UM....Too funny! He is spinning and as sad as it is to sit back and watch, it is what I have to do for me.
Mad Luv....For nearly a year, he was distant and keeping it that way. It was getting worse each month it seemed....until recently. Who knows what is gonng be next....just sit back, grab some popcorn and enjoy the show from afar.
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H continues to spin like a crazed gorilla!
I left off the saga last week with H coming back from a vacay to touch base. He then disappeared again and that lasted 4 days.
He popped up Saturday with a call. He reported to me that son was on his way home for the Memorial Service of his best friends father. He went on to tell me that he wanted to call son but didn't have a reason so he fabricated a reason.
His reason.....hey, while your packing, can you keep an eye out for my pickleball paddle?
To me...I am thinking this is your son. You don't need a reason to call. Call just to say hey...how are you...hope your well, how is your day. I was flabbergasted that he thought he needed a reason to call him.
I have had long term suspicions that he only reaches out to D and myself only if he has a reason. I also felt at times they were fabricated. Now he confirmed it. This day, he was only able to call me because he had a reason to tell me about son. DIL was gonna call me to tell me they were on their way and H said he would do it.
Most calls from H have always started off that he was calling for a specific thing....either he just talked to S or he was following up on something. H just can call to say hello...how are you....nope....he always starts off with a specific reason for calling.
So we all meet up and go to the Memorial. When we get there, we are waiting for son on the porch and a few of son's old teammates approach. I start talking to them and addressing them by name. They were shocked I remembered them. While were talking....they look behind me and say is that H? They said it with a lot of shock. He had been standing in the background for about 10 mins and didn't bother to talk to these "kids" he used to coach. They saw him too but didn't recognize him at all. Later on inside, h was standing beside S. Someone H coached with walked up to S and said...hey...when is your Dad comiing? S looked at him and said he is here. Coach said yeah? I didn't see him. S pointed beside him and said he is standing right here. Two feet apart and coach didn't recognize him. Not only did they not recognize him, but he hung back and didn't attempt to socialize with them. H was always outgoing. The old H would have been off the porch greeting them and shaking hands. It was a strange site to watch him not interact unless spoken to.
I get this. H looks really horrible. H used to have a very neat appearance. Short well manicured hair. Neatly trimmed beard and trendy glasses when he wore them. Now H has not cut his hair since October and it is naturally wavey and very unkempt. Imagine grandpa munster style of hair. Partly sliced back and part sticking straight out near the ears. The goat is is not well trimmed and getting long and he has so much grey. Not to mention his eyes don't twinkle. He can't smile and he looks tired all the time. Puffy features too even though he lost weight again. H played it off well.
When I was getting ready to leave....H says I'll be over tomorrow to mow and weedwhip. Told him ok. I was doing some of the weeding by hand. He got stern and said....you have to be patient with me. I told you I would do it (yeah....2 weeks ago before visit to ow2). I nicely said....I left most of it for you...I am only worrying about the area where the plants are and there is no way to use the trimmer without taking out my plants. He immediatly calmed and said. Ok. I'll take care of the rest. I am going to mow too. I plan on doing all my mowing tomorrow. I said ok...I can get my lawn done to save you some time. He said...no...I am planning on doing it.
Keep in mind, that one of my control issues is to let H get things done that he wants to do on his own time....not my schedule. It is not always easy, but when he says I got it, I let it go and don't attempt it. Sometimes it takes day...other times it is weeks. As long as there is not a deadline (like a bill), I let it go and say nothing. Not a reminder or even a hint to get the stuff done. So there was no pressure from me to get anything done
The next day he shows up and week whips about half the yard. He got the front that is most visible so I am happy. I went inside while he was working. He comes to the back door, takes one step inside and starts yelling to converse with me. I am around the corner in another room. I told him to come in and talk if he wants. He did. This is a recent development with him where he only takes 1 steps inside the back door. Weird.
Anyhow, he comes in and actually sits down. Starts off by asking me why people don't recognize him. He said do I look that bad or is it just my hair. I politely said that the kids he coached has a frozen image of him in their mind. They have not seen him for 10 plus years so they remember the ways he used to look. Neat and trim. The goat and the long hair and the grey probably threw them off.
He then said....your mowing your own grass right? I am gonna take off and go mow the other yards then I'll be back. Said yes I'll mow it. Then I get, if you don't want to, you don't have to. I'll take care of it when I am done with the others or I'll come back tomorrow to get it. Told him I had it, not to worry.
He leaves...I start to mow. He comes back 2 hours later. I have about 10 minutes left and he offered to finish. I let him. He walked around the yard and told me things he wanted to get done the next time he comes to weedwhip and then he said how tired he was and he was off. He was beat because he played pb for 2 hours in the am before doing all the mowing (which is on a riding mower).
Bye!
Today I run into him at the voting poles. He tells me he didn't play pb yesterday morning because he was too tired and couldn't get motivated to do anything. He finally laid down for a nap after lunch and slept until 430. Then he felt good so he went to play pb last night. He thought he saw me driving around...then told him no...it wasn't me. I was somewhere else. Then off he went. Maybe to play pb. Maybe not. He didn't know what he was feeling yet. I can tell you he wasn't dressed to play pb. Oh well.
He really is going all over the place. Sometimes I feel like he is pushing me to say/do things. Like with the lawn mowing. He committing then backing out but then saying he can do it. I am not going to argue. He said for me to get it done...so I did. I didn't throw it in his face that less than 24 hours ago, he told me something else. I am just going with the flow. This type of thing seems to happen more often....at least for now.
Onward and Upward is better than Rinse and Repeat!
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