over this again?"  We never went over it once.

What I wonder about is people often ask me and my boyfriend when/ how we met.

Do they say five years ago (even though he's only been divorced for three)?  Do they say, "he was my married boss but when our eyes met...."

I'm not kidding, I wonder what they say bc I love our "how we met story".

[stillbaffled]

Shocked - well mine did it on his 53rd birthday so when his next one rolls around maybe he'll wake up that morning and say,

"Man, I gave myself the best birthday present ever two years ago.  I'm sure living the dream right now!"
 
But on a serious note......in all actuality I don't think they remember much of BD, their actions, or their words. 

[ChrissYAH]

'But on a serious note......in all actuality I don't think they remember much of BD, their actions, or their words.'

Wonder if mine remembers marrying the ow?

[Treasur]

Anecdotal evidence would suggest not. To be fair, they had a bunch of things stewing before that we didn't know about so their experiences and ours would necessarily be different. In a thinky email, like Nah said, my mostly silent vanisher said "we've talked and talked and it just feels like we're stuck". My response was that he may have 'talked and talked' but not to me  as we had seen each other 4 times in 22 months and spoken less than 10 times on the phone...(he may have had lots of talking in his head, of course!)

On the issue of time, I think we all have lots of examples that MLCers don't seem to have the same relationship with time, deadlines and significant dates as they used to.

[MsMedfly]

Attaching and catching up....

What the heck??? I don't post about things I haven't experienced. So please, until you've walked in my magically vanishing shoes, don't judge the chapter of our thread that you happened to click on... It's a difficult place to be, dumped, alone, broke, homeless, sick, and scared to death of what is coming next..

Some vanishers, like puffy the 5 star flaming marshmellow, chose to completly sneak attack and then vanish.. I hate to assume but I'm pretty sure he loves every second of the memory of the phone call of me screaming, we've been robbed!!!! I'm sure he's delighted by the look on my face when I handed him a plate of pot roast and he slammed divorce papers down on the counter. Papers he'd filed 3 weeks prior..  I haven't made or had pot roast since....

But there again, he may not. He did give his reason for leaving as I slept with the tv on and just didn't understand his porn issues...

I know that he now believes we divorced because we didn't get along... I still laugh at that... I guess that shows what he does remember.. He's still hasn't come clean about the multiple women he was cheating with... Vanishers can't have a true conversation, they have to run because the truth will catch up to them and they can no longer handle the look on your face, when they destroy you. It's a curse and a gift - once the truth behind his vanishing act became public knowledge, I couldn't stand any longer. When everything within me broke, all at the same time, I laid it down and walked away. Hardest decision ever but I knew it was the right thing to do for me and my son. What I thought was going to kill me ended up being the greatest blessing!!!!

Almost four years without the craziness of my former life, three since Independence Day!!!!

[ChrissYAH]

Well I think they do remember, I think it was last yr or the yr before he told my youngest that 'today is mums and I wedding anniversary', must still be feeling something for him to mention it.