[Treasure]

I’m just wondering if I’m the crazy one for feeling like my mlcer is trying to incite a reaction from me right now.
I stepped away from him and left him to his shiny new life because I needed to heal and mend and believe me it’s taken a long time to get to where I am now .. still hurt and sad but trying to live my life and find peace with what’s happened

He has sent my d a card for her girls ( mine and his granddaughters) with “ to our beautiful granddaughters “
And signed grandad and  ow ..
he’s never done that before and I think it’s inappropriate and my gut feeling is that he’s done it to hurt me and try to get a reaction out of me ..but not giving him the satisfaction of actually knowing how much it hurts
in my eyes she is not and never will be grandparent to those little girls ..  She hasn’t earned that right. It’s all for shoe I’m sure but seeing it is horrible.
But then he gets son a card “to my brilliant son” and signed him and ow !!!
Why ! What’s with the our and my I don’t get it at all.
I just need to get my frustration and hurt out because I sure as hell would never give him the satisfaction of knowing that he’s hurt me again.
I think to myself that he can’t hurt me anymore .. get myself on an even keel and find I’m doing good then he manages to upskittle me!
I literally thought my heart would explode when I saw the card ..
am I wrong to feel like I do???
 I get he’s moved on but wouldn’t a normal person try to be a bit more sensitive !!

[Tyks]

Treasur, that is just terrible. Remeber, he is not a normal person right now.

 

   in my eyes she is not and never will be grandparent to those little girls ..   

Oddly enough my d18 said something similar recently. Mom, whoever you or dad are with doesnt't matter as long as you are happy. The new person, ie ow cow, will never be our step parent. It is not like we ( her and d15) are young kids. We know who our parents are and we pretty much have our own lives.

It hurts, Treasur. It hurts me to think that ow cow is spending Christmas with them. But for your h to rub it in your face is extremely hurtful. So what if he has moved on? He doesn't need to rub it in your face.

I am sorry he has done this. How do your kids feel about it ... or you haven't told them yet ?

[bluerose]

  Im so sorry treasure. That is a cruel thing to do to you. Me and the cowards first grandchild was born 2 months ago and. I fear that the ow will start referring to herself as his grandma. She is not nor will ever be his grandma even if they get married. As far as i know she has not even seen him yet. I would like to keep it that way but who knows. Did your daughter see the card and if so what did she say about it?

[Treasure]

Yeah d got card off her dad for the granddaughters. I’ve just mentioned it today that I’m not very impressed with the card and that I think it’s inappropriate. My d said I know I didn’t know what to say so never said anything. She knows but is too nice to actually say anything .. she wants a relationship with her dad .. it’s so difficult for them. I know that. And I was in
two minds whether to say anything to her at all. But I felt I needed to say how I thought he couldn’t hurt me anymore then he does and can !!
Why I’ll never know. It’s just not necessary to do that. Does he really think it’s right after what they did ? X

[bluerose]

     Yes treasure they do think that its right to do. Your divorced now and in their minds its ok. Even though it started while you were married in their minds they did nothing wrong. To them the marriage was over before the divorce so it makes it ok. To them. Not us.
     I understand your daughter wanting to have a relationship with her father, im going through the same thing with mine right now. I feel a little betrayed by my kids for that but i still love them and understand. It is very hard to deal with.
      Maybe your daughter could sit down with her father, in anice way, and set some boundaries of her own. I found out today from my sister that when my grandson was born the coward called and asked if he could bring tbe ow with him to the hospital to see the baby. My s22 said no. I am very grateful to him for that. He doesnt know that i know and there really isnt any reason for him to know. I will however keep it in my heart and hopefully he did that for me deep down.

[Treasure]

At least your h called  when my d had her second baby he came to hospital with ow and ow put pictures on fb about grandad being smitten!
I don’t have fb but people who know me told me. As they were disgusted. Seems it’s only them who thinks it’s ok to do this. Others just shake their heads and seem shocked that he just doesn’t think that I have feelings and an still hurt by all this.
Seems we are the ones who have to take the high road each and every time they do something that’s hurtful.
I don’t understand and I don’t think I ever will how they must think we don’t have feelings or are hurt by their actions even if the marriage is over .. he knew it wasn’t what I wanted ..
normal people would try to be more sensitive and take into account someone else’s feelings
I think this is the final line that’s been crossed for me .. 
and as for ow I’m not sure what to think .. If had any compassion or empathy she would think about how she would feel if it happened to her !! X

[Shocked]

I sorry Treasur that’s is a great big ouch!!! I think they think since they are in a happy new world no one else matters. I think they do stuff like that to earn brownie points with the ow. They are still working on looking good to them. Sending you a hug!!!🤗

[Shocked]

To all my fellow LBSs of vanishers I want to wish you a Merry Christmas!! It is not the holiday of our dreams but I have come to care for each of you dearly!!! I want you to have a good day filled knowing you are cared about and are very important to me. You have been there all year pushing me through the craziness. It’s been an amazing gift!!! Thank you!!❤️🎄🎁🎅😘🤗

[stillbaffled]

Hey Shocked,

Merry Christmas to you as well.   

[nah]

Christmas is for families so it is very normal to get a few more tears than normal today.

Don't think our vanishers aren't shedding a few today also.  Just b/c we don't see them, doesn't mean they are not falling.

I woke up with a few myself today.  That's right, fun positive Nah, still sheds a few tears.

My daughter is hosting Christmas today.  My son will be there, my former in-laws will be there, The Leaver and his young bride will be there.  I was not invited.  My side of the family was not invited, including my mother who was at my daughter's side from the day she was born until she walked out the door like her father.

So yes that hurts.

I will be spending the morning with my mother and my son w/ his gf.  Then the afternoon with E's family.  Even that hurts as his nephew is in the hospital and will be for a long time.  As usual E is expected to carry all the responsibilities of the family, and I will try to help him with all that BUT.... my mind will be on my own family.

Still today is just one day...after New Year's I'm outta here WITH my son to California.  So I'm doing my best to focus on what is good, not what I cannot change.

Anybody contacting their vanisher today?

I'm still deciding but probably not as I'm a bit angry with him today.

Heads up and Merry Christmas... We are the strong ones even when we cry.