[Treasur]

Good point, nah
Sometimes I've thought that - well, how would I feel/what would I be doing now if he'd been run over by a bus and killed in Oct 15? Actually, not much different.

[nah]

Actually in many ways it would have been easier.

For one, his entire family wouldn't have followed along and betrayed me.... and my daughter. 

[Treasur]

And life insurance 

[nah]

And life insurance 

Omg.... I would be rolling in it!!

[bluerose]

    I agree nah. It would have been easier if they would have died. When they die they dont have a choice. When they do what these guys have done and just vanish, you have the betrayal, lies and rejection that come with it.

[Ro828]

Thank you Nah.  I usually don't post because I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said.  I just wanted to add my perspective to Treasur's eloquent post.

I'd also like to add that it would have been easier had he passed.  With passing there's closure.  There is no closure with a vanisher.  None.  You know he is out there somewhere living his life.  You wonder if he's happy.  Will he ever regret his actions, apologize, contact.  Heaven forbid you run into him (especially with her).

With death you don't feel like a failure, a freak, or judged because there are those in the world that believe you must have been a shrew of a woman for your H to have left you.  They have no understanding of what a MLC is.  They just believe you couldn't "keep your man". 

With death you would feel free to engage in another relationship without thinking you are flawed or that this could possibly happen again (the cheating, lying, betrayal).

With death your free to recall and talk about the memories instead of wondering if your life together was all a lie.

With death you still keep those rose colored glasses on because now your view on life and relationships are a little more jaded. 

This whole experience changes you as a person (and not all for good).  So, yeah, death would have been MUCH easier.

[Tyks]

RO, I could have written that whole poat myself. You pretty well summed up everything I think 

[Shocked]

Hello RO, thank you for posting. I think it’s good for us not as far along to know what to expect with our feelings. It helps us brace a bit better. That is why I am here to help prepare for what will probably happen because so much of what others have said were true. The death would stop people for thinking we should be over it. I am better but I am not over the trauma of the BD and the vanishing with an OW. It still has me shocked and hurt.

[stillbaffled]

And life insurance 

Omg.... I would be rolling in it!!

With much certainty I would be retiring next year.  I'd own my home with no mortgage.  I'd have six figures in cash to play with. 

Not even close to the real life adventure I've been thrust into!   

[Treasur]

Having said what I said...I wouldn't wish my H dead...there was a time initially when he was suicidal and I think if he'd done that, I'm not sure I could have survived it actually. Some people here have experienced the death of a spouse in MLC and I can't imagine the pain of that on top of everything else. There is hope for him, if not for us, while he is alive. Sure, if he'd died pre-BD, I'd be left being able to mourn the H I knew...but once MLC bit...no, it wouldn't have been better.

I know that I would have been left with the same pain and unanswered questions, but no hope at all which maybe I needed to survive the first year even if my hope was not met, just maybe better off financially and other people would have been more understanding of my grief probably.