My H never fought for us either. Isn’t that what a real “man” is supposed to do? Although I’m sorry for their pain, I envy the women who’s H’s are on here learning and growing and fighting for their Ms.
One thing MLC does set apart the "men" from the "boys"...if you pay attention, these husbands who are fighting for their marriages are men who have "emotional investments" in their lives, ones with people, if you will, having a better understanding of the emotional aspects of life....whereas the ones who are having such a hard time in MLC are people who have "material investments" or ones who have an ongoing love affair with the material aspects of this life.
The material investment people do not believe in spiritual things, and therefore when the MLC comes about, they are the ones most likely to self medicate with OW/OM/OP, spending large amounts of money, drink copious amounts of alcohol, take drugs, etc.
They are also the most likely, IF they come through the crisis, to suffer memory loss associated with going through the crisis, although they may face all their fears, process everything they are supposed to process, becoming what they are supposed to be; but because of the continuing non belief in the emotional/spiritual aspects of life, they will not be brought forward to "guide" people through this, and so the memories would do them no good.
My husband was one of the above mentioned, the total opposite of me.
The emotional investment people are the ones most likely to have easy transitions, because they understand and believe in the spiritual aspects of life, and most of them have already learned some of the life's lessons we are all set to learn in our lifetimes.
These are also the people who develop their intuitions, gain the necessary gifts they need to help others throughout their lifetimes, developing a deep relationship with the Lord as a result of what they endure, and are more accepting of being brought forward to help others in many ways, including retaining memories of what they endured within the spouse's crisis, so they can "guide" others if needed.
I'm one of the above mentioned.
I must have been a real fluke in this, because I was brought forward although my memories at first were totally dim, and almost nonexistent as of February of this year. Yet, my husband had suffered an extended period of crisis involving a small child that got missed during his trip through the tunnel, resulting in him going through yet a different kind of tunnel...I wasn't seeing anything much for around 6 years or so, because I was going through my own transition.
For what it's worth, he is still processing, but becoming stronger as each day passes...he still pops in and out of the house, sometimes disappearing on me and our son, BUT he IS coming forward, and that is all that matters for now....the child is now behind him, and I see a more mature man taking his place in the family as head of household...and I love what I'm seeing, though, he's unpredictable in that I never know what he's going to say, but it's all good.
Anyway....
A friend of mine came to me back in February because her husband had gone into the tunnel, and while what she was describing was triggering memories that were faint, I just barely remembered the board I'd been on before where I had written the six stages, and the sermons....so I ran a search, thinking this was going to be simple, and it wasn't.......
In these last few months, I have had my memories restored to me, not quite in full, but they are there to be accessed, PLUS, I had instructions once I got past all the trouble I got into there, to search for some people I was sent to help....and I argued at first because I could NOT remember much of this at all.
You do reach a point in this where your memories will fade unless restored by the Lord...and He restored mine quickly...they were needed.
Now, the lessons I remembered clearly, but the some of the actual events I had trouble with, because they were stored in a place that I thought I couldn't get to...but I always ask the Lord to help me remember what I know I cannot.
There are STILL memories that are there, but I cannot access them at all...and my son reminded me today of a time when my husband got angry because I was running late..and it was early days in the crisis...and like a teen, my husband was driving down the road at 90 miles an hour, screaming at me like a maniac, because he said it was MY fault we were running later for a get-together with another couple. Son was in the back seat, not saying anything....now, I did not remember that on my own. MLC was at its worst, and that was in the year 2000 is all I can remember.
You will find as time goes on, your memories WILL fade, just as mine did...and that's a good thing.
I have gained two people offline I'm currently guiding as well as what I'm doing here on the board as I can.
I will say this: I don't use much of my experience to guide people..I may illustrate things from that time to show that I understand, but I do pay attention to the various differences in the situations I see, and rely on the Lord to help me counsel, and that is why my advice ALWAYS varies with each person I speak to; there ARE differences in what I advise...now, if I draw a blank on someone,(and it does happen) I will use my experience and what I learned for a baseline, but if I know with a certainty that I cannot help with anything I might say, AND He has not given me anything to say, I will keep quiet...it is better to do that than to flounder out in deep waters without looking to Him for guidance. I have no wish to hurt anyone or send them down a wrong direction.
I feel for everyone here, regardless of where they are within their journey, but I can tell you from experience, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is not a runaway train, I can promise you that, having been there myself.
I'm not complaining, not at all; when you obey what God sets before you, the blessings in return are so much that you cannot contain them all, yet that is NOT why I obey Him, I am always humbled by His confidence in me. I am the instrument that HE uses, I cannot do this on my own, without Him to help me.
And you know He doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called, and He's had to give me a crash course on this crisis once again.
Plus, I am willing to remember what I endured so I can help others through where ever they may be in their journey.
Yet, it's not just the crisis I'm teaching on, it's also a spiritual teaching regarding the Lord, and who He is, to help increase people's understanding of Him and how He relates to us all as we are within our trials and tribulations. I did not understand the Lord very well at the beginning of my husband's crisis...I served Him, was devoted to Him, but I did not understand Him at all...through this crisis, I found a very understanding God, who was very interested in me as an individual, otherwise, He would not have sent someone to me when I was not in this very far to help me through not only his MLC, but my own transition as well, as an accountability partner, and that person stayed with me for many years...I contacted her less and less as time went on, and I took over on my own, learning to commune with Him directly...we are still friends, but I know I no longer need her, and I'm grateful He sent her to me.
I do not know how long this time will last, but He knows, and that is all that is important.
Intuition and positive thinking
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